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Women with ADD/ADHD This forum is for women to discuss issues related to being a woman with AD/HD.

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  #31  
Old 12-01-07, 12:16 AM
AZKam AZKam is offline
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Re: ADHD and sexual promiscuity....

I just want to mention that any of you who have been experiencing sexual promiscuity, or whatever else you want to call it, might check to make sure you don't have some variation of bipolar. There are types of bipolar that aren't what you think (not like the stereotypes). Excessive impulsivity in sexual relationships is one of the main signs.

Also, one type of bipolar only becomes apparent after some medication causes hypo-mania. Adderall is definitely a type of medication that can cause this.

Anyway, it is something to consider and talk to your doctor about.
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  #32  
Old 12-17-07, 09:02 PM
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Re: ADHD and sexual promiscuity....

Sorry I'm posting here, but ladies feel free to post in the men's section. I've never been promiscuous in my life, which is something I actually regret at this point. Then again, I am the inattentive type, and I had a very harshly moralistic Irish-C******* upbringing combined with certain romantic fantasies about how special certain things that never happened would have been. I was basically "holding out" for the longest time, but that girl in white never existed. I did not have the benefit of having hippie parents (mine were older traditionalists) or living in a liberal environment growing up. Anyways, I'm trying to be brave here (I'm sure I'll get criticised) by telling you that it's always really bothered me if I'm in a relationship with someone who tells me she was promiscuous. I'm not saying this to judge you personally, but as a warning for you to avoid the types of guys who would be bothered by your past because it can definitely be a deal-breaker, and ruin the relationship. You shouldn't have to be ashamed of these choices you made, but it's not going to matter to a certain kind of guy who has his heart set on a particular type of girl. Avoid these "Romantic Idealist" types at all costs, because they will make you feel bad about yourself. No matter how you think he may change his thinking, he most likely won't change the way he feels about it. No amount of preachiness or feminist outrage will fix the problem, he may just decide to hide his feelings, from which no good can come. I know because I did this to somebody. I can't say I regret it either, because eventually we split and that was a good thing, but I'm sure it wasn't pleasant for her or me. Personally if I could go back and live life over knowing what I know now, my choices might have been different, I'd probably be dead, but that's all p*** under the bridge now. But the Scotsman gave some good advice- when partying be sure to use CONDOMS at all times.

Last edited by dyingInside; 12-17-07 at 09:16 PM.. Reason: for compliance w/free speech restrictions
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  #33  
Old 02-14-08, 04:30 AM
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Re: ADHD and sexual promiscuity....

Hi.

Yeah I have to admit it's such a taboo not many of us talk about it.

I am a woman. And I love sex. There, I said it!
And it was really good from my first time at 18 and a half. I think because I could hyperfocus on it, how good it made my partner and I feel and so on. It's almost addictive... it's exercise, it feels good, it's fun....

I wonder if the ADD mind somehow processes those feelings/chemicals differently? I remember reading somewhere our level dopamine is different somehow and this is the chemical that is released during the act. Any thoughts?

I have gotten to the point where I will do my best to wait a while before having sex with a guy. Because when I get started I want it all the time!

So I am trying my best to hold off a lot in relationships. It's almost like there's so much of me I don't want to scare a guy off by bombarding him with all of it. There's so much that goes on in my mind (pretty much all good stuff too) that to get it all at once would be too intense. Does anyone else get what I'm saying?
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  #34  
Old 02-15-08, 12:59 AM
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Re: ADHD and sexual promiscuity....

Why are brilliant thinkers sometimes fooled into labeling themselves?
We are designed with pro-creation in mind. I think Add'rs are brilliant, self-guided people and perhaps the rest of society is creating this label of promiscuity. If you are feeling guilty, perhaps counsel yourself. Otherwise, come to terms with who you are in your sexuality. Most ADDrs I know are Impulsive, passionate, creative... all good things if you can grasp that. Coming to terms with your sexual nature in regards to the ' ADHD label ' shouldn't be a source of shame. AT all!
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  #35  
Old 02-15-08, 01:54 AM
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Re: ADHD and sexual promiscuity....

I think this is a really different viewpoint, but probably a good one in terms of practicality and applying it to ourselves. We are different. I guess it's in comparing myself to others or what they 'say' they do and is appropriate that I feel guilty sometimes.
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  #36  
Old 02-15-08, 04:32 PM
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Re: ADHD and sexual promiscuity....

I have to quote my newly found mantra since it applies:

" Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. "
Dr. Seuss
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  #37  
Old 02-15-08, 04:58 PM
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Re: ADHD and sexual promiscuity....

My apologies if this was already stated (I just couldn't manage to read the entire thread) but I thought that hypersexuality (and/or sex addiction) can be another form of self-medication. Something about the dopamine produced - don't quote me on that.

I don't enjoy sex or relations with another person particularly, but discovered the big "O" on my own about 8 years ago. Have been indulging almost daily since then. I feel guilty about it but cannot seem to stop. I'm still pretty depressed in general - and just can't stay away from those few moments of pleasure. Doesn't seem to have a lasting effect like a medication would - but I can get kinda cranky if I have to go a few days without.
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  #38  
Old 02-15-08, 06:06 PM
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Re: ADHD and sexual promiscuity....

i was the same way at your age im 23 now. i was so sexualy active i know it was because of my ow self esteem and my want for constant drama and excitment. i dont know how i got over it... i foundd a great guy i guess but i also know that my self esteem is much higher. i stil get random thoughts to leave my boyfriend and go meet a bunch of guys but i check those thoughts riht away.
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  #39  
Old 02-16-08, 08:45 PM
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Re: ADHD and sexual promiscuity....

