ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > CO-EXISTING CONDITIONS > ADDiction & Substance Abuse
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 10-18-17, 05:00 AM
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is online now
Mod-A-holic
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: nj, usa
Posts: 28,222
Thanks: 5,744
Thanked 32,633 Times in 15,114 Posts
sarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond repute
Miserable, alcoholic death

My friend's brother died yesterday morning. He was 55. He always had a problem. He was so impaired from years of drinking that 4 months ago he was in the hospital for alcoholic dt's and seizures because he was trying to stop drinking on his own. That was 3 weeks. Then he went to a physical rehab for 2 weeks. His job had a final offer- substance abuse rehab or no job. He still couldnt quite care for himself and actually had to go int a nursing home because he needed care from the permanent damage he had done. He got released and his addict girlfriend brought him home and right away he drank. Got a third DUI and was facing 6 months in jail.

His lawyer said if he went into rehab and AA he might be able to avoid jail but he refused. The lawyer couldnt help him anymore. He appealed on grounds that he was too sick and frail for jail. In the meantime right away he started back up with beligerant calls to his sister and family.

I dont know if anyone else is familiar with this stage of alcoholism but its combative, beligerant, angry, bitter out of your mind stuff where you literally live your life in a sick and miserable way-harrassing people because your mind is warped and you are half living in the past and not really sane.

Physically you lose weight cause all you do is drink. You injure yourself from falling all the time and your body has a hard time healing from wounds because your immune system is so damaged. Your liver hurts, you shake, you smell like alcohol all the time and have poor hygiene. You often have this weird way of walking. Its hard to describe but being around enough people in recovery I have seen it before and its neurological. You often pee yourself. You are past the point of vomiting and often cough up blood from esophogus tears.

His sister and I are in a 12 step program together and its really saved us even though its not for everyone and he had tried in the past. He had some years of sobriety but always slipped. Its been an important lesson for me.

Midnight tuesday he passed out in the bathroom and the GF called 911.He had gone in to cardiac arrest. They got him breathing again and he needed a respirator. He also had a mini stroke. The hospital called my friend at 2am but she didnt get the messages until 6am. She went to the hospital. She was told he was not going to have any sort of life and they decided to let him go. The other sister was on her way from FL and they were going to remove the vent.
The nurse told my friend that she didnt think he would make it that long. His pressure dropped and he died at 820am yesterday morning before they could even remove the breathing tube.

My friend was ready and it was only a matter of time. I didnt know him so I can be an objective person in this.
If you have a drinking problem please do not self detox. I did and it was so dangerous. The only thing I think that saved me was the lamictal I took for bipolar.
DO not do it alone. Go to detox at least, hopefully rehab.
If you take to the AA thing, stick with it. If you found another type of support network or learn a different way in rehab, do not be complacent. DO not bury those things that made you drink.

Do not be fooled into thinking that you can safely do it alone- or that you can safely drink again.
If you think an alcohoic makes the choice to drink-once you have had that one drink the rest is not a choice. The sickness is so strong that it makes you think you are not that sick.

I have witnessed a painful, miserable,sick,pathetic, lonely death from alcoholism. I am thankful it wasnt me or my family member but it could have just as easily been me.
Please get help if you need it.
Its dangerous and deadly.
This proves it to me.

Your family suffers with you so dont think you are only doing something to just yourself.
__________________
President of the No F's given society.

I carried a watermelon?
Reply With Quote
The Following 18 Users Say Thank You to sarahsweets For This Useful Post:
aeon (10-18-17), anonymouslyadd (12-31-17), BrandyDW (08-16-18), finallyfound10 (12-30-17), Fortune (10-18-17), Fraser_0762 (10-18-17), Fuzzy12 (10-18-17), Greyhound1 (10-18-17), Hermus (09-05-18), ieattacos (10-26-17), Jacksper (10-21-18), LiluLondon (11-17-17), lisariver (09-26-18), midnightstar (12-27-17), Padawan (01-04-18), peripatetic (10-22-17), Rebelyell (09-04-18), tudorose (09-01-18)
  #2  
Old 12-27-17, 07:06 AM
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is online now
Mod-A-holic
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: nj, usa
Posts: 28,222
Thanks: 5,744
Thanked 32,633 Times in 15,114 Posts
sarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Miserable, alcoholic death

Looks like I'll be continuing to add to this thread.

