My EXPLODING mouth! or Cussing and Cursing!

[wsmac]

Tonight I had my girlfriend over to the house so we could sign up for our work benefits together.
Our hospital holds an, "open registration" for the benefits or for changes by those who are already signed on.

Anyway, next year this company is going totally online with our benefits and everyone has to go online, check their current package, and make any changes if necessary.

Trouble is... the contractor they use for the online registration has the most crappy website I've seen in a long time for something like this.

With her on her Windows laptop, and me on my MacBook, it took us a good couple of hours to finally wade through everything... each of us calling IT for our own unique issues, both of us having to quit the browser we started using and go to a different one (she started with Firefox, changed to IE, I started on Camino and kept getting booted off, went to Safari and had error messages popping up, then the IT guy suggested I try using... FIREFOX!.. it actually worked for me! )

Anyway... the more frustrated I got... the more I cursed. I cursed the website... the idiots who would design a website then put on a disclaimer that you should only use IE (you know.. it is almost 2010! And there's what?... a dozen web browsers available out there? )... the idiots in our health system who continuously make poor choices concerning computers and the hospitals in the system..........

Anyway... my girlfriend was getting a bit ****ed and tired dealing with her own issues and I know my outbursts weren't helping either.

To top it off.... I had totally forgotten that I agreed to work half a shift for someone tonight in the lab and I got a phone call around 7:34pm asking if I was planning on going into work! I was ****ed at my own self now!

It's not the first time I've forgotten an odd shift like this, but on top of everything else, I was just really p*ssed!

All I do, pretty much, is curse out loud. I used to punch doors, walls, smash my own stuff... I just never turned it against another person.

But still... I'm a big guy with a big voice, and when I'm getting angry and cursing, it scares and/or worries other people.

Her previous marriage was definitely rocky and she even said tonight that it sorta reminded her of her ex-husband.
We've been together over 6 months, and she's worked around me at the hospital for something like 4 years.

I don't know... sometimes I feel like I just need to learn to live alone.
At least I don't unleash the old temper tantrums like I used to.
When I'm alone I may still throw something around the house, but I don't bust things (or my own self... i.e. broken bones in my hands and feet) up anymore.

I've worked on this stuff before with probably every therapist I've ever seen.
I'm just not sure how much more I can tone it down.
I'm thinking of going to a 'retreat' called something like, Vispana.
I've got it bookmarked on my computer at home.
A friend of mine recommended it. He has been going for years.

Some days I feel like I'm getting less-and-less tolerant of other people too.

I'm finding myself irritated more-and-more with people's attitudes and actions.
I posted some of this in the thread titled, "Punching People in the Face" (or whatever it's called ).

If you want to give advice... that's fine.
If you want to share your own experience... that's fine also.
If you want to exit this thread without making any comment whatsoever...

YOU'VE JUST P*I*S*S*E*D ME OFF!

J/K.. really!

Oh.. and by the way... even though I'm at work now... I've calmed down just fine.

[ADHDTigger]

(((hugs)))

After way too many years in IT, I can only say that I feel your pain because I know your pain. Grrr.

As far as the cursing and cussing, I have done my fair share (and was married to a sailor for ten years- I can probably teach you new words) and therefore can only say that venting is good for the soul- especially when dealing with poorly written code that did not take interoperability into account before deployment!

[wsmac]

We went out tonight with my daughter to see a puppet version of The Hobbit.. put on by a theater group from Montreal.

Dinner, Theater, Dessert.

Everyone had a good time!

I feel better

I was actually nice to the IT person last night because the issues I was having had nothing to do with them. He gave me the best working answer immediately.

[sortawicked]

Im a cusser too. I try not to be in public places but if Im at home and I get ticked off I can make a sailor blush LOL

My husband is from Belgium and he speaks perfect english-- no trace of an accent even-- but when he gets mad about something and he cusses it cracks me up because he puts together curses in the strangest way! Also he cussed in dutch and that always cracks me up too, somehow my laughing usually makes him less upset and he'll start laughing too and tell me to shut the f*** up LOL

On a more serious note, at least you are aware that there is an issue and you want to work on it and it sounds like you have made some strides toward some anger managment since you dont break your bones anymore.I hope that you find a way to get it even more under control so that you dont feel like you have to learn to live alone.

good luck to you with this.

