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  #1  
Old 06-21-13, 02:11 PM
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Being comfortable with yourself

I'm not sure when I feel less comfortable, when around others, or when I'm by my self. Either way, I generally don't feel comfortable with who I am, such as with my personality traits, especially just being able to seem like I can relate to others in a meaningful way. I've been trying to get better at that, but it seems like a futile effort sometimes.

Are you generally comfortable with yourself?
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Old 06-21-13, 02:17 PM
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Re: Being comfortable with yourself

Yes, I'm comfortable with mysef. I figure everyone is weird and feels out of place; I'm just one of the few people who don't mind being open about those things.

Probably happiest around children; especially my 11-yr-old nephew who I consider my best friend. I'm also blessed that my wife fell in love with me when I was 17 and waited for me to come around. After being with someone for over 17 years, you can't help but feel comfortable with them.

I love being alone, but find it very easy to get caught up in my hobbies and sometimes not in a productive way and I start to feel isolated. I'm working on spending more time with my sister. I'm going with her (and her two kids and my nephew) to visit my dad this weekend, so that should be nice.
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Old 06-21-13, 02:27 PM
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Re: Being comfortable with yourself

I'm pretty comfortable with myself. I spent a lot of time alone as a child (only child, few friends) so I had to be. When I was younger I spent a lot of time drawing or reading books to pass the time, and I think having those outlets helped me overcome the damage caused by social interactions.

Some social interactions still make me uncomfortable (although nothing is as bad as my childhood), and certain negative experiences will bleed over into the rest of my life. When this happens, I need to let my emotions reset. I can do this by going for a walk in the woods, or doing something else I enjoy. Sometimes it takes real effort not to let my interactions with others color my view of myself, but I think the key is to have as many positive experiences as you can to enable you to overcome the negatives.

If all else fails, I rely on an old coping mechanism- turning the criticism of others back towards them. I actually don't think this habit has served me that well, because it creates feelings of anger and loathing, but given the choice I'd rather that energy go outwards than inwards. It is a behavior I am trying to unlearn, but I'm also trying to grow more positive feelings towards myself at the same time.
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Old 06-21-13, 02:38 PM
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Re: Being comfortable with yourself

I tend to be comfortable with myself when my brain is leaving me alone
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Old 06-21-13, 02:45 PM
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Re: Being comfortable with yourself

I spend a lot of time alone, but even then I don't feel comfortable with myself.

I need to stop comparing myself and my life to other peoples.
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Old 06-21-13, 03:01 PM
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Re: Being comfortable with yourself

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Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
I need to stop comparing myself and my life to other peoples.
I think comparing oneself to others is a major source of pain for a lot of people. If you can unlearn one behavior, this is the one.
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Old 06-21-13, 03:13 PM
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Re: Being comfortable with yourself

It took me along time to be comfortable with myself. As a kid growing up, I was so different than the other kids I thought there was either something seriously worng with me or I was special due to my differences. Because I was so severe AD(H)D, I was always worried what everyone else would think of me. I use to be afraid that because of my condition, I was going to do something stupid and people were going to make fun. But as I got older I quickly realized that these so called "normal" people had issues and problems too, they were just different then mine. So I said, If they can go through life happy with their little quarks, why can't I.
From then on it was Katie bar the door. I could care less what people think and I was going to do and say what I wanted. I was, and still am, a good person who is sincere and honest so I stopped worrying about saying or doing the wrong thing especially because in my heart I would never intentionally hurt someone. Now, I don't shut up, I talk to everyone, I'm the life of the party and people accept me for who I am. If they ask me whats wrong with me I tell them I have AD(H)D.
I no longer say I suffer from AD(H)D

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Old 06-21-13, 03:52 PM
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Re: Being comfortable with yourself

