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Old 02-25-18, 04:08 PM
ingachick ingachick is offline
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multiple symtoms/ no diagnosis

Hello. I am completly new to this. I am 52 and have had an impossible time throughout my life to convey my symptoms accurately and be understood to any degree by nearly every professional I have sought help from. It hasn't been until recently that it occured to me that In lumping all of my symptoms into one, all that makes me feel so ridiculously abnormal, I have confused everyone. I am assuming that I haven't sought the right help from the right people...
I have had a lifetime of desire to understand what the hell is going on in my brain that makes me feel so "off" and simply by fate and circumstance, I believe that I have come across an expaination (indeed, a thoroughly unprofessional diagnosis) and would appreciate any input from any insightful human.
I am suffuering from (at least) 2 disorders. One of them had an actual onset...it simply began one day when I was 8 or so. It is completely eposodic and during those episodes I feel NOT THERE and it is terrifying. I have since come to make peace with these episodes because they have not yet killed my and don't seem to get worse and I always come back to "normal", that is to say, "MY normal" which I know is NOT normal.
I have no idea when the other issue began because I have never known it not to be there. I feel unable to finish things, important or not. I am ridiculously forgetful and fuzzy brained. I am unable to concentrate and focus. I became frustrated beyond belief at this when I was in high school and actively sought help (again, describing ALL of my symptoms). I was met with what felt like a pat on the head and a shooing off...in essence, "you seem like a bright girl, go apply yourself"
Many years and attempts with further frustration at the inability of ANYONE to take me seriously, my son was diagnosed with ADHD and I connected the obvious dots and soon after that, I came accros the likely "disconnect" disorder that had plagued me : Depersonalization Disorder.
The two of them together have messed with me profoundly causing anxiety and depression.
Any thoughts, Please?
Inga
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Old 02-26-18, 05:22 AM
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Re: multiple symtoms/ no diagnosis

Quote:
Originally Posted by ingachick View Post
I am suffuering from (at least) 2 disorders. One of them had an actual onset...it simply began one day when I was 8 or so. It is completely eposodic and during those episodes I feel NOT THERE and it is terrifying. I have since come to make peace with these episodes because they have not yet killed my and don't seem to get worse and I always come back to "normal", that is to say, "MY normal" which I know is NOT normal.
Can you elaborate on what you mean by "not there"?

Quote:
I have no idea when the other issue began because I have never known it not to be there. I feel unable to finish things, important or not. I am ridiculously forgetful and fuzzy brained. I am unable to concentrate and focus. I became frustrated beyond belief at this when I was in high school and actively sought help (again, describing ALL of my symptoms). I was met with what felt like a pat on the head and a shooing off...in essence, "you seem like a bright girl, go apply yourself"
Gotta love condescending people telling you to suck it up and move on....

Quote:
Many years and attempts with further frustration at the inability of ANYONE to take me seriously, my son was diagnosed with ADHD and I connected the obvious dots and soon after that, I came accros the likely "disconnect" disorder that had plagued me : Depersonalization Disorder.
The two of them together have messed with me profoundly causing anxiety and depression.


I found this:

Quote:
Depersonalization disorder (DPD), also known as depersonalization/derealization disorder,[3] is a mental disorder in which the person has persistent or recurrent feelings of depersonalization or derealization. Depersonalization is described as feeling disconnected or detached from one's self. Individuals experiencing depersonalization may report feeling as if they are an outside observer of their own thoughts or body, and often report feeling a loss of control over their thoughts or actions.[4] In some cases, individuals may be unable to accept their reflection as their own, or they may have out-of-body experiences.[5] Derealization is described as detachment from one's surroundings. Individuals experiencing derealization may report perceiving the world around them as foggy, dreamlike/surreal, or visually distorted.[4] In addition to these depersonalization-derealization disorder symptoms, the inner turmoil created by the disorder can result in depression, self-harm, low self-esteem, panic attacks, phobias, etc. It can also cause a variety of physical symptoms, including chest pain, blurry vision, visual snow, nausea, and the sensation of pins and needles in one's arms or legs.