I don't think being "promiscuous" is a bad thing unless you're doing it for the wrong reasons. I think having as much sex as you want is an extremely empowering thing, because you don't hide your sexuality like a lot of people have been taught to do.

That being said, I developed a "reputation" my first year of college and I was deeply ashamed of it. I realized that I WASN'T having sex for the right reasons - it was so that I could be viewed as "good" at something, because I felt like I wasn't good at anything else.

But recently I've found that I AM good at other things, and that sex doesn't have to be had with a bunch of different people for me to be sexually satisfied. I can control my impulses much better now that I've learned more about myself and what's wrong with me.

It's all about impulse control, and learning to be honest with yourself about WHY you're doing it. Some women just like having lots of sex (I mean who doesn't?!), and there are no emotional consequences for them. And that is awesome!!! If only we were all so lucky, hehe...
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  #40  
Old 02-17-08, 04:58 PM
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Re: ADHD and sexual promiscuity....

Katherine, I was the exact same way when I was your age. I didn't know why, and felt bad all the time, then there was the smoking and drinking, and so on. Sometimes I wondered how I came through it all safe and healthy.

Anyway, very recently, I was sent by my family Dr. to a specialist to be screened for ADHD. Apparrently, I have (and always had) problems with impulse control.

I am not using that as an excuse, but had I known that before, I might have been able to at least try to use some self- control.

That's my story. But ADD or not, we are who we are. It sucks that women are judged by a different standard than men in that area. But it doesn't make you a bad person, just if anything, be aware of your surroundings, don't put yourself in a potentially dangerous situation, (i.e. go off with a stranger without knowing or telling anyone where you are) and most of all SAFE SEX!
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  #41  
Old 03-06-08, 01:08 AM
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Re: ADHD and sexual promiscuity....

Could I tell some stories about this subject!! I had the same problem when I was I 19-26 when I didn't know about ADHD and I didn't know that I was worth something.
I believe it was caused by a few things, one was my dad was not there for me emotionally, I rarely saw him sober and when I did he was sleeping.The second was the guilt that was put on me due to the religious up bringing. My lack of self esteem, influenced by my ADHD and religious upbringing.

In my observations through the years, I have noticed that it often has something to do with the lack of a relationship with a father.. wanting to be loved by someone, to feel wanted. Of course this is not true for everyone who has experienced a promiscuous life style.
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  #42  
Old 03-18-08, 12:32 PM
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Re: ADHD and sexual promiscuity....

Quote:
Originally Posted by jacquline View Post
Could I tell some stories about this subject!! I had the same problem when I was I 19-26 when I didn't know about ADHD and I didn't know that I was worth something.
I believe it was caused by a few things, one was my dad was not there for me emotionally, I rarely saw him sober and when I did he was sleeping.The second was the guilt that was put on me due to the religious up bringing. My lack of self esteem, influenced by my ADHD and religious upbringing.

In my observations through the years, I have noticed that it often has something to do with the lack of a relationship with a father.. wanting to be loved by someone, to feel wanted. Of course this is not true for everyone who has experienced a promiscuous life style.
Reading your story is like looking at my life!! (except for the religious upbringing). I have recently joined this forum group as I suspect, quite strongly I have ADHD and am pushing for a referral to see a specialist with my GP.

Sexual promiscuity is something that has been a part of my entire adult life, I'm 26 and in 9 years of being sexually active I think I've slept with around 120 men! 95% of which are drunken one-night-stands. I totally agree with your point about the lack of a relationship with a father too. My parents broke up when I was 11 and have seen little of my father since.

Although there isn't a part of me that consciously thinks "if I sleep with this guy I will feel more loved" but I've no doubt there is some sub-conscious correlation between and absent father figure, a girls promiscuity - and furthermore the presence of ADHD.
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Old 03-18-08, 01:53 PM
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Re: ADHD and sexual promiscuity....

Quote:
Originally Posted by aloha1983 View Post
It's almost addictive... it's exercise, it feels good, it's fun....
I wonder if the ADD mind somehow processes those feelings/chemicals differently? I remember reading somewhere our level dopamine is different somehow and this is the chemical that is released during the act. Any thoughts?
Dopamine is only part of the neurotransmitter cocktail that I find addictive. "No Stones: Women redeemed...." by Marnee Ferree has the most detailed explanation I've read so far. Some days I would give anything to lower my libido. It's now pollen season and I think that compounds the problem.
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  #44  
Old 04-01-08, 09:25 PM
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Re: ADHD and sexual promiscuity....

Yeah its true that ADHD make things worse. Hope fora good husband. Consult good doctor for meds. Ijust want to share few things to u, this may be helpful to u. The ADHD/C group had higher sex drive and early dating experience compared to the control group where as the ADHD/IA had a consistent pattern of passivity and inexperience and was perceived relatively negatively by female confederates. This is interesting because studies of ADHD adults found: ADHD adults started having sex a year earlier; about a third dropped out of high school, compared with none of the control group; 1 out of 3 had become parents by their early 20s vs. 1 in 25 of the controls. (ADHD Problems Continue Into Adulthood). The two studies suggest that the ‘cool’ kids in school, those that rebel, adopt high risk behaviour (drug taking etc) and become sexually active earlier, are ADHDers with the combined type. Whereas the geeky kids who are seen negatively by their peers and are late developers are more likely to be inattentive type.
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  #45  
Old 04-01-08, 10:52 PM
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Re: ADHD and sexual promiscuity....

What was I then? A freakin idiot.
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