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Originally Posted by Tmoney View Post
It took me along time to be comfortable with myself. As a kid growing up, I was so different than the other kids I thought there was either something seriously worng with me or I was special due to my differences. Because I was so severe AD(H)D, I was always worried what everyone else would think of me. I use to be afraid that because of my condition, I was going to do something stupid and people were going to make fun.
This is why I am thankful that I was not diagnosed as a child. I was completely oblivious to my own behavior. I knew I did not get along with other kids, and I knew I had no friends, but since I wasn't labeled I was able to put it all off on to them. Instead of wondering why I was so messed up, I would sit and wonder why other people were so terrible. My parents were always supportive of me, so it took some time for this "delusion" to wear off. It wasn't until I was out of the house and on my own until I realized just how poorly I fit with the rest of the world, but this was well after I had met other people much like myself, who also didn't fit. I think the obliviousness and denial that accompanied my untreated ADHD made for a decent coping mechanism. Elementary school is a horrible place for people like us, diagnosed or no.
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Old 06-21-13, 05:15 PM
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Re: Being comfortable with yourself

Yes, I am.

I live alone with two cats, there is no one to "coach" my inefficient and disorganized manner of carrying out the practical things in life, or wonder why I drift through some of my days.

If I went on in that vein, it would probably sound selfish. But after an inadequate mother, and a (now ex-) husband who prized efficiency above all else, I think I just enjoy an atmosphere in which there is no one to yell at me or let me know in various ways just how bad I am, how little deserving of respect I am.

I am comfortable with myself, and now (newly) comfortable with my ADHD self. I live alone and I love it. I feel safe living alone.
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Old 06-21-13, 06:25 PM
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Re: Being comfortable with yourself

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Originally Posted by ana futura View Post
This is why I am thankful that I was not diagnosed as a child. I was completely oblivious to my own behavior. I knew I did not get along with other kids, and I knew I had no friends, but since I wasn't labeled I was able to put it all off on to them. Instead of wondering why I was so messed up, I would sit and wonder why other people were so terrible. My parents were always supportive of me, so it took some time for this "delusion" to wear off. It wasn't until I was out of the house and on my own until I realized just how poorly I fit with the rest of the world, but this was well after I had met other people much like myself, who also didn't fit. I think the obliviousness and denial that accompanied my untreated ADHD made for a decent coping mechanism. Elementary school is a horrible place for people like us, diagnosed or no.
Yeah, as a kid, I was similarly ignorant of my own behavior. I knew the other kids didn't like me. What made that issue worse was that I was pulled out and home-schooled. Still, at the job I was at the longest, I sort of had "friendships", but based off of the interactions I had there I could have further modified my behavior.

What really downed my self-esteem was a manager at that job who told me "fifty people" had complained about me, even ones in my own department, apparently because I was "negative" or "not social enough." Though, a former co-worker has been contacting me on and off these past few weeks, requesting for me to come back (apparently someone else wants me to come back, too). It was intuition, I knew I had made friendships to some extent, but I had probably irritated some people because of my lack of impulse control, or not socializing to a minimum extent.
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Old 06-21-13, 06:32 PM
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Re: Being comfortable with yourself

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Originally Posted by ana futura View Post
I'm pretty comfortable with myself. I spent a lot of time alone as a child (only child, few friends) so I had to be. When I was younger I spent a lot of time drawing or reading books to pass the time, and I think having those outlets helped me overcome the damage caused by social interactions.


.
I'm also an only child,
did you think for years, that this was the main reason you felt different???
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Old 06-21-13, 08:41 PM
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Re: Being comfortable with yourself

I'm very comfortable with myself. I like who I am and what I do, and even how I look most of the time (that one took a LOT of effort). Are there things I can stand to improve on? Sure, definitely, always. But I try to do my best to identify those things and work on them, so I can feel good about that, too.

I didn't used to be comfortable with myself at all. I had a lot of self-esteem issues and serious self-loathing. I was nearly immune to the judgment and criticism of others, only because I hated myself far more than anyone else could hate me. A lot of it stemmed from abuse I experienced as a child and had never dealt with properly. Once something so traumatic gets under your skin it takes a lot of healing before you can move past it.

In college I finally sought therapy for what happened to me as a kid, and once I was able to move past that, I found (to my great surprise) that I no longer hated myself. Once I let go of that, my whole life changed, really. That and I suppose I was also getting older and more mature, so the way I viewed myself grew naturally as a product of that. I hadn't realized just how much the trauma I experienced as a child had warped the way I viewed myself (as worthless, disgusting, garbage, etc.) until after I got serious help to deal with it.