Got a call last night. A friend of mine for about 2 years is dead. Met her through AA and tried to help her in a number of ways. She had a fancy high up government job, the husband, kids,house, two cars all the right stuff. She was either a chronic relapser or never actually got sober- not sure. I had to take her keys from her at a meeting once and have someone call her husband because she was in no shape to drive. I started out compassionate with her, and we became friends. Then I saw that she wasnt willing to take suggestions and that everything happened "to"her not because of her and she was always a victim. She was attention seeking. Any injury she ever had was trumped up into a colossal mess. The last time I talked to her on the phone I told her I had to distance myself from her because I was enabling her behavior by continually emotionally supporting her when she wouldnt do any work on her own to get sober. She had no consequences bad enough to make her stop.

She got demoted then out on medical leave at her job. Had rehab twice. She had major emergency spine surgery due to ( we believe) a drunk fall so she had access to pain killers and I dont believe she stopped drinking. I dont think she ever worked again since July. I didnt take her calls anymore, or respond to texts and I only talked to her at meetings when she showed up. I know that once, I met her husband, and I told him that until the pain is great enough she wouldnt change. Without consequences she wouldnt change.


Apparently she got another DUI and the husband made her leave. (I dont know how long, or if she was staying at her sisters house but my understanding was that it was recent)
She went home saturday, left notes and presents for her kids explaining how sorry she was about dissapointing them and killed herself.

In the AA world, suicide related to active alcoholism IS dying from alcoholism. The person's misery and inabillity to get sober is what causes the suicide. If you arent sober the choice to end your life can be made impulsively. Suicide from a sober person is often more deliberate and planned out.

I dont know yet how she did it-not that it matters.

I feel really bad. I am trying not to feel guilty. I know I only met her husband once so my advice to him about getting tough didnt directly influence him throwing her out but he probably heard it from others in AA or Al-Anon. Her poor husband.

I will not let myself go there to guilt street, and think that I somehow abandoned a friend. I must remember that if I stayed friends with her I would be caught up in her chaos and I would have been a part of her death-it just would have been slow and painful.

I have to let it go and know that I did what I could. I have been to more viewings in my sobriety from other alcoholic friends than I have in my whole life. I didnt know it would be this way.

I just have to put one foot in front of the other, remind myself that this friend could have been me if I hadnt stopped drinking. No guilt allowed Sweets-you did all you could.
__________________
President of the No F's given society.

I carried a watermelon?
Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to sarahsweets For This Useful Post:
aeon (12-27-17), finallyfound10 (12-30-17), Fuzzy12 (12-27-17), lisariver (09-26-18), midnightstar (12-27-17), OyVeyKitty (12-27-17), Rebelyell (09-04-18), stef (12-27-17)
  #3  
Old 12-27-17, 10:27 AM
midnightstar's Avatar
midnightstar midnightstar is offline
Purriendly feline moderator
 

Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 19,186
Blog Entries: 10
Thanks: 18,532
Thanked 22,859 Times in 13,514 Posts
midnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Miserable, alcoholic death

Many hugs for you sarah
__________________
Beauty (12th August 2007 - 3rd November 2008 )
Dylan (4th November 2008 - 23rd March 2012)
Tom (29th August 2014 - 17th October 2014)
Ebony (1st January 2014 - 2nd March 2018)
Tigger (31st October 2014 - current)
Willow (3rd November 2018 - current)
"No human should ever hurt an animal" Jessie, Animal Farm

Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to midnightstar For This Useful Post:
sarahsweets (01-03-18)
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 12-27-17, 11:04 AM
Fuzzy12's Avatar
Fuzzy12 Fuzzy12 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 20,110
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks: 32,545
Thanked 30,370 Times in 13,993 Posts
Fuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Miserable, alcoholic death

I'm sorry Sarah. How tragic. Huge hugs from me too
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Fuzzy12 For This Useful Post:
sarahsweets (01-03-18)
  #5  
Old 12-30-17, 07:58 PM
DJ Bill DJ Bill is offline
ADDvanced Contributor
 

Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: ny upstate where there are cows and trees and stuff.
Posts: 505
Thanks: 237
Thanked 666 Times in 338 Posts
DJ Bill is a name known to allDJ Bill is a name known to allDJ Bill is a name known to allDJ Bill is a name known to allDJ Bill is a name known to allDJ Bill is a name known to allDJ Bill is a name known to all
Re: Miserable, alcoholic death

I'm sad for you Sarah.. Our local groups have seen several similar cases this year, and a former friend who totally refused to believe he had a problem died earlier this year....alone, separated from friends and family due to his own drunken actions, and with nobody knowing about it for quite a long time. I'm sure you know the following but for anyone else with a similar issue.....Alcoholism is cunning, baffling, powerful, progressive, and ...patient! It's always waiting for you when you think you "have got it" and the urge can come out of nowhere. The only thing even more powerful is denial. If someone holds onto their denial.....there is no hope until they can actually admit they have a problem. Help in many forms is out there, but if you don't want help.....nothing will.

