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Old 02-08-18, 05:26 AM
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Becca turns 18 on the 17th- some advice/info?

Yes, the saga continues. If you have been following in a nutshell...we took her car away, she earned back the privledge of driving her and her sister to school and driving to and from work. No driving friends, and when she wanted to sleep over a friends' house we drove and picked her up. Things have improved so far.

She keeps talking about how great things will be when she is 18. So Mark and I asked her to write down what things she thinks will be different when she is 18 and what her expectations are. Then we had her read them to us and then we said that Mark and I would talk and we would have another family meeting with her to talk about it. Im very proud of the way I suggested that and carried it out. We listened with our listening ears. I didnt say anything about what I thought about her ideas, just let her talk and told her we would get back to her. This is really good growth for me to keep my mouth shut and my poker face on. I cant ask her to do something and immeditately shoot down her ideas or argue with her about them.

Here are some of her expectations:
That she will be allowed to stay out later (she didnt even mention the word curfew just later)
That she would be able to go out later on in the evening like if she and her friends made spur of the moment plans to go see a movie or something at 9pm
That she will be a legal adult.
I know she is going to pierce something but she didnt mention that part.
I know she wants tattoos but she didnt mention that part either.
She mentioned specifically: "by law, I will be a legal adult but I fully respect that I live in your house and have to abide by your rules"
She also said" I know the car isnt in my name and Im being allowed to use it".
So thats good.
She thinks she should be able to make more of her own decisions( we are hoping this does not include refusing community college). There are a few more that are variations of what I have already mentioned.

What do you all think? If any of you remember her track record or have followed her story feel free to chime in.
What changed for you when you turned 18?
Not much changed for me because I was just like her with the lying and stuff so the last huge fight with my mom was when I said I was going out cause I was 18 and she said I wasnt. She yanked my ponytail and smacked me....which she never did but I swear I deserved it. I ran up to my room and we never fought like that again- and Its like things just changed between us. I am NOT saying I need to have a physical altercation with Becca to force some kind of cathartic wake up call and I know it sounds awful what happened to me. I swear my mom was never abusive I was just so....venomous and mean to her with my mouth that she snapped. Once I realized that 18 still meant I had to listen to my mom things just changed.

But seriously, what changed for you and what were your expectations? Were they met? If you have younger children what will you do?
I would be lying if I said I wasnt terrified. I dont ever want to have a worst case scenario where she takes off cause she doesnt like the rules or we have to kick her out (which I cant see ever happening) but the worries still percolate in my mind.
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