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  #1  
Old 06-10-10, 01:32 AM
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Hello!, am i crazy?, and med help, resources

I always felt like I could handle it on my own, through being disciplined. I hit a wall. At work, at home, socially, my interpersonal relationships, everything. I felt like I could only excel at ONE thing. I felt stupid, frustrated, deeply guilty, unlovable and always somewhat anxious.

So, I'm finally taking medication. I feel like I'm saying hello for the first time, I feel engaged, I feel there is possibility. After taking meds, I am sort of amazed at myself for dealing with it all for so long without meds, I'm sort of surprised I even graduated college. I am trying to fine tune my understanding of myself. Since finding this site and am not feeling so crazy... I would like to share somethings that have disturbed/bothered me and it's not an exhaustive list by any means, either (which amazes me)... do any of you ADHDers experience these things or know if it goes hand in hand with ADHD?

1) Bed wetting. I wet until I was about 13 or 14 at which point I was mostly an insomniac. As an adult, I still wet the bed, although will only happen two or three times a year. As a kid I NEVER woke up/caught myself. As an adult sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. (Yeah, this was awful. Think I ever slept over at friends houses? Once, when my dad talked me into it when I was 8. Socially stunting and traumatizing.)


2) Since the age of about 13 when I am doing home work, computer work, data entry, writing papers, reading papers, I realize I am sexually aroused. I must alleviate the issue before I can resume trying to function, very annoying, very inappropriate timing.


3) Since I can remember I have been sensitive to loud places and new places.


4) Have trouble with foreplay, become impatient with it.



5) I have never cared for talking about the weather, or other office cooler chat (unless a subject I am interested in).


6) Have a hard time eating slowly and stopping eating (even when way too full) especially in social situations. I will try to eat slowly, but notice I am still closer to finished than everyone else. I used to try to count chews for each bite, found I would lose my count, or absolutely not paying attention.


7) Have a hard time with head math, counting (I have been obsessed with trying to count to 1,000 since 2nd grade. Needless to say, regardless of practice, I can't get above 150 -- usually I start messing up around 90).


8) Have a hard time working with people doing the same task (e.g. reading, doing a worksheet) especially when a time limit is involved (e.g. 45 seconds to read a shared piece of paper, or 30 minutes to complete a crossword). Could be with one person, a small group, or a classroom. Would rather work alone, and then review with others.


9) Find I have tensed muscles in my head (almost feel like I'm giving myself a facelift!) when interacting with people.


10) Sensitivity to harmless sounds (smacking, pen clicking, phone sounds, etc). Yet, is mostly OK if I am doing it (although when I smack it annoys me).


11) Obsessive checking for keys (I wear mine on a carabiner, if I don't hear them: something is wrong), obsessive checking if I locked the door (especially work), obsessive checking for my ID and $, obsessive looking behind me if I've put my hand in a pocket while walking down the street.



12) Hard time carrying conversation while in a car, especially while driving. Can't hardly listen (I can hear if there is talking, but it's like they're yelling from across the universe), let alone even talk.


Um, so yeah, any of you?



Also, since I've been on meds, many, many issues have been easier to deal with. I am wondering about dosage, I'm sure it varies depending on person and medication, etc. I started last Wednesday. I have been recording down pills, times, and comments (I am so excited to be ABLE to keep a NOTEBOOK, it has been a long, long time).



On average 1 pill (10 mg) in the morning and lunch time is lasting about 5.5 hours. I tried taking 2 pills and it lasts about the same amount of time, but noted better cognitive abilities.


With 1 pill, many annoyances are stifled (e.g. I don't feel like I have to talk myself down from a rage because someone didn't do the 4 way stop right) and social anxiety decreases. I have little control over my wondering thoughts (e.g. I missed my exit, zone out in convo), find minor improvement in writing ability (scientific and/or technical writing) and find organizing myself for work is overwhelming, especially if I have to manage more than 2 things. I find social interactions easy, and am fine with the amount of energy I spend paying attention.



With 2 pills, I experience same effects as with 1 pill, but notice better control over thoughts, organizing is easier (but still find myself getting confused by the time I get to the end of the pile -- have troubles w/ alphabetical order, need to repeat abc's to figure out order), and find it much easier to write. I do not feel racy, agitated, etc.


I am curious what 2.5 or even 3 is. I am still getting used to this (my brain working?) Is it OK to experiment? Dr. said to stay under 60 mg (6 pills), I was in sort of a fog, so, the gist I got was that was on the unusual side, but it's OK to wiggle around. But, ah, she didn't define what to expect, or even levels of control (I don't know why, but I was expecting it to be more of a threshold effect...as if I wouldn't feel it until it reached a certain level. Which I think I was hoping, for making it easy. But, alas, I know better than that!).



I know I should ask my Dr., and I will. Right now, I would like to hear about other peoples experiences with the dosing period and what effects you notice. (I will also later put in due diligence and explore the site! Thanks all!)



If you could recommend some good reading... papers (I have access to most scientific journals through work), books, etc. I would appreciate that!


Wow.
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Old 06-10-10, 03:58 AM
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Re: Hello!, am i crazy?, and med help, resources

http://www.greatschools.org/pdfs/220...f?date=4-12-05

http://www.add101.com/add_adhd.htm

ADHD in adults what the science says (book)

There really is a ton of information and it's all over the place unfortunately finding it is sometimes a bit more difficult. However, this forum is an excellent resourse
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  #3  
Old 06-10-10, 04:14 AM
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Re: Hello!, am i crazy?, and med help, resources

This stuff from DizFriz is a good read

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dizfriz View Post
These are my ADHD related essays. I am posting these here so I can refer to them as needed.

