School says its his attitude

[vhastings]

My son has been ADHD diagnosed since he was 5. He is currently 11 and is on Concerta 54 mg. He is now in the 5th grade and is having some trouble with school. I have been in contact with his main teacher and she made some modifications that have helped. His Social Studies teacher however, thinks that my son just does not want to do the work and has an attitude problem. I wrote a letter to the principal asking for a 504. They had a meeting, I was unable to attend, and the end result was that my son was lazy and just does not want to do the work. They said he needs anger management treatment too because he gets mad when his teachers single him out. They also would like him to be on a higher dosage of his medication. What as a parent can I do? My son has B and C grades in every subject but Social Studies. He has an F in that class. Is it just a case of a "bad" teacher?

[ginniebean]

I can't say about the teacher but my guess is your child feels disliked. I would do a bit more talking with that teacher and see if you can 'read' the situation. If a child feels disliked they can't motivate themselves. It's a recipe for disaster.

[FrazzleDazzle]

Welcome to the forums, Vhastings!

The part that strikes me about this is, what other degrees do these teachers have entitling them to 1)recommend he be on a higher dose of his meds, 2) to diagnose and suggest psychological treatment for anger management, and 3) to diagnose him as lazy at the end of that meeting? As you describe this, it sounds that these teachers are out of line.

We as parents are our kid's best, and sometimes only advocates. Read up all you can about Wright's law, and your child's rights to accommodations for disability, such as a 504 or an IEP. As for his one failing class, perhaps you can arrange a tutor for him, or switch him to another teacher? Having ADHD is a frustrating-enough of a problem, then to have the teachers single him out, sometimes it's easier to just give up. Just support him all you can.

[vhastings]

FrazzleDazzle-
I would LOVE to change teachers but as the principal told me in the 2nd grade, "He does not believe in transfering students". And It really ****es me off that they even WANT my child on meds let alone a higher dose. That is my and his doctors decision. Not theirs. We do our best to make sure that our son brings home all his homework every day, that he studies as much as he can, etc. Maybe he just does not like social studies? Will follow up on the tutor idea. Maybe that would help. Thanks!
ginniebean-
My son does feel disliked. He has problems with some students in his class that make fun of him all day long even though the teachers say that they have never caught them. They bully him on the bus before and after school and have even been told by the principal that they can be expelled for the things they are saying but it does not stop. His Social Studies teacher pulled him aside and told my son that he is lazy and is using his ADHD as an exucse to not do his school work. Yet, he has never brought up his ADHD to anyone. He actually does his best to "hide" it from the other kids. he does not like to be singled out. He has plenty of friends outside of the classroom so he does not seem to have a social problem.
ARGH!

[Sandy4957]

I was very sensitive to teachers, in that I did well when they were good, and not so well when they weren't. Well, ok, at least I thought that they weren't good.

There was this particularly annoying teacher in high school. He taught English and OMG was he boring! He gave spelling tests... in high school for crying out loud. Anyway, I did what I always did when I was bored. I talked. He wrote me up. Constantly. I got detentions for talking in class. I forgot about the detentions and went to track practice. Then I got Saturday detentions.

So eventually the school starts to threaten to kick me off student counsel. My mother blows a gasket. She has to be physically removed from the principal's office. (Personality disorder? What personality disorder?) Honestly. The principal was a neighbor, a family friend, and a Vietnam veteran, but he was cowed by my mother.

Anyway, my mother gave me a bit of advice that has served me in all sorts of areas ever since. She said, "For C****'s sake, Sandy... Win the man over!" By the end of the semester, the teacher had made me a music box. Seriously. In addition to being boring, he was also weird.

All this is to say, can you make it a game for your son to figure out what makes this teacher tick and how to get the best grade out of him? He doesn't have to like the teacher. He just needs a reason to get the best grade that he can out of the class, and the challenge might be enough.

It's also likely that a single poor grade will not mean a lot in the end, particularly if he's done well in that subject with other teachers.

[vhastings]

Thanks Sandy4957
I will try that teacher trick. Maybe it will help!

[MGDAD]

The bullying should not be tolerated ever. I would write a letter to the school every time your son tells you that he is bullied.

There is a book titled something like "So im not lazy and stupid?". ADHD kids are often accused of being lazy and unmotivated. Those are symptoms of ADHD. However, the kids are not lazy and stupid, it is just that their brains work a little different that makes it hard for them to stay on task. You might want to buy that book and hand it to the teacher that claims your son is lazy.

Good luck with everything.

[Vickie]

You might also look through the wrightslaw site ( http://www.wrightslaw.com/ )for information on your child's rights and make sure the school followed the law for the 504 determination. You may need an advocate as well.

My youngest had a couple bad teachers (4th and 5th grades) but the principal and special ed teacher made the classroom teachers cooperate because the school could be liable for not following the law.

[ginniebean]

Originally Posted by vhastings

FrazzleDazzle-
I would LOVE to change teachers but as the principal told me in the 2nd grade, "He does not believe in transfering students". And It really ****es me off that they even WANT my child on meds let alone a higher dose. That is my and his doctors decision. Not theirs. We do our best to make sure that our son brings home all his homework every day, that he studies as much as he can, etc. Maybe he just does not like social studies? Will follow up on the tutor idea. Maybe that would help. Thanks!

There are some excellent resources on the web to help you help your child deal with bullying. Bullying is a very difficult problem for children as often the well used solutions don't work.
http://www.dontfeedthebully.com/DealingwithBullies.html

This site gives tips on teaching your child.


The teacher telling your child, one who has a recognized LD disturbs me. I found this and perhaps it will help you a bit I don't know.

http://www.addchoices.com/lazy_____.htm


It may be a bit too soon to make a decision to transfer your son out of her classroom. I was in a rush when I first posted and I'd be asking them where they got their medical degree deciding his meds need to be upped.

The sad fact is that often teachers maintain a prejudice even in the face of knowledge. Up to 45% of teachers in one poll of teachers admitted to bullying a student. Calling your son lazy probably doesn't qualify as bullying, calling a child with an LD lazy and is using his ADHD as an excuse seems callous and stupid (imo). This has to be addressed.

My son does feel disliked. He has problems with some students in his class that make fun of him all day long even though the teachers say that they have never caught them. They bully him on the bus before and after school and have even been told by the principal that they can be expelled for the things they are saying but it does not stop. His Social Studies teacher pulled him aside and told my son that he is lazy and is using his ADHD as an exucse to not do his school work. Yet, he has never brought up his ADHD to anyone. He actually does his best to "hide" it from the other kids. he does not like to be singled out. He has plenty of friends outside of the classroom so he does not seem to have a social problem.
ARGH!

Bullying can harm your child and leave scars that last a very long time. Unfortunately it's not always taken seriously. If my home has been broken into and I call the police, they don't say "well I didn't see it so it doesn't happen, they investigate. I'd expect the same from the teachers.

Hope that helps.

[vhastings]

Thanks everyone for the advice!!

[7yrsapart]

I agree with Frazzel....teachers are allowed to dignose and prescribe medication dosage?? From what I have learned in the state where I live, that they CAN NOT give me any kind of advice like that...only suggest that maybe the medication isn't working...and alot of times teachers do not want to help kids that are ADD..which is sad...If he has B's and C's except SS and the principal doesn't want to change his teacher, that is just sad....Sandy gave some good advice also...there are avenues for you...and me...