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  #1  
Old 02-24-06, 05:28 PM
Kathrick Kathrick is offline
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Hello friends! Kathrick - Oregon

Hello friends,



I am Kathrick, and am currently pursuing my masteres in Technical Writing in the United States. With a bachelors degree in electrical engineering, I believe that a master's degree in TW will help increase my job prospects.



I was diagnosed with ADHD,OCD and anxiety almost 3 years ago.

I can’t have ADHD. That is only an excuse for munchkins and dullards. right?



That’s how my line of thinking was. For a while after my diagnoses, I was so depressed about it as if I had something dreaded disease. I even contemplated suicide. It was that hard a fact to digest. I have come a long way since then, learning to accept my difference, and trying to work with it, if not around it, to blend with the so called “normal crowd.” :soapbox:



Being a part of society is such a tough thing. I am funny and full of wit. But yet, I am socially akward. Inside my heart it simmers—the seething fire that just cant wait to explode in the sky: “Why am I what I am? What a time it is to be me? And I am ALONE?”



Even as I type this introduction, my eyes are welling up. I want to be normal.

Those years of internal torment, alienating from friends, impulsivity, rebelling against my cultural norms, arrogance, the creativity, humor and with ….all of them and more seemed to fit a pattern that is ADHD. My education, social life, and just about everything about me seemed to be embedded by this ADHD.



Medications have been another nightmare. Not because I am against it; I and my doc seem to have tried about several drug combinations. If ADHD meds work, the anxiety med wont. Xanax seems to be the only anti-anxiety drug that helps. But the doc doesn’t want to prescribe it along with a stimulant. But I need that push only a stimulant can offer…see my problem?



Thannkfully, I have a remarkable education background.But is that enough? I mean, really? I have taken several relevant courses including Technical Editing, Document Design, Book Editing, and have enjoyed them all. A handful of internships (Tektronix, DELL, and National Aerospace Labs) didn't hurt. This may also give you an impression that so smart and Confident?
Smart, may be so. But confident? Yeah right!!

Often, I have pretended my way through it all. For example: I passed my engineering calculus exam with a high score without understanding **** from shinnola as to what calculus is all about. No, I didn't copy or cheat. See what I mean? Inside, I feel that guilt--it burns to know that I have fooled myself through most of it, if not all.


My hobbies, among other things, include reading, writing, and editing works for fiction. I am creative and love to write. I worked for a while as a journalist for my school paper.



This group seems to be forthcoming and very helpful and informative. Looking forward to interact with you all. I am glad to be a part of this group. Struggle lies ahead, but I am gathering myself, and I am sure all of you are too.



Cheers,

(Kathrick)
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  #2  
Old 02-24-06, 05:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kathrick


I can’t have ADHD. That is only an excuse for munchkins and dullards. right?



I used to think just like this. When my Nephew was first dx I thought what a bunch of hog-wash. "He just needs more dicipline." Little did I know...


Quote:
Originally Posted by KATHRICK
Being a part of society is such a tough thing. I am funny and full of wit. But yet, I am socially akward. Inside my heart it simmers—the seething fire that just cant wait to explode in the sky: “Why am I what I am? What a time it is to be me? And I am ALONE?”


This was wonderfully written - With us you are never alone! There are so many people here who love to help anyway they can.


Quote:
Originally Posted by KATHRICK
Smart, may be so. But confident? Yeah right!!

Often, I have pretended my way through it all. For example: I passed my engineering calculus exam with a high score without understanding **** from shinnola as to what calculus is all about. No, I didn't copy or cheat. See what I mean? Inside, I feel that guilt--it burns to know that I have fooled myself through most of it, if not all.



* This is not at all uncommon - with alot of adders because of hyperfocus and lack of attention they can get through school without ever cracking a book just by acing tests. I read some life stories on this at www.livingwithadd.com. This was an interesting site to visit but I like this one (addforums) better.


This group seems to be forthcoming and very helpful and informative. Looking forward to interact with you all. I am glad to be a part of this group. Struggle lies ahead, but I am gathering myself, and I am sure all of you are too.


I really hope you will visit this site often. And I hope you can try to not be too hard on yourself. Remember the Nephew I mentioned, he has ADHD, My son has ADHD, and I was recently dx with ADD. For us it seems to be a family thing.
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Old 02-24-06, 10:14 PM
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Welcome, Kathrick!

It's very nice to meet you. I know that the diagnosis of ADHD can be rough and it can be difficult to accept that it's part of you. It's hard when something like this affects your functioning in life.

It's great that you're gathering yourself! The forum members here are a supportive bunch, and the majority of us understand what you are going through.

I hope you check out this link; it's something that may help in looking at ADHD a different way:
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=24198

It's a wonderful list of the positive aspects of ADHD. I know that the negatives of it can be overwhelming, and once in a while I need a reminder of the good that comes with it. I find the more I can focus on the things about me that ADHD has (positively) given me, the easier it is to deal with it.


I really look forward to reading more posts written by you, Kathrick!