B.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to DJ Bill For This Useful Post:
Little Missy (12-30-17), sarahsweets (12-31-17)
  #6  
Old 12-31-17, 01:00 AM
finallyfound10's Avatar
finallyfound10 finallyfound10 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,689
Thanks: 1,529
Thanked 1,575 Times in 870 Posts
finallyfound10 has a reputation beyond reputefinallyfound10 has a reputation beyond reputefinallyfound10 has a reputation beyond reputefinallyfound10 has a reputation beyond reputefinallyfound10 has a reputation beyond reputefinallyfound10 has a reputation beyond reputefinallyfound10 has a reputation beyond reputefinallyfound10 has a reputation beyond reputefinallyfound10 has a reputation beyond reputefinallyfound10 has a reputation beyond reputefinallyfound10 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Miserable, alcoholic death

(((Sarah))) I am sorry for the loss of your friend. That is so sad. You nor her husband are responsible for her death- only she is. Tough love is hard but necessary sometimes.

You are correct about self-detoxing! Out of all of the substances we detox from, only in alcohol detox can death occur if it's not done properly. Lamictal can help prevent acute alcohol withdrawal but I haven't seen it as we use Ativan on my behavioral health unit. When my hospital's new medical detox/rehab unit opens next month they will also use Phenobarbital which is better than Ativan.

Lastly, the common unsteady walking you mentioned is due to cerebellar issues such as gait and equilibrium disturbances. Many chronic alcoholics develop cerebellar degeneration which progressive and irreversible. My dad has it.
__________________
ADHD-Inattentive, Adjustment Disorder w/Mixed Features of Anxiety and Depression, Dyscalculia (Math disability), Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, Adult Child of an Alcoholic.
Strattera 100 mg, Wellbutrin 450 mg XL, Klonopin 0.5 mg as needed.
Brene Brown
Shame derives it's power from being unspeakable.
Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.
Shame cannot survive being spoken. It can't survive empathy.

Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to finallyfound10 For This Useful Post:
aeon (12-31-17), Little Missy (12-31-17), sarahsweets (12-31-17)
  #7  
Old 01-04-18, 05:03 PM
Padawan Padawan is offline
Jr Member
 

Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 12
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks: 21
Thanked 17 Times in 7 Posts
Padawan is on a distinguished road
Re: Miserable, alcoholic death

There but for the grace of God...

(((Sarah))) What you shared here may save a life (or many)
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 08-02-18, 05:56 AM
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is online now
Mod-A-holic
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: nj, usa
Posts: 28,222
Thanks: 5,744
Thanked 32,633 Times in 15,114 Posts
sarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Miserable, alcoholic death

A friend died on friday. They found her at the bottom of the pool. She was 55. She had 11 years until recently. They are not sure if it was just alcohol or alcohol and pills because apparently she had dabbled in those recently. Another friend's 28 year old daughter overdosed on Monday. When will people get it? I have been to more funerals and viewings in AA then I have in my entire life.
__________________
President of the No F's given society.

I carried a watermelon?
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to sarahsweets For This Useful Post:
acdc01 (08-04-18), Fuzzy12 (09-05-18), Little Missy (08-02-18)
  #9  
Old 08-02-18, 09:10 AM
willow129's Avatar
willow129 willow129 is offline
Moderator
 

Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 2,730
Blog Entries: 4
Thanks: 2,222
Thanked 4,121 Times in 1,990 Posts
willow129 has a reputation beyond reputewillow129 has a reputation beyond reputewillow129 has a reputation beyond reputewillow129 has a reputation beyond reputewillow129 has a reputation beyond reputewillow129 has a reputation beyond reputewillow129 has a reputation beyond reputewillow129 has a reputation beyond reputewillow129 has a reputation beyond reputewillow129 has a reputation beyond reputewillow129 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Miserable, alcoholic death

(((Sarah)))
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 09-04-18, 11:03 PM
Rebelyell's Avatar
Rebelyell Rebelyell is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: Somerset NJ
Posts: 10,310
Thanks: 6,272
Thanked 10,950 Times in 5,881 Posts
Rebelyell has a reputation beyond reputeRebelyell has a reputation beyond reputeRebelyell has a reputation beyond reputeRebelyell has a reputation beyond reputeRebelyell has a reputation beyond reputeRebelyell has a reputation beyond reputeRebelyell has a reputation beyond reputeRebelyell has a reputation beyond reputeRebelyell has a reputation beyond reputeRebelyell has a reputation beyond reputeRebelyell has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Miserable, alcoholic death

