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  #1  
Old 08-01-18, 09:10 PM
vanillatea vanillatea is offline
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Question undiagnosed ADHD? or am i lazy?

sorry, im new here so i apologise if i posted this in the wrong place or anything.

im female, 15, and from the UK.

back in primary school, i would get quite good grades but was always in trouble. everywhere teachers moved me, i would always be chatting and getting distracted from my work. me nor my parents ever considered that there was anything wrong with me, which is probably down to the fact that, as i said, i got good grades. i wouldnt say i was really a "problem child" like a few other kids, but i wasnt far off. i would always lose my "golden time" as it was called and specifically remember being the only kid in my class with a sticker chart to manage my behaviour.

in year 7, i was pretty much a golden child. my best friend was a teachers pet i guess (i dont mean this in a bad way), and she had quite the influence on me. we'd always get our work done, ask for extensions, get homework done. granted, a lot of the time i was copying from her, but i worked hard on my own as well.

i think that was probably one of the best times for me during school. i would actually focus and felt smart lol. but it's all gone downhill from there. i used to be one of the smartest people in my year but now i just feel average. im in top sets for maths, english and science, but ive fallen behind everyone else and have a hard time listening and focusing in my lessons. im especially bad at maths now because we've had many new teachers, and the one we have now goes so fast through everything despite the class asking her to slow down, so when i miss something because i was daydreaming, i dont really get another chance to learn it. she shouted at me because i was staring out of the window a couple of weeks ago, which was quite embarassing because the whole class turned to look at me

about 2 years ago i mentioned the possibility of having adhd to my mum, but before i could barely get a word of my point in she just laughed at me and said no you dont. it made me feel really silly and that i was just making it up in my head or something, so i havent thought about it since. but recently ive been noticing how hard it is to focus, not just in school but in anything. im not a very good listener, im always fidgeting/tapping/doing something, and i realise how much im stuck inside my head with a million thoughts at any time.

but, at the same time, ive always felt that i was just lazy and trying to make up excuses to myself. i never really feel like ive tried my best, and whenever i do homework instead of shutting everything else out i always end up googling irrelevant thoughts that pop into my mind and doing that instead. i dont know what it is and i want to go to a doctor/psychiatrist or something but im scared my mum wont let me or will laugh at me again. ive brought up unrelated health concerns/other things in the past but shes done the same thing, where she says no and wont let me even get my point out. im just really concerned because im going into year 11 next year and my grades are so poor, i dont want it to be the case where i fail because something out of my control was left untreated (not saying i have adhd, im just saying if i were to id want to get help for it).

i made an account because obviously people on these forums have real diagnosed adhd and can tell me their thoughts regarding my situation. it could be the case that im lazy and unmotivated, ive just included earlier details about my life because its recently occurred to me that these could be related.

thank you so much if youve read this far haha
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Old 08-02-18, 05:42 AM
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Re: undiagnosed ADHD? or am i lazy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by vanillatea View Post
sorry, im new here so i apologise if i posted this in the wrong place or anything.

im female, 15, and from the UK.

back in primary school, i would get quite good grades but was always in trouble. everywhere teachers moved me, i would always be chatting and getting distracted from my work. me nor my parents ever considered that there was anything wrong with me, which is probably down to the fact that, as i said, i got good grades. i wouldnt say i was really a "problem child" like a few other kids, but i wasnt far off. i would always lose my "golden time" as it was called and specifically remember being the only kid in my class with a sticker chart to manage my behaviour.
A lot of times parents can be in denial because they think that if their child has an issue its a reflection of their "bad" parenting. This is more common than you think. It sucks because adhd has nothing to do with how someone is parented.


Quote:

i think that was probably one of the best times for me during school. i would actually focus and felt smart lol. but it's all gone downhill from there. i used to be one of the smartest people in my year but now i just feel average. im in top sets for maths, english and science, but ive fallen behind everyone else and have a hard time listening and focusing in my lessons. im especially bad at maths now because we've had many new teachers, and the one we have now goes so fast through everything despite the class asking her to slow down, so when i miss something because i was daydreaming, i dont really get another chance to learn it. she shouted at me because i was staring out of the window a couple of weeks ago, which was quite embarassing because the whole class turned to look at me
You need to ask someone for help. Do you have a friend that could tutor you?
Quote:

about 2 years ago i mentioned the possibility of having adhd to my mum, but before i could barely get a word of my point in she just laughed at me and said no you dont. it made me feel really silly and that i was just making it up in my head or something, so i havent thought about it since. but recently ive been noticing how hard it is to focus, not just in school but in anything. im not a very good listener, im always fidgeting/tapping/doing something, and i realise how much im stuck inside my head with a million thoughts at any time.
Its a shame your mum shut you down like that. That can be common in parents who see grades as the only measure of success.

Quote:
but, at the same time, ive always felt that i was just lazy and trying to make up excuses to myself. i never really feel like ive tried my best, and whenever i do homework instead of shutting everything else out i always end up googling irrelevant thoughts that pop into my mind and doing that instead. i dont know what it is and i want to go to a doctor/psychiatrist or something but im scared my mum wont let me or will laugh at me again.
Do you have any other mental health issues that could be addressed? I ask because if you could get into see a psychiatrist for anything you could then discuss the adhd.

Quote:
ive brought up unrelated health concerns/other things in the past but shes done the same thing, where she says no and wont let me even get my point out. im just really concerned because im going into year 11 next year and my grades are so poor, i dont want it to be the case where i fail because something out of my control was left untreated (not saying i have adhd, im just saying if i were to id want to get help for it).
Is there a school counselor you could speak with?

Quote:
i made an account because obviously people on these forums have real diagnosed adhd and can tell me their thoughts regarding my situation. it could be the case that im lazy and unmotivated, ive just included earlier details about my life because its recently occurred to me that these could be related.

thank you so much if youve read this far haha
You did the right thing? Is your Dad involved?
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Old 08-02-18, 04:22 PM
vanillatea vanillatea is offline
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Re: undiagnosed ADHD? or am i lazy?

thanks for taking the time to reply to me

my boyfriend sits with me in maths, but whilst he understands the work (for the most part), he isn't the most motivated and id be lying if i said we didn't distract each other a fair bit. i get along with people at school fine, but im not really close enough with anyone to where i could work with them outside of school. my best friend who id usually do this kind of stuff with (not the person mentioned earlier) hasnt been in school for the entirety of the year due to problems with anxiety. she wasnt given any work to do at home which was down to the schools poor understanding of anxiety and them just deciding its easier to forget about her :/ . im not sure if she'll be back in year 11 but if she is ill probably be the one tutoring her haha.

as far as im aware i dont have any other mental health issues, but even if i did i think my parents wouldn't do much as they see things like anxiety and depression more as emotions/things that you deal with by yourself rather than treatable mental illnesses.

at my school we dont really have a school counsellor as such. my school is a normal public school, but it also caters more than others for children and teens with learning difficulties, usually more severe. because of this theres a kind of divide i guess, where they have plenty of support for those kids and leave everyone else to just get on with it really.

i live with both my mum and my dad, but ive always been a bit closer to my mum. shes the one ill generally go to for emotional advice/support. i just cant really see myself talking to my dad about something like this, because im almost certain he wouldnt understand. he doesnt involve himself much with my school life so all he sees are grades and if theyre bad or not.

again, thank you for replying to me. im just a bit stressed out because it feels too late to be realising all of this.
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