Depersonalization-derealization disorder is thought to be caused largely by severe traumatic lifetime events, including childhood abuse, accidents, natural disasters, war, torture, and bad drug experiences. It is unclear whether genetics plays a role; however, there are many neurochemical and hormonal changes in individuals with depersonalization disorder.[6] The disorder is typically associated with cognitive disruptions in early perceptual and attentional processes.[7]

Diagnostic criteria for depersonalization-derealization disorder include, among other symptoms, persistent or recurrent feelings of detachment from one's mental or bodily processes or from one's surroundings.[8] A diagnosis is made when the dissociation is persistent and interferes with the social and/or occupational functions of daily life. However, accurate descriptions of the symptoms are hard to provide due to the subjective nature of depersonalization/derealization and persons' ambiguous use of language when describing these episodes. In the DSM-5, it was combined with Derealization Disorder and renamed Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder (DDPD).[9] In the DSM-5, it remains classified as a dissociative disorder, while the ICD-10 calls it depersonalization-derealization syndrome and classifies it as a neurotic disorder.[10] Although the disorder is an alteration in the subjective experience of reality, it is not a form of psychosis, as the person is able to distinguish between their own internal experiences and the objective reality of the outside world. During episodic and continuous depersonalization, the person can distinguish between reality and fantasy. In other words, the grasp on reality remains stable at all times.[11]

While depersonalization-derealization disorder was once considered rare, lifetime experiences with it occur in about 1ľ2% of the general population. The chronic form of the disorder has a reported prevalence of 0.8 to 1.9%.[12] While these numbers may seem small, depersonalization/derealization experiences have been reported by a majority of the general population, with varying degrees of intensity.[13] While brief episodes of depersonalization or derealization can be common in the general population, the disorder is only diagnosed when these symptoms cause substantial distress or impair social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.[14]
Do you think the adhd and depersonalization is connected?
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Old 02-26-18, 06:41 AM
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Re: multiple symtoms/ no diagnosis

Hi Inga, i see a lot of similaritys in your story. In the symptoms and in not getting the right 'label' or treatment as well. I was diagnosed last year at 52 with adhd combined type, and i think getting clear on what's 'wrong' with me already made a huge difference.

It made me realise i'm not alone in this and i can look for solutions instead of being stuck in the not knowing, making myself even more crazy with negative thoughts. Panic attacks with depersonalisation/derealisation made me see a doctor again after 10 years of burnout symptoms and blaming that on work or fear for some physical disorder. As it turns out, those symptoms could possibly relate with undiagnosed adhd, as a reaction of stress being not identified and therefor developing more 'disorders', although i can't say that for sure yet, what came first or what was already there... it's less important for me to know now anyway, because like normal people, we're all unique in our expressions.

I think it's beautiful that your son is giving you this mirror and think about how difficult it must be for parents, dealing with adhd kids while having it themselves and not being aware of it. I came to feel compassion for my mother, she gave me a hard time but she just couldn't do better. Children are more lucky these days as it can be recognised. I would advise you to have yourself tested on this. To me it meant the start of a journey in not having to fight (against myself) anymore, acceptance and start looking for ways to live instead of just getting by or surviving.
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Old 02-26-18, 11:58 AM
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Re: multiple symtoms/ no diagnosis

It's ridiculously difficult for women to get a proper diagnosis of adhd (also for
men with inattentive presentation of adhd) because even after all these years
doctors still think adhd means boys who are hyperactive. Not girls.

The first suggested diagnosis my granddaughter was given was bipolar, because
that's what girls have. I ran into the same mind set a couple of years later.
My granddaughter has autism, I believe I have autism along with adhd. Both of
these disorders run in my mother's family. But no one in my family has bipolar.


There can be other reasons for your NOT THERE feeling including absence
seizures, and 'shutting down' which is associated with autism and severe adhd.

Google "adhd + shutting down". It simply means we have to work so hard to
do the things neurotypical people do without thinking our brains are exhausted,
or we are overwhelmed by sensory bombardment that most people don't even
notice (noises, smells, lights, feelings, tastes, awareness).
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Old 02-26-18, 03:30 PM
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Re: multiple symtoms/ no diagnosis

Not to pry but have you suffered any trauma in your life?
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Old 02-26-18, 05:37 PM
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Re: multiple symtoms/ no diagnosis

Welcome to the board and thanks for sharing your story.

It must be a relief to finally feel like you're making some progress and making some sense of your experience.

I read that definition that Sarah presented, and I couldn't help but wonder what happened in your life (if anything) at around age 8.

Definitely worth finding a psychiatrist and a therapist that are open to your ideas and your own sense of your diagnosis.

Thanks for sharing.

Tone
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