new with a few questions

[musicpainter]

I'm looking for insight and advice on a few things so please if you have any of either, no matter how important you may think it is, or relevant, honestly, anything is better than nothing.

I was diagnosed with ADD a few weeks ago, Strattera made me sick so got switched to 20mg of Adderall XR (and also have some 10mg Adderall IR for "breakthrough symptoms"). I started it yesterday and was happy with it's effect. But have some questions. A warning, this post is long and sorta heavy, so if you don't want to read the history (no judgement there, it's long) just skip towards the bottom where my questions are.

First, a little history. I was in a car accident when I was 17 (am now 23). It left me with some chronic pain (which has since been pretty much fixed which is amazing after 5 years of horrible daily pain). About 2 years ago a doctor put me on some opiates for the pain (I switched between Percocet, oxycodone, Norco, and vicodin over a period of a year and a half). When one would "stop" working because I developed a tolerance to it from abusing it, I would get a different one (from the list above). Through my binge use of these medicines, I would go through 30 or so pills in about 3 days which is so bad.

Because of this, I developed some anxiety problems (which I later learned happens when you come off high doses of opaites...wish I knew that at the time!). Then I was given various benzodiazepines (Klonipine, Lorazepam, and Xanax) which lead to a bad addiction and abuse problem of my opiates and benzos. During this time I had really bad insomnia where I would only sleep about 2-4 nights a week. It was awful but then was given prescription sleep medicines (I tried all of the main ones and had weird side effects). They caused me to do things in my sleep. I ate and drank in my sleep. I texted people in my sleep. And, one time, I went to the store in my sleep (I still, to this day, don't know whether I walked or drove. I hope very much that I walked). It was no good. But I was hooked. I would sleep for days and it was a nice relief from the insomnia.

I stopped going to school, I stopped going out. I just stayed in getting high. I used the system to satisfy my need and desire to stay in a euphoric and rosy state. I did have genuine pain that through many years and numerous procedures and surgery seems to finally come to an end which I couldn't be more thankful for! But I know I'm one of those people that makes it harder for those really in need to get the help they need. I was in that weird limbo land where I was in both worlds. I needed the medicines to stop the pain, but I also needed the medicines to function. It was bad.

February of this year, I apparently made a decision that I had had enough of it all. I honestly, to this day, still have no memory of that entire week. I guess I called my parents and told them I had a problem and wanted help (no memory of that). Drove a few hours home from school (no memory of that either which is so scary). And decided during that week (again, no memory of the entire week) that I was going to drop out of school and seek treatment. I can honestly say, that was the best decision I have ever made. I don't know if I will ever know what caused it but I am thankful for whatever happened either externally or internally that made me make the decision I did. Because I can say with about 99% certainty that I probably wouldn't be sitting here today if I hadn't made that one phone call.

I hit rock bottom. I know that "rock bottom" is very different for everybody. But mine would have to have been when I had to move home and admit to my family I was an addict. They learned my secret, the found out I smoked cigarettes (not a big deal in comparison, but from family history with cigarettes, I should know better). I thought worst part was having my parents watch me as I took numerous Norco a day and around 5-7 Xanax during that first week before I got help. Because if I had stopped on my own, I may have had a seizure. I soon learned, the worst part was still to come. The absolute lowest I felt and my true rock bottom was having my parents and sister drop me off at detox. Seeing the look on their faces. And then another worst was receiving a call from my older sister and younger brother while I was in detox. That was awful.

But, I spent my 3-4 days in detox sick as a dog but safely coming off Xanax. Then got myself into a rehab clinic as an outpatient participant for 3-4 months.

I am 9 1/2 months clean today. It has been the hardest 9 1/2 months of my life but I am glad. I learned all about how to stop my use of opiates and what to do if I ever need them in the future (which came in handy when I had my hopefully final wrist surgery 3 months ago). But I know nothing about the world of stimulants.

Stimulants were never my thing. I didn't have access to them and they didn't appeal to me. I was an opiate lover and preferred the euphoric lightness they provided me as an escape from everything else. I know what to do in the case of relapse with opiates and what to do. I know what to look for as far as signs of a relapse coming. I have experienced it and know what behaviors I exhibited and feel confident, I could spot them in time to hopefully stop from going back (however naive this may be, I still remain confident).

So, my questions:

1. I just started Adderall yesterday and while I know it's still new to my body, I can see the difference from opiates (that may sound really stupid in that the differences are obvious but I've never had a stimulant before so honestly didn't know what to expect or what to feel). And from what I have now experienced I feel that since the two types of "drugs" are so different I have a lower potential of abuse? Again, this may seem naive, but I feel like given the choice, I'd choose a downer over an upper. So, do you think that given the significance difference between the two, the chance of my abusing my Adderall is lowered?
(I should note here that I do know the risks of stimulant abuse, I did talk to my doctor about that because she knows my history with drug abuse. And I know how easily abuse and addiction can happen. I know the risks are there for everyone but I just want to know if you guys think because of the vast difference it lowers the chance?)

2. What signs should I look for in myself that could signal a developing problem in potential abuse with my Adderall? (Besides the obvious of taking more than my correct dosage)
(I should also note here that I have a plan in place should this become a problem. I have talked to my parents about it and they are willing to help me if this happens. I will be giving them my pills and have them hold on to them, hide them, whatever it takes to make sure they only give me my regular, correct dose per day.)

3. This question is sort of obscure, and in a way similar to my last question, but for the sake of information and a relapse prevention plan I feel it's important for me to know. What types of things would happen if I took more than my prescribed dose? (I don't think people get high from Adderall in the same way that opiates give you a distinct high) Will my heart just beat really fast, I won't sleep much, and I will just be hyper-productive or energetic? Or is that way off from my imagined perception of taking too many stimulants?
(Again, I honestly don't know what to look for or what would happen if I took more, I don't intend to or plan on doing this, but I am curious and I learn more through tons of information and experience than just clinical terms and definitions that doctors/pharmacists give me).

I know this is long and somewhat detailed. I don't by any means try and glorify my time on drugs. I just feel that without some background, perhaps my questions may come out of left field. I know drug talk makes some people uncomfortable and while I do appreciate that it's hard to talk about, I do believe in being honest, even about the things nobody wants to talk about. I learn so much more through experiences I've had (whether positive or negative) and through what other people have experienced and/or advice from others. If you have any advice, information, book suggestions, websites for me to check out, personal experience in this area, please reply with it (or message me, I know that sometimes this topic is very personal and sharing it with the world doesn't appeal to everyone). Wow, I hope that last sentence didn't seem harsh. I just have no experience or expertise or know anyone on ADD/ADHD medicine to talk to about this which is why this forum is so helpful to me.

And I want to do everything in my power and my ability to make sure I take care of myself while I treat my inattentive ADD so I can finally finish school (going on 6 years now for a BA...I hope to finish some time in the near future, and treating my ADD will be instrumental in my finally completing my degree). Okay this is long, and I'm done now. So thanks for reading this, if you stuck through the whole long thing or just skimmed it, either way, I don't mind. I am just looking for advice and help in this new area.