Im truly sorry to hear Sarah big hugs and prayers to you...
Denial is a bad and powerful thing from getting help in anything..I've had a couple of co.workers who.lost their jobs due to drinking problems..1 man walked out of rehab after a week town canned.him.and then.not.long after not quite 2 years.later he was gone at 49....so.sad he was a.smart.aleck but happy.go.lucky and.would do.anything for.you he would of gone onto.be a.boss if.not for.all the screw ups in his.life..I.felt.so.bad for.his.mom and family.once again sorry n big hugs..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Rebelyell For This Useful Post:
sarahsweets (09-11-18)
  #11  
Old 09-05-18, 02:12 AM
Fuzzy12's Avatar
Fuzzy12 Fuzzy12 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 20,110
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks: 32,545
Thanked 30,370 Times in 13,993 Posts
Fuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Miserable, alcoholic death

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
A friend died on friday. They found her at the bottom of the pool. She was 55. She had 11 years until recently. They are not sure if it was just alcohol or alcohol and pills because apparently she had dabbled in those recently. Another friend's 28 year old daughter overdosed on Monday. When will people get it? I have been to more funerals and viewings in AA then I have in my entire life.
I'm sorry Sarah.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 10-05-18, 06:22 AM
carrythestars's Avatar
carrythestars carrythestars is offline
Jr Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 11
Thanks: 8
Thanked 8 Times in 4 Posts
carrythestars is on a distinguished road
Re: Miserable, alcoholic death

I'm so sorry... �� Alcoholism is terrible. My father took his own life after being an alcoholic most of his life, he was about 58.
He had back pain really bad and they wouldn't help him manage the pain. He had to be free.
I used to be able to drink alcohol, but if I try now I get an instant kind of reaction like I do with contrast dye...flushing..hives.
I'm thankful that I cannot drink alcohol.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to carrythestars For This Useful Post:
Little Missy (11-12-18), Rebelyell (10-05-18)
  #13  
Old 11-11-18, 01:55 PM
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is online now
Mod-A-holic
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: nj, usa
Posts: 28,222
Thanks: 5,744
Thanked 32,633 Times in 15,114 Posts
sarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Miserable, alcoholic death

Lost another friend. Alcohol played a part but this time it was a relapse on heroin. She odíd last week. She was 22 and a poly susbstance abuser. She had been in and out of AA but didnít make it. Iím getting sick of death.
__________________
President of the No F's given society.

I carried a watermelon?
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to sarahsweets For This Useful Post:
Little Missy (11-12-18)
  #14  
Old 11-12-18, 12:19 PM
Rebelyell's Avatar
Rebelyell Rebelyell is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: Somerset NJ
Posts: 10,310
Thanks: 6,272
Thanked 10,950 Times in 5,881 Posts
Rebelyell has a reputation beyond reputeRebelyell has a reputation beyond reputeRebelyell has a reputation beyond reputeRebelyell has a reputation beyond reputeRebelyell has a reputation beyond reputeRebelyell has a reputation beyond reputeRebelyell has a reputation beyond reputeRebelyell has a reputation beyond reputeRebelyell has a reputation beyond reputeRebelyell has a reputation beyond reputeRebelyell has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Miserable, alcoholic death

Sadly last month not only my fiance of 4 years basically walked out on me I found out a week after that I lost my best friend David to drinking himself to death after falling off the wagon again..his brother in law told me off the side his esaphagus ruptured n he basically bled to death.the police found him on a safety check.i went to his funeral n couldn't stop crying.im tired of seeing people I love die n leave me.once again Sarah I'm sorry and I know all too well your pain of seeing too many people I know laid to rest
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Rebelyell For This Useful Post:
Little Missy (11-12-18)
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Wellbutrin and increased thoughts of death? Issy12385 Wellbutrin 14 12-30-17 01:50 AM
I feel MISERABLE. andrea_sch Adderall 3 09-27-12 03:15 AM
Miserable Without Depression?? ZugTheMegasauru General ADD Talk 8 11-05-11 08:37 PM
death and depession MaddyMay Relationships & Social Issues 9 12-06-10 01:34 PM
Death Came Whispering Mary Poetry 0 04-10-03 07:40 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:46 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums