he wont leave me alone!!!!

[Crazygirl79]

I agree totally.

If Cappie feels she has to hide the fact she's on these types of forums then there is a huge problem within this relationship which leads me to think she'd be better off leaving his sorry butt..lets face who wants to live their life hiding the fact that they use support forums like this one and being with someone whose unsupportive and seemingly unwilling to educate himself??

This relationship will only go downhill while it's going like this.

Selena

[ADHDTigger]

Originally Posted by Crazygirl79

Why would anyone stay with some partner who doesn't believe in ADD or support them???? without this type of support for a life long condition the relationship will eventually crumble because the ADD will bother the non ADDer and the lack of support will eventually harm the ADDer, so only two things can happen either the partner gets off his backside and educates himself on ADD and accepts that Cappie has it or the relationship can go along the way it and crumble big time.

By that logic, I should have left my partner some time ago. Except that change does happen. In my case, it took a lot of help and quite a lot of dedication on both our parts. Even at that, it is never perfect.

Applying the same logic, I should have left him the minute that his cancer became significant in our lives. It isn't like I have been thrilled to accept it and there are many times- like when his endless appointments cut into actually LIVING whatever time we have left, that I can get pretty non-accepting. The only possible positive is that there are some limits to what time is left. The relationship won't likely have an opportunity to crumble before it ends for other reasons.

Originally Posted by Crazygirl79

I see no use in being with someone who doesn't support you or doesn't believe in the existence of ADD/ADHD unless they are willing to at least listen to their partner and perhaps educate themselves on the subject otherwise it couldn't possibly last with that type of ignorance and you would have to question if Cappie's partner cared about her he would at least listen to her and her doctors and try to open his mind and eyes to the fact that ADD does in fact exist and from the small amount she's posted on here he doesn't seem to give a damn at all and why should she waste her time with someone like that??? another too is that the ADD doesn't just affect her life but his as well since he's involved with her and it will eventually wreck this relationship if he doesn't pull his finger out and start being a little more helpful and support and wise up to the facts.

Fear can cause all kinds of different reactions in people. While I agree that the guy is being a pimple, I can also understand being so fearful about ADHD in general that being an @ss is the only way he knows how to cope. The fact is that we don't have any real way to understand the relationship dynamics based on infrequent posting here.

Originally Posted by Crazygirl79

Let's face the only people that truly know whats going on in their relationship is Cappie and her partner and we are only going on hearsay (I'm not at all implying that Cappie is making any of this up!) and it's very easy to judge and give opinions and advice and that's all everyone whose posted on this thread was doing.

Selena

On that point, I completely agree.

[Crazygirl79]

I think people can change their attitudes too and yes some people have very poor coping skills eg: Cappie's partner being an @ss etc and I also know that it takes hard work and dedication to make a relationship work and gain understanding when one is a little on the different side etc and I'm happy for those who make it.

However I do struggle with the part where Cappie says that she has to hide the fact she uses these forums, that in itself is a very big communication issue! Nobody in a supposedly good relationship should have to do that at all.

Let's all hope that Cappie's partner does change his attitude and at least makes the effort to educate himself and accept the fact that she is a little on the different side no that there's anything wrong with that and if he does that then the relationship would ideally go from strength to strength otherwise if it continues the way it is at the moment then she would seriously have to consider leaving him and moving on with her life without him...Most people want good quality relationships.

Selena

[meadd823]

However I do struggle with the part where Cappie says that she has to hide the fact she uses these forums, that in itself is a very big communication issue! Nobody in a supposedly good relationship should have to do that at all.

That would depend upon the other person's past experience with on-line behavior.

When I first started coming here Gary did not understand because the only on-line experience he had before we got together was dating sites so he based his opinions on that not realizing that one can receive non-sexual support this way. In time he became used to me coming here.

He was uneasy with myspace and facebook accounts at first also until he found out I was communicating with such dangerous individuals as his son,nieces and sister now he uses my account as much as I do - don't ask me why he won't open his own - but with some time I am hoping he will become comfortable enough with social networks to do so. We are older and the times have changed faster that we can comfortably adjust so we have to give each other that adjustment time.

We each react according to our own experiences as do our partners. I had not been real comfortable getting on web sites dealing with my spiritual beliefs and some of it is Gary but some of it is my own lack of security in this area. The same basic idea would hold true to the newly diagnosed ADDer Some of the insecurity is the OPs - I am big on taking my time and giving my partner and myself time to adjust before chucking the baby out with the bath water.

Please do note when it comes to abuse then yes leaving is prudent but not accepting ADD is hardly abuse any more than not believing in the same spiritual practices. Our partners can not be the end all and be all of our emotional support over the long haul because the burden becomes to great. There are some things like my ADD in which I have to seek support outside of the relationship the same holds true with my spiritual beliefs I will always have to go else where for support there and it isn't because Gary is a jerk it is because he is human with limitations in what he can do.