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  #16  
Old 12-31-17, 03:52 AM
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Re: Help me handle different personality types

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Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd View Post
I think I need to find out what "work hours" are. It's not a traditional 9-5 job, and I'm volunteering.
That does certainly make it trickier.


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Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd
Now I know that shut down means no texts. I guess it doesn't really matter, but take a look below and tell me if you don't think I had good reason to be confused.

All of this occurred from about 7:02 p.m. - 8:44 p.m.:

Anon: Can you talk on the phone?
Lady: Is it nothing we can discuss over text?
Anon: Sure.
Lady: I'm out of pocket tonight.
Lady: I'm in hermit mode.
Texting continues...
Several texts later...
Lady: We can talk about it tomorrow. I'm taking the night off remember? Have a good Saturday night!
I can't really say anything for sure without context. But yes, that first comment seems like she was green-lighting you to text her. I don't know what "out of pocket" means. "Hermit mode" to me sounds like a request to leave her alone. I wonder if maybe she was just expecting a single question, and then it turned into a longer series of texts, and she didn't have time to deal with a long string of texts? Hard to know.


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Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd
True. Does this make me an idiot?
Absolutely not. It just means you've learned something about yourself -- you need to be proactive in requesting guidance on boundaries for communication.

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Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd
I think she may need to reduce the amount of people that she's speaking with, as well. No?
That's what it sounds like she was trying to do by asking you to stop contacting her for the evening.

In any case, it's probably more productive for you to focus on what you can do, rather than to worry about what she should do.

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I can live with that. It probably seems like I want her to live up to my demands. I actually am looking to understand what her needs and boundaries are.
That's reasonable. (I also don't mean to suggest that you should just blindly follow whatever a boss / manager / etc. tells you to do simply because of the hierarchy, nor that you must always subordinate your needs to those of others. But sometimes recognizing your position within an organization and playing that role can make things go more smoothly, especially when the task or project involves a lot of coordination between a lot of people.)
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  #17  
Old 12-31-17, 04:00 AM
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Re: Help me handle different personality types

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Originally Posted by namazu View Post
That's what it sounds like she was trying to do by asking you to stop contacting her for the evening.

In any case, it's probably more productive for you to focus on what you can do, rather than to worry about what she should do.
I get that she didn't want to be bothered. Fine. I know she recharges by herself. Good. My struggle with what you're saying is that I'm in a position with a lot of responsibility, and with this project, she's relatively new and needs coaching. I'm not sure that your advice applies within this context.
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  #18  
Old 12-31-17, 04:03 AM
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Re: Help me handle different personality types

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That's reasonable. (I also don't mean to suggest that you should just blindly follow whatever a boss / manager / etc. tells you to do simply because of the hierarchy, nor that you must always subordinate your needs to those of others. But sometimes recognizing your position within an organization and playing that role can make things go more smoothly, especially when the task or project involves a lot of coordination between a lot of people.)
I'm the one with the most responsibility, other than her, within this project. That's what makes everything a little different.
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Old 12-31-17, 04:06 AM
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Re: Help me handle different personality types

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Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd View Post
I get that she didn't want to be bothered. Fine. I know she recharges by herself. Good. My struggle with what you're saying is that I'm in a position with a lot of responsibility, and with this project, she's relatively new and needs coaching. I'm not sure that your advice applies within this context.
Maybe not. Without knowing more about the project, her role, your role, the structure of the organization(s) involved, etc., I can only guess.

That said...you're a newish volunteer on this project, right? So (unless you have extensive experience in this area and could have been in her position, and she's asked for your help) you're probably not going to coach her, and instead should focus on yourself. Forget what she needs. What do you need to be successful in your role on this project, and how are you going to make it happen?
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  #20  
Old 12-31-17, 06:50 AM
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Re: Help me handle different personality types

I guess I look at things differently. When you say volunteer do you mean no financial compensation? If thats what you mean then I personally wouldnt have bothered her at all after work hours, especially if she said she needed to shut down or recharge.

And what did you mean when you said you needed to learn how to handle her? Did you mean learn how to relate to her or her personality? Or did you mean how you can get what you need by... sort of molding yourself to her model?
I would never want to be contacted after work hours, especially if it was volunteer. Unless that came with the job description or it was a genuine emergency.
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  #21  
Old 12-31-17, 06:56 AM
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Re: Help me handle different personality types

Is it possible she gave the the greenlight to text her but didnt really mean it? Or only thought it was a quick question that would have a simple yes or no and she could go back to her home time? Or said yes, but didnt really mean yes?
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  #22  
Old 12-31-17, 05:51 PM
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Re: Help me handle different personality types

The thing is that we had a couple deadlines to meet yesterday. Should I have brought those deadlines up first?
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  #23  
Old 01-03-18, 06:55 AM
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Re: Help me handle different personality types

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The thing is that we had a couple deadlines to meet yesterday. Should I have brought those deadlines up first?
Maybe, but it seems like she was fairly clear about not wanting to be bothered..
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  #24  
Old 01-03-18, 10:23 AM
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Re: Help me handle different personality types

Just ask her what hours you can contact her during. When it's a volunteer job, you really can't be expected to know.

Unless her job is paid and she has set work hours in which cause she doesn't want to be contacted outside those hours. If questions truly can't be determined in advance because of how urgent everything is, then I'd ask her how to deal with urgent situations and give her an example so she can understand you really can't just contact her during those hours.

That said, I have never known a volunteer job that ever required anything that urgently (though maybe yours is different) so really think about if there is a way to ask in advance. When starting projects, I usually look through the whole design and think things through enough to be able to ask nearly all questions in one sitting before I even start a project. Yes, there are always questions that pop up as I go along. I record those in a draft email as a work and then I email off my questions again in bulk so I don't bug anyone too often.

Do you have time for that volunteer job these days? Last I remember you were hoping to get a side paid job. Just worried you may be feeling too much stress these days. Good luck, and it being a volunteer job, I wouldn't sweat the communications issues - jist think of it as good practice.
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  #25  
Old 01-03-18, 07:40 PM
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Re: Help me handle different personality types

I donít know how relevant Myers-Briggs is in this situation (or most situations tbh, as itís not really a scientifically valid metric of personality). You donít need to be an introvert to not want to talk about work outside of work hours or wanting a day off. Itís not their personality that is the issue - itís more likely a lack of social awareness on your part. Hey, Iíve got autism and ADHD so believe me when I say that I **** up with recognising social boundaries all the time. Also, your boss might not be very good at communicating their needs, which is a strong possibility. Some people are very afraid of conflict, even if theyíre your boss. One of my previous bosses was awful at giving feedback because he would say ďWell itís not that bad- weíll actually itís pretty badĒ. I think he was scared of being disliked.

Your work ethic is commendable but most people donít have that kind of endurance. Iím somewhat introverted myself so I speak with some authority that the need to recharge after human contact is a very real struggle.

Anyway, your best bet for avoiding this kind of hiccup in the future is just to outright ask people in the first instance what theyíre comfortable with. If you like working late hours, you would just tell them that and ask them what hours are okay to call them or collaborate. Good communication is key.
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  #26  
Old 01-03-18, 08:36 PM
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Re: Help me handle different personality types

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Maybe, but it seems like she was fairly clear about not wanting to be bothered..
She actually apologized for not meeting them.
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