I feel really strongly that people who have issues with their self-concept and self-worth can benefit a lot from therapy, or even just therapy workbooks. Even if you don't have some dark, ugly skeletons in your closet, just general difficulties in life compounded over the years can really wreck a person's self-esteem. Sometimes we have to have someone else help us enact a paradigm shift in our lives re: how we view ourselves. Sometimes you're so stuck in that mindset, it's almost impossible to get out of it yourself, you need someone else to help show you how. But I believe it's always possible.
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Old 06-21-13, 09:59 PM
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Re: Being comfortable with yourself

I'm comfortable with myself and aware that 'others' are too unless they find out I have 'ADHD' - and seriously, i think it's interesting that it never came up in conversation with friends, we have no family alive who care what we have, and the one 'neighbor friend' who found out i have it and my son because i decided to tell her as she confided something deep to me -and felt that we might actually become good friends...so mentioned it and ever since then she's sort of changed....

People have some 'inner critics' all about 'what others think' and i really don't care - i am consistently myself with folks and i'm not ashamed of anything basically - i'm quite clear no one really knows anything for certain about much with regard to brain/body function except folks who've had a disease challenge them.

If we were all the same and this was a 'curable' thing there would be one universal cure all and there isn't.....there are as varied approaches as there are people and attitudes do affect behavior and behavior dictates health, it's all connected and complex.
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Old 06-21-13, 11:59 PM
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Re: Being comfortable with yourself

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Originally Posted by ana futura View Post
This is why I am thankful that I was not diagnosed as a child. I was completely oblivious to my own behavior. I knew I did not get along with other kids, and I knew I had no friends, but since I wasn't labeled I was able to put it all off on to them. Instead of wondering why I was so messed up, I would sit and wonder why other people were so terrible. My parents were always supportive of me, so it took some time for this "delusion" to wear off. It wasn't until I was out of the house and on my own until I realized just how poorly I fit with the rest of the world, but this was well after I had met other people much like myself, who also didn't fit. I think the obliviousness and denial that accompanied my untreated ADHD made for a decent coping mechanism. Elementary school is a horrible place for people like us, diagnosed or no.
Man I was just the opposite. I wanted so much to play with the other little girls, but I didn't know how, and when I did get to play with them, it didn't make me feel any less weird. I tried so hard, but I couldn't figure out even how to pretend to be like them. But I had already put being bad together with being weird, so I was really stuck in a negative self esteem feedback loop, for a very long time.
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Old 06-22-13, 12:36 AM
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Re: Being comfortable with yourself

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I'm also an only child,
did you think for years, that this was the main reason you felt different???
I thought it was one of many reasons. I never thought it was solely that, as my parents were total weirdos as well. My parents usually attributed my social issues to my intelligence, I was simply too smart for other kids. It seemed like a good enough reason to me. Adults often found me precocious and entertaining. For a long time I clung to that.

As an adult though, I started to really wish I'd had a sibling. I often think it might have helped me out a little bit socially.


Quote:
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Man I was just the opposite. I wanted so much to play with the other little girls, but I didn't know how, and when I did get to play with them, it didn't make me feel any less weird. I tried so hard, but I couldn't figure out even how to pretend to be like them. But I had already put being bad together with being weird, so I was really stuck in a negative self esteem feedback loop, for a very long time.
My memory of my childhood is quite spotty, so it's possible I was more troubled than I'm remembering, for the most part I just remember other kids ignoring me or being cruel and me hating them in return. But then I really did think other kids were stupid or boring. And my parents hated things like organized sports and scouting, so my failure to participate in social activities didn't really raise any eyebrows. It was assumed to be a choice. If I'd tried to participate in anything it would have ended badly I'm sure, but not trying saved me from a whole bunch of heart ache.

I was a gender non-conformist from a very young age. The things girls did never held any appeal to me, so girls held limited appeal as well. "House" was such a boring terrible thing, the thought of it made me want to puke. I just wanted to build stuff out of lincoln logs or legos, or play with transformers. There were some boys who would play with me, but I often found them annoying as well. I actually attributed a lot of my ADHD issues to gender dysphoria for a long time.
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