[mADD mike]

Originally Posted by wsmac

Anyway... the more frustrated I got... the more I cursed.

Anyway... my girlfriend was getting a bit ****ed and tired dealing with her own issues and I know my outbursts weren't helping either.

All I do, pretty much, is curse out loud. I used to punch doors, walls, smash my own stuff... I just never turned it against another person.

But still... I'm a big guy with a big voice, and when I'm getting angry and cursing, it scares and/or worries other people.

Her previous marriage was definitely rocky and she even said tonight that it sorta reminded her of her ex-husband.

I don't know... sometimes I feel like I just need to learn to live alone.
At least I don't unleash the old temper tantrums like I used to.
When I'm alone I may still throw something around the house, but I don't bust things (or my own self... i.e. broken bones in my hands and feet) up anymore.

Some days I feel like I'm getting less-and-less tolerant of other people too.

I'm finding myself irritated more-and-more with people's attitudes and actions.
I posted some of this in the thread titled, "Punching People in the Face" (or whatever it's called ).

Wow, I cut your post down to the above because I can identify pretty much word for word with everything you have written. Frustration = Cussing

I've broken my hand as well, punching a refrigerator. The refrigerator won. At least I won't be punching anything anymore, because I don't think my hand every truly healed from the first time. It is a constant reminder, especially on cold or rainy days where it aches.

Cussing, for me, has a direct correlation to my happiness and frustration levels. My wife remarked today at how I haven't cussed as much lately, well, the past few days anyway. Why could that be? Well, I've gotten more sleep, which makes me feel better and lessens my irritability. Also, I've tried very hard to take things as they come, rather than forcing them in life.

However, the reality is that I can only focus on such happiness for so long. Eventually I fall back into my baseline pattern of lacking sleep, trying to push life against the grain of my disorders and such, etc. Then frustration sets in, and cussing starts. I hate it.

I also get frustrated with idiots in everyday life, and find myself much less tolerable of their idiocy. On the road, in line, when they sit next to me at an empty restaurant where they had a million seats to choose from, when they forget part of my order, when they treat me like crap because I'm a lowly house cleaner in their home, etc.

My wife is a sweet, sweet person, and she grew up with an abusive father. I HATE that my outbursts might make her feel that vulnerability, even though they aren't directed at her. It makes her uncomfortable, and I've cried over it silently before. But I can't stop, at least not all of the time.

It is as though the frustration builds up an impulsive need internally to address the situation that cannot actually be addressed because not everything is in our control, and it builds and builds and builds until I explode, as I can't seem to let things go at times. Ahhhhhhhhhh!

You.....are.........not............alone, not by a long shot. I feel for everyone here that has this problem. I am a religious person and I go out and talk about God with that same mouth that utters such profane speech, and it hurts me to think of that, but some things are out of our control. A scripture says that out of the hearts abundance, the mouth speaks. Unfortunately, I happen to have a heart that has been hurt A LOT in life, the fights so hard to be a good person despite my disorders and imperfections, and that itself results in frustration. Thus, the mouth speaks, unfortunately, at times, language that isn't exactly befitting one professing to reverence God.

In the end, we can all do the best we can do, and that's all anyone can ask. Nobody is able to perfectly bridle the tongue, because we aren't perfect.

Mike

[XavierQ]

I can be verbally very aggressive. I cuss and swear too much. I try to keep my outbursts at home. Some (actually many) of my classmates, however, are dumb idiots. It's extremely hard for me to bite my tongue, especially some of them look down on me and think they're so much smarter than me. Although it's extremely tiring, I still manage to do it.

Someday however, I'll slip up again. Although I try to prevent it at all costs because I know I'll blow up many bridges, I kinda look forward to that moment as well. The sensation of release I'll feel will be, without a doubt, ecstatic. Those morons all teary eyed, what a sight that will be.

[dololly]

I curse alot too. I curse at work, at home, etc.. I know that if you curse at work, that there is a possibility that I will get in trouble..but at the time, I really do not think about it. I have got to stop..but i just haven't been able to.