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Old 09-11-18, 05:05 PM
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psychopathetic psychopathetic is offline
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Moving towards employment...again.

Let me just start off by saying that I have a HUGE fearing of becoming employed...and then quitting soon after.

It's what's happened the last 2 times I've become employed in the last 4'ish years.
I was SUPER excited about both jobs, and got tons of people both in the 3d world and online all super excited for me...and then bam...I became overwhelmed very quickly at both places and quit.

I had a dream job 2 years ago...something I think that if I'd have stuck with...would've stopped being a job, and would've become a career.
But dang...I only lasted a couple of months.

That out of the way...

I'm moving towards employment. Have been for a few months now, but have been trying to take it slow. I tend to jump into new things too quickly and put ALL my effort and attention into it, just to either become overwhelmed or bored of it...and quit.
So I'm moving slowly on purpose here.

But I'm now closer. I look to fill out and turn in an application within the next 3 weeks.

It's another dream job. Something I can see myself doing well into the distance future.

It'd be helping people with developmental disabilities with daily tasks.
It'd be with people that are well enough to not need to be in an institute (which our town has)...but at the same time...can't live without 24/7 assistance.
They live in several different group homes, and they've also got a big building (one of the largest in town) where they do all sorts of different activities.

1 of the greatest disapointments I had with my last job...working in a nursing that my boss made it very clear (verbally), that I could not be spending so much 1 on 1 time with the lovely people that lived there. That I had too much to do and that I wasn't being payed to visit and be 1 on 1 with the lovelies. It honestly broke my heart...I felt SO amazing when I was with them visiting and listening and just showing them that I cared about them and that they were important to me! haha I'm getting goosebumps as I typed that.
That was pretty much the breaking point for me. That's when I really started going down hill with the job quick.

This new place I'd be working for's ALL about being 1 on 1 with these guys! My responsibilities aren't to the responsibilities are to the people themselves.
THIS is what I love! THIS is what I want. This is what I'd hoped for in my previous job.

And I'm damn good at it. I'm good at caring for people, listening, and being sensitive, supportive, understanding...I love helping, and I'm just a big ol''s very natural for me to take on the role of a grandson or a nephew to people...sometimes even a brother.
I'm just nice, honest, caring person at heart...and I really think that once people start getting to know me, they can just sense that in me. They can relax around me.

Despite the fact that I'm a loner...I really do love people. And I love helping those who are a bit vulnerable. Elderly and the disabled and etc. I've got this "big papa"/"protector" side of me that doesn't get to shine nearly enough. When I'm able to let that side out's just magical!

And things are just so well lined up for me at this place. I'm working with a case manager who worked there for over 10 years and knows all the right people to talk to...
The place is also BIG on hiring people with mental and physical disabilities of just about any kind.
Not only do they hire part time...but my case manager thinks she can get it set up where I'd only work like 3 or 4 days a week and probably under 20 hours for a period of time, and then re-evaluate things after a period of time (like a month or so) and if I'm feeling ready...then I could add on more hours from there.
This would be to help me from taking on too much too quickly and becoming overwhelmed like I have a long history of.
And...I'd most likely work either evenings or nights...which is perfect for me, as I'm not a morning person at all.

It just sounds so great on paper. Things line up so well. It's something I'm not only good at...but that I love'd be part time, it'd be very fulfilling where I'd be making a direct impact on people each day...and yeah...It just sounds all so great!

So anyhow...this post is already far longer then it needs to be. I do realized I'm ridiculous to expect anyone to read through such a long post.

Just wanted to post this up though. A part time job would do SO much for me guys. And it's not about the money at all. It's about what it'll do for my mood and giving me purpose and hope and making me feel productive and responsible again.
That's more important to me than the money.

I do have a LOT of fears though going forward. I'm sure I'll post more about those fears later...but that's for another thread.

Today I just wanted to let ya'll know that I've been working slowly towards this job for several months now...but now I'm just about ready to make that leap and put all my efforts into landing a position at this place.
I'm not 100% ready for this...but at the same time I realize that I'll never bee 100% ready and it seems to me that the positives greatly outweigh the negatives.

I Miss You.

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