About to apply for disability :( I can't believe its come to this..

[Regina Terrae]

Congratulations! Were you approved on your first application, or was this an appeal?

[movingshadow]

Originally Posted by Regina Terrae

Congratulations! Were you approved on your first application, or was this an appeal?

No it was the first time.

[Maurice]

Congratulations there movingshadow. Going by your timeline anyone else who signs up for S.S benefits tomorrow can hold there breath until July of 2010 will get their first check.

[Regina Terrae]

That's encouraging.... Not to compare me with you, just because you got approved doesn't mean I will ... but it would be such a relief if I did!

I totally understand about it being humbling, though. Even though I feel I definitely need the support, no one around me has validated that need. Not my psychiatrist, not my mother, not my boyfriend. If the SSA does judge me to be disabled enough to not be able to support myself, it will be validating but seriously humbling at the same time. Validation that I really AM a mess.

[Barliman]

Applying for disability can be a good thing.
We become overburdened because of our sensitivity.
Look upon it as time for a little emotional housekeping.
It can be too hard dealing with real pain if you are going full speed ahead at work all the time.

I have cut back my working hours lately- and it has given me the space to put my feelings in perspective and fit all my contradictory emotions into a healthier spiritual overview.

There will be a real payoff for all of us in my taking a little breathing space.

[movingshadow]

Originally Posted by Regina Terrae

That's encouraging.... Not to compare me with you, just because you got approved doesn't mean I will ... but it would be such a relief if I did!

I totally understand about it being humbling, though. Even though I feel I definitely need the support, no one around me has validated that need. Not my psychiatrist, not my mother, not my boyfriend. If the SSA does judge me to be disabled enough to not be able to support myself, it will be validating but seriously humbling at the same time. Validation that I really AM a mess.

Well in emphasized some main points in my request for the disability.
Although I did get an award lettter..-I have not gotten my first check yet, so I will not be totally relaxed until I do but this is what I did. It is supposed to come on the 10th of November.

I showed them a record of my not being able to keep a job for a while. Including reasons as to why I had issues at these jobs.

I spoke to a social worker - who they probably contacted for information. He was someone I went to see about trying to understand my social anxiety and ADD. This was not a psychiatrist - though I did bring in documents from doctors all the way from when I was 7 years old first diagnosed with ADD. They were not very extensive documents, but they did list a diagnosis or some other information about how they found me to react to their treatment.

I have issues with money, hanging on to it - managing it etc. I told them that. I explained that I need to gather myself so that I can figure out how to re-fit into society again and get proper treatment. They knew how much I paid for rent, told them i had $7.00 in the bank. All that stuff.
They want to know everything.

They know I can drive a car and transport myself from one place to another - so if they find me doing that they can't bust me on it.

I don't know what to think about this. I am glad I got it.. - but I am also confused that my life has to take this turn and I have to figure out how to live in a totally different way than I have. Similar to the last two years I have without a job. That means sitting around a lot. But I think/hope it will be different since I will not have to worry what I am going to eat every damn day. Like right now I am waiting for a check from my last summer job to get me by until that disability check comes on November 10th. Yes my god I was so looking out for a DENIED and then to have to go through a legal adviser and that whole big mess. I have no idea how I would have gotten through all of that if they did deny it.

There is more to this though - to me rather. I have been doing research and I KNOW I have Asperger's and I know I have some Autism. The ride I've been on through life probably would not have been so bumpy up to now if I had known those things when I was little. I have not been officially diagnosed with it - but I know I am. And I would bet my life on it I'll get a diagnosis at some point for it. This means that my social life is nothing. It has always been - nothing starting when I was about 12 or 14 years old. This is what I want to work on - this is what I want to improve. More than money I need to learn to make friends and recognize social que's or something like that - communicate better.

What I don't like is that when I meet a girl I like and she says " what do you do " - I have to .. what? Lie? I guess it is better than not having a job - but god. So that is another issue in itself. I did not submit my app for disability until may of 2008 by the way.

[almost there]

Hope you had some success. After having my own business for 30 years, I've had a succession of 2-year stints in povertyland. Gotta keep trying - all us misfits should network like hell...

[Retromancer]

You could describe yourself as being "prematurely retired". Who knows you just might meet a woman who envies your freedom...

Originally Posted by movingshadow

What I don't like is that when I meet a girl I like and she says " what do you do " - I have to .. what? Lie? I guess it is better than not having a job - but god. So that is another issue in itself.

[movingshadow]

Originally Posted by Retromancer

You could describe yourself as being "prematurely retired". Who knows you just might meet a woman who envies your freedom...

yeah sure try finding a quality woman that would go for that!

[Barliman]

Originally Posted by movingshadow

yeah sure try finding a quality woman that would go for that!

The real quality ones will see you for what you are.

[Crazygirl79]

If a so called "quality" woman judges you for not having a job or having a neurological condition then she isn't much of a person to start with and she really isn't worth your time or effort and that would be her loss and someone elses gain!

Speaking from a woman's point of view, every woman has their own idea of what a winner is and what a loser is in life and no two are the same. For every woman that considers you to be a loser there will be one who'll consider you an absolute winner and a great catch and it won't be because of your employment or social status but more because you appeal to her in some other way and therefore whether or not you have a job would be irrelevant.

I'm temporarily unemployed until late November as I'm waiting for a work transfer but there have been times where I've been unemployed for a year or two at a time an I often wondered what man would go for someone like that but again it seems that women don't have too much of a hard time with getting partners despite lack of employment but as a man I could only imagine that it may be harder as society expects the man to be the strong one and the one to bring in the money etc which is stupid really and thank god times are changing in this respect!

Now back on the subject, A real "quality" woman as you put it wouldn't give a sh*t about whether you have a job or not, jobs, social status and money aren't everything, it's whats in the inside and what you have upstairs that counts.

