Choices - Positive and Negative

[ADHDnME]

Hi! I am wondering if any of you feel because of your ADD you have made terrible choices regarding career, relationships, etc.? For those on medications has that helped you to make better choices? I'm studying psychology in school and in an interesting section about whether we can actually change things about ourselves--the basic characteristics I believe cannot change, but do us ADDers have the ability to change other ways? I've had counseling for over 20 years and I often wonder. What are your thoughts? Thank you!

[Amtram]

I can think of a lot of things that I would have been able to change if I'd been medicated before I started making stupid decisions. I can't think of a single one I would have been able to do differently without them, or I would have, because I knew they were stupid and did them anyway.

[meridian]

I've made so many bad choices that I really have to look forward because looking back is just too scary.

I am sure hoping I will be doing better on meds.

[emma13]

i made some terrible choices and their consequences are long term, serious and overwhelming. ironically those were the choices "approved" by the society.

i've also made some impulsive choices that were seen as awful, i've been judged and talked into changing my mind, but years later looking back, those were the best choices i've ever taken.

so i would not blame add for everything that goes/ went bad in my life, but also for the good things. everytime i followed my intuition things turned out good. and i really believe this intuition is add-caused. when i tried to follow the NT norms, it turned out bad for me.

[Abi]

I made terrible choices in relationships because of "who I was/am" in the greater scheme of things.

I made bad career choices because I was pandering to societal norms; I left those jobs because of ADD.

Maybe its because I'm still rather young, but I have no regrets.

The reason for this is because even if tomorrow a genie from a bottle made me "perfectly well" , I would not go back to those relationships or jobs.

I hated my past jobs, not just because I was sick, I really hated them. I loathe the thought of wasting my time and energy on them.

And none of my ex's were really long term compatable with me, I wouldn't want to be with them.

By the way it was always me doing the quitting or dumping.

[BrokenMirrors]

Originally Posted by ADHDnME

Hi! I am wondering if any of you feel because of your ADD you have made terrible choices regarding career, relationships, etc.?

I don't think most decisions could be explained by ADD. Probably life is more complex than that But there are trends.
* Impulsivity - I have left job, when I did not feel like doing it. Have left a girlfriend an instant when I felt I did not love her. Stood up and spoke at the wrong time.
Most of the time impulsivity due to it's nature have short time impact.
I have learned not to make the fundamental decisions on the moments impulse. That is - I still do that, but I reevaluate later before acting. Like, don't quit the job before you have found the next, have kept me with just 2 jobs in last 10 years. Before it was a random. (Actually I have left those jobs on impulse, but came back to the same ones. They were good jobs for me most of the time.) Don't break relationships, make ultimatums, mentally destroy someone without consideration. I can feel an adrenaline pumping inside, so I start to calm down. Took a long time to learn.

* Not caring about something at the particular moment. That's the bad one, cause it can last for a long time and mostly leads to inaction not action. I find easier to suppress an action. Suppressing inaction - well we all know how it goes.
This has lead to the stupid financial decisions. I bought my first car in one day based on concept I had in mind and looks. Second most stupid money decision I've made. The first one is giving most of my money to a brother. He took it, I have not seen it any more. Even now I don't care to get it back. Stupid from the financial perspective; don't care from my inner value system. Most relationships in my life have ended partly because I did not care for one aspect or another.

I think "oppositional disorders" are based partly on impulsiveness and not caring about consequences. We can see where it leads.

*) Shiftiness leads to shallow, unfocused decisions. Most of the time they are not terrible in short term, but in retrospective they could be better. Education, relationships, work, all would be better if I would just stick to something, rather than let it go and seek for the next.

Now for second part of your question - of course we can change how we make the decisions, it's called 'maturing'. It just happens with a delay relative to normal population. Even if the impulsivity and rest are still inside, we can change how we express it to outside. There are coping strategies and tactics. It takes a time and a will to make them work.

Now one question for you - the subject line read "Choices - Positive and Negative", why did you spent so much focus on negative in your post itself?

[ideaman]

Stupid choices, galore, like letting myself be kicked out of grad school just one paper short of graduation... Medication would have helped in this particular case, I believe.

[Abi]

ideaman,

what difference does that really make, in the greater scheme of things?

20% less money each month for the rest of your (or my or anyone's) pointless existance?

[jenno227]

I have just had my soon to be 13 year old son diagnosed, and as I have seen in many locations on this forum, I believe that I have found a reason for all of my "bad choices" through his diagnosis. I hate the struggles he has had the past 2 years in middle school, I hated seeing my son suffer and not knowing why. I hated that his teachers and others were not seeing the "real" Tyler. I hate that he needs medication for people to see how he is not a screw up. I hate how my bad choices are making life for my family harder. On the other hand my bad choices led me to my husband...which is why I have my 2 sons who have brought me so much joy, love, and happiness. Perhaps if my ADHD was treated 20 years ago I would have finished college. I would have had more confidence in myself and maybe dated more or would have been more selective inwho I would spend my life with. I love my husband...do we have a perfect life or marriage...no...it is a work in progress after 14 years. But ADHD is not the cause of all the imperfactions.I am happy that my son will know why he thinks and acts the way he does...and I hope that information will lead him to lead a happy and fufilled life. I think maybe that is why I went through what I went throug...so I can better help him. Life is about choices wheather you have ADHD or not. I am kind of reluctant to go on meds myself ..because I am afraid that will cause me to be full of regret for my choices.