The 30% rule. Probably the most helpful thing that can be given to the parent of an ADHD child.
http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...6&postcount=18

Time Sense in ADHD Children. Very important to help understanding ADHD children.
http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...12&postcount=1

ADHD Children and Point of Performance and External Consequences. Absolutely critical in helping ADHD children.
http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...16&postcount=1

Acknowledgments as way of working with ADHD children.
http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...77&postcount=1

Grieving because your child is ADHD
http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...92&postcount=1

Time Out
http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...09&postcount=1

Career path for ADHD'ers
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=72027

ADHD Medications and How They Work
http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...7&postcount=11


These are meant to be of help. Use them as you will.

Dizfriz


and a 40 page pdf from which a lot of his research stemmed from -
http://www.greatschools.org/special-...gs?content=677
(I haven't even tried to read it, but you can at least download it for the future)
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Old 06-10-10, 06:48 AM
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Re: Hello!, am i crazy?, and med help, resources

Long list, but I can concur with a good portion of it.

Stimulants don't last longer at higher doses, and it's not really good for you to fluctuate up and down. Sometimes you can give yourself a drug holiday, though. Pick a day when you don't need to do anything, because you'll probably do nothing.

In the meantime, you should figure out how long the minimum dose lasts and try to cover yourself for the length of time you need. For example, if it takes an hour for it to kick in, and you start feeling it taper down between hours five and six, take the second dose at about hour four and a half. That way the effect of the second pill kicks in before the first one has completely pooped out.

The idea is that you become accustomed to the effect of the medication on your brain and get into the habit of taking it at regular intervals, then determine if you need to increase the dose. You increase the dose slowly so that you can accustom yourself to your new level of functioning, and decrease the risk of negative side effects.

Each time you go up, you might feel some of the physical ones (like increased heart rate or palpitations) or perhaps a little anxiety or agitation, but it lasts a lot less time than when you started the medication, if you felt them at all. You work up slowly so that your body gets used to the medication, and if you change medications after you've been taking them for 8 weeks or more, you work your dosage down slowly.

I know patience isn't the hallmark of ADD, but this is one area where it really pays off.
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  #5  
Old 06-10-10, 12:48 PM
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Re: Hello!, am i crazy?, and med help, resources

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amtram View Post
Long list, but I can concur with a good portion of it.

Stimulants don't last longer at higher doses, and it's not really good for you to fluctuate up and down. Sometimes you can give yourself a drug holiday, though. Pick a day when you don't need to do anything, because you'll probably do nothing.

In the meantime, you should figure out how long the minimum dose lasts and try to cover yourself for the length of time you need. For example, if it takes an hour for it to kick in, and you start feeling it taper down between hours five and six, take the second dose at about hour four and a half. That way the effect of the second pill kicks in before the first one has completely pooped out.

The idea is that you become accustomed to the effect of the medication on your brain and get into the habit of taking it at regular intervals, then determine if you need to increase the dose. You increase the dose slowly so that you can accustom yourself to your new level of functioning, and decrease the risk of negative side effects.

Each time you go up, you might feel some of the physical ones (like increased heart rate or palpitations) or perhaps a little anxiety or agitation, but it lasts a lot less time than when you started the medication, if you felt them at all. You work up slowly so that your body gets used to the medication, and if you change medications after you've been taking them for 8 weeks or more, you work your dosage down slowly.

I know patience isn't the hallmark of ADD, but this is one area where it really pays off.
Absolutely correct.
I originally did not give myself enough time to figure out my perfect dose and actually ended up taking a higher one than I needed.
One time (end of prescription) I had to take slightly less of my dose (an amount that I had skipped over in my haste to finally focus.) The results were awesome. I felt more in-tune and functional than I had with just 5mg over.

So give yourself time to adjust. The euphoria (and hot flashes, mental tunnel vision, headaches, etc) will fade in a few weeks. Then you'll be focused, without even feeling like you're on something.
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  #6  
Old 06-10-10, 01:48 PM
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Re: Hello!, am i crazy?, and med help, resources

Thank you! I will heed your cautions (on medicine).

I think I am too excited! I think I need to be patient and not get frustrated if my personal life doesn't improve at the same rate as my work performance. I think it is more important that I organize my work so I can eat, so I can have future security as opposed to having an organized, clean house, etc. Would like to still feel some "focus" when I get home though so I could study for the GRE I signed up for this October. However, I'm not so overwhelmed by the end of the day that I don't feel like I'm about to pass out -- so social interactions are easier, doing basic chores are more doable. I'm very grateful.

I WILL/MUST be patient. I just want to do all the things I've wanted to! All at once! I feel like I can. I feel engaged.

Also, thank you all for the resources. It certainly will help me direct my time after work (rather than getting lost in all of the other interesting distractions along the way).
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Old 06-10-10, 02:38 PM
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Re: Hello!, am i crazy?, and med help, resources

Heh,
Yea, definitely don't start researching this stuff while at work.
When I first was on my meds I didn't have much control over the focus they gave me and could spend hours learning all I could about adhd and the treatment of. (5 hours later...lol)
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