Selena

[Song of Mercy]

Hey Movingshadow, I was approved for disability in 2004 I think. It has been weird for me since then. My last job I was on for three years and was very successful financially speaking. I thought that I was going somewhere finally in my life...then stuff hit the fan and I could not work anymore. Long story...who cares anymore...the point I want to share is that I have gone through 1. Relief at having money to live on. 2. shear boredom 3. feelings of incredible inadequacy for not working 4. doubts as to whether I deserved disability 5.banging my head against the wall trying to work...and failing miserably 6. giving up 7. finding some peace with myself and a bit of plain old gratitude that I live in a country that has mechanisms in place for people in my situations.

People dont realize what an incredible rollercoaster of emotions comes with being stamped "unable to provide for ones self...or disabled." I really encourage you to have a councelor or a social worker to help you through all this stuff. I can feel it in your post that you are down on yourself.

As to getting a "good woman"... Do you like yourself right now? Do you believe in yourself on any level right now? Are you comfortable with you at this time? If you cannot say yes to these issues then it is going to be hard for another person to see the good that is within you. Give yourself a chance to heal up from the blow of being lucky enough to get disablitly. And it really is true, a good person, the right person for you will accept you without finding one ounce of fault for your income source.

Warm wishes,

Song

[movingshadow]

I would like to hear your long story or any version of it as to why you cant work. Have you been on disability since 2004?

I wont feel inadequate because I know that society just doesn't understand my 'disability'. That all that I think I can really tell myself.

It sounds like all the thing you said you have experienced after being on disability are all horrible. Yeah I am worried now that I will be bored or that I will be any of those things that you mentioned. I do have a social worker that I could talk to. Basically I go to him I walk out I have some better self esteem for about a week - then it wares off.

That is the long and short of it but I am also interested in all the other things that I may be able to qualify for for being on this.

Do I feel comfortable with myself? No - the main reason is that I have a lack of experience socially - I don't know how to talk to girls or ask them out or anything like that. Secondly I have issues that I need to take care of that are costly. I am not happy with the way my teeth are. They are fine but I have cavities I can't pay for - I don't know HOW im going to pay for. I want these things taken care of before I can try to feel confident about meeting anyone. Are there any special options for dental coverage for people on disability?

Yes it is nice to know that we have a country that can help us out in situations like this - but we are still one of the worst countries for this I think. The way that our country works everything revolves around how good you look and how much money you have - how could I compete in any way if I cant even take care of my teeth. And dental work is SOO expensive. I might go to costa rica to have stuff done.

This is one of the things that I have wanted to have fixed all my life. I look on tv and see all those people with such beautiful white teeth and I hate it that I cant have that cause I cant keep denal coverage going.

Originally Posted by Song of Mercy

Hey Movingshadow, I was approved for disability in 2004 I think. It has been weird for me since then. My last job I was on for three years and was very successful financially speaking. I thought that I was going somewhere finally in my life...then stuff hit the fan and I could not work anymore. Long story...who cares anymore...the point I want to share is that I have gone through 1. Relief at having money to live on. 2. shear boredom 3. feelings of incredible inadequacy for not working 4. doubts as to whether I deserved disability 5.banging my head against the wall trying to work...and failing miserably 6. giving up 7. finding some peace with myself and a bit of plain old gratitude that I live in a country that has mechanisms in place for people in my situations.

People dont realize what an incredible rollercoaster of emotions comes with being stamped "unable to provide for ones self...or disabled." I really encourage you to have a councelor or a social worker to help you through all this stuff. I can feel it in your post that you are down on yourself.

As to getting a "good woman"... Do you like yourself right now? Do you believe in yourself on any level right now? Are you comfortable with you at this time? If you cannot say yes to these issues then it is going to be hard for another person to see the good that is within you. Give yourself a chance to heal up from the blow of being lucky enough to get disablitly. And it really is true, a good person, the right person for you will accept you without finding one ounce of fault for your income source.

Warm wishes,

Song

[Retromancer]

Sorry but simply keeping your teeth is going to be a struggle, forget about keeping them photogenically white...

[movingshadow]

I am curious to know if anyone agrees with this statement.

I am not good at getting out to meet people and so I hang out on a lot of free singles sites and when I chat with a girl - the at some point say "what do you do" - and I say.. ? eh.. but i don't know maybe its easier in person somehow.

But the reason I really wanna know if anyone else agrees with you.
Because based on what I have come across - I'd say 95 percent of the woman out there will slowly if not instantly blow you off if they realize your unemployed - and sometimes I think they just all immediately judge you as a waste of their time at that point.

Originally Posted by Crazygirl79

If a so called "quality" woman judges you for not having a job or having a neurological condition then she isn't much of a person to start with and she really isn't worth your time or effort and that would be her loss and someone elses gain!

Speaking from a woman's point of view, every woman has their own idea of what a winner is and what a loser is in life and no two are the same. For every woman that considers you to be a loser there will be one who'll consider you an absolute winner and a great catch and it won't be because of your employment or social status but more because you appeal to her in some other way and therefore whether or not you have a job would be irrelevant.

I'm temporarily unemployed until late November as I'm waiting for a work transfer but there have been times where I've been unemployed for a year or two at a time an I often wondered what man would go for someone like that but again it seems that women don't have too much of a hard time with getting partners despite lack of employment but as a man I could only imagine that it may be harder as society expects the man to be the strong one and the one to bring in the money etc which is stupid really and thank god times are changing in this respect!

Now back on the subject, A real "quality" woman as you put it wouldn't give a sh*t about whether you have a job or not, jobs, social status and money aren't everything, it's whats in the inside and what you have upstairs that counts.

Selena