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  #16  
Old 05-08-18, 09:12 PM
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Re: How much does ADHD impact your life?

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Originally Posted by PoppnNSailinMan View Post
I've been going to see a therapist every two weeks for about six months now, and have an appointment with him this morning. Difficulties in my personal relationships is one of the things that we've been talking about lately. It's had an impact on me my entire life.

Just like you, I usually don't have any idea what I did to make someone angry at me, and used to think that whatever it was, it was probably their fault. But the last few years since my ADHD diagnosis, I've gotten into the habit of just apologizing whenever someone gets upset with me. But since I don't always know what it was I did, I'm not sure what to apologize for and will sometimes just make a guess. I did that recently, and the person got even more angry and said that I was apologizing for the wrong thing.
It was awkward talking to a therapist for my diagnosis. Had to discuss my whole life. She stated if i had gotten help sooner in school i would have been so much better off. But ADD wasn't a "thing" then and everyone just called me lazy. So here i am haha, 38 and struggling. She was super nice and runs my local ADHD support group. She met me and i was looking to get diagnosed. It's unbelievably hard to get in with a psychiatrist. it was at least 6-8 weeks for the initial appt and then a few more weeks between follow ups. literally would have taken me 4 months to get this done. So she offered to help me out and i accepted. I felt comfortable with her, but still it was awkward for me to talk about. I have failed over and over and i hate reliving those failures.

I guess sometimes i know what i did or said. On some level anyways. But i feel like people can make cracks about me and i should just take it. But if i do the same to them....offended never talk to me again. I have struggled with that forever and ever. Plus i'm and "off the cuff person" so whatever bubbles up i say it. Literally can crack jokes at a funeral. Being funny is something i excel at. And life is boring and depressing and miserable all the time. Levity passes the time. I am gay and live in the Midwest, recipe for dying alone. So my friends can make fun of my weight, being gay or really anything and i just take it. But if i make a comment about them it's all out war. I have stopped really trying to have close friends or relationships really. Just doesn't seem worth my time. I know i am way to direct, sometimes i say something and the hush crawls over the crowd. Then i'm like sh*t i messed up again. If i'm quiet at work i am labeled weird. If i talk i am labeled an a**hole. So really there is no winning scenario for me. I am currently down to two friends, i keep things manageable haha. One i hang out with maybe 5 times a year. The other i just text, we haven't been in the same room in like 2 years. He has kids and a girlfriend and a dog and studies astrology and makes paper airplanes....i dunno whatever he's always "busy". I think he's just to "busy" for me.
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  #17  
Old 05-09-18, 02:55 AM
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Re: How much does ADHD impact your life?

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I am gay and live in the Midwest, recipe for dying alone. So my friends can make fun of my weight, being gay or really anything and i just take it. But if i make a comment about them it's all out war. I have stopped really trying to have close friends or relationships really. Just doesn't seem worth my time.
What a coincidence that you'd bring this up! I'm gay, too, and one of the issues that I brought up during my appointment with my therapist today was how much more difficult the process of coming out was for me because of my ADHD.

The reason that this was even on my mind was that I went last week to see the movie Love, Simon which is about a 17 year old boy who is fairly popular at his school but is gay and is struggling to come out. It all has a happy ending, however, and his family and his friends and most of the other students at his school all accept him and he falls in love with another boy.

Unfortunately, things are not that easy and don't have such happy endings for a lot of lesbian, gay or bisexual (LGB) teens. They're much more likely to suffer from low self-esteem and depression and a survey of more than 15,000 students that was conducted by the CDC in 2015 found that out of the LGB teens, 34.9% were planning suicide and 24.9% had attempted suicide in the previous year.

It's a very lonely and stressful experience for a 12 year old or a 13 year old to realize that they're gay and have this secret about themselves that they're afraid to