Here are some forums that might interest you:

Creative Writing
http://www.addforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=113

Men with ADHD
http://www.addforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=59

General ADD
http://www.addforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=13

Anxiety:
http://www.addforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=108

ADHD Meds (in General Med section or the above Anxiety forum, you may be able to find an ADHD med that you can take with Xanax)
http://www.addforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=18
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Old 02-25-06, 04:52 PM
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Kathrick? I thought that might be a female's name? Just checking. I noticed "LivingInChaos" supplied you with the "Men And ADD" link, and I had assumed you were a female. Please correct one of us. AND - so nice to meet you as well. There are TONS (too many in my opinion. . . lol) of smart people here, so you'll have people like you to learn from.

Sincerely,
Sue
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Old 02-25-06, 05:31 PM
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Welcome to the ADD Forums, Kathrick
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  #6  
Old 02-26-06, 12:05 AM
Kathrick Kathrick is offline
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Hello everyone,


I am a GUY, both physically and emotionally.
/Kathrick
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Old 02-26-06, 01:49 PM
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hi kathrick. welcome to the forums.
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Old 02-26-06, 02:41 PM
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Hey, sorry Kathrick! Geesh, I must have read every "Naming Your Baby" book there was when I was pregnant. Can't believe I hadn't heard "Kathrick" before. I'm so sorry.

Thanks for being such a good sport about it . . . you masculine, manly, manish MAN!!!!

:-) Sue
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  #9  
Old 02-27-06, 06:55 AM
Kathrick Kathrick is offline
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Hello all,


Thank you for the warm welcome.


Sincerely,
Kathrick (The manly macho man )
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Old 02-27-06, 07:44 AM
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Hello Kathrick and welcome to the board. I know what you meant about that alone feeling but you are not alone. I also see you are an educated person as many here are. Something I wish I had persued but could not keep my focus on it and wound up quitting college. Just out of curiosity, did you get your degrees before you were medicated? I'm just wondering if that is what I need to do if I want to go back to school in the future. My H is so against meds. but I have no confidence in myself that I could finish college. I know I have the intellegence but the challenge seems like climbing Mt. Everest or something. I just feel like less of a person because I don't have any degrees. I know I shouldn't but I do. I think it is great you were able to do that and will be interested in your further posts. This is a great place to be where people "get you" and you don't have to feel different or alone. Dee
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Old 02-27-06, 04:51 PM
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Hello Add42,

Yes, I got my engineering bachelors without meds. In fact, my doc, who had said earlier that without meds I was done for, now said "Kathrick, you have just accomplished a miracle. congragulations!!.

At that time (8 yrs ago) I was diagnosed with OCD and anxiety only. So, the meds were not having the anti-ADD effect. I lost faith in meds and decided to discontinue them. How did I manage to finish my engineering? Well, I worked my asss off. I put double the effort others would have.

Also, I had a very very very helpful friend who went out of the way to help me out. He was there by my side in my otherwise horrendous times. It was like as if he was God-sent. Without his academic guidance, I dont think I would have been able to accomplish whatever little I have so far. I owe a lot to him.

See if you have such friends by your side and also introspect within yourself if you have the will to work your butt off. No pain no gain, see what I mean? It all boils down to one thing: How badly do you wanna finish your degree!

Until 3 yrs ago, I didn't even know there was such a thing as ADD. Had I been diagnosed earlier, I probably wouldn't have needed as much help I ended up taking. If I were you, I would take medication and pursue my degree, because meds would would be my much needed life-boat in my otherwise laborious journey through life. .....

Of course, if you believe that meds are not for you, and that you can take charge without them, I say go for it. good luck.

Life is hard. But I now believe that just because it is hard doesn't mean it is less enjoyable. Hope it helps.

Sincerely,
Kathrick
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Old 02-27-06, 09:09 PM
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Thank you so much for your insightful post. I really appreciate it and I agree, no pain, no gain. Lucky for me I do have a sister that is a teacher and I think she could probably help push me when I need it and to also show me the best methods to study and be organized. She will also make sure I do all the work even though she may be there for support and advice. She's a tough little cookie but her students respect and love her. I never really thought about having someone help me a bit but that might be what I need. I'd like to try to do it without meds. but if that is not possible I may just go that route.

I think it's great all that you have accomplished and I do understand some of the feelings you were describing in your original post. Part of the reason I guess I never finished college. I didn't have enough confidence in myself. I am a writer of sorts too, the story, poem, song, type writer and my Father was an Electrical Engineer, brilliant man, but I do think he had ADD also. Some day I'd like to write a book about my crazy life if I can focus on it long enough . Like you, I felt depressed too when I found out that both my daughter and I have ADD, but you do get past that. I had a lot of help here. My daughter has it much easier then me as she has help at school when she needs it. As for me, through sheer power of will I learned how to socialize and make friends relatively easy and work around my weaknesses. It probably took twice the time it would have taken had I been on meds. but know one knew that much about it when I was a child, so I pretty much did it on my own. Not an easy feat and I went through so many ups and downs, depression, anxiety, you name it. This forum was a big help when I went through some of those ups and downs and the diagnosis of my daughter and other crisis I've been through like the death of my Father. You will find some really great people and help here. Thanks again so much for your post and you are not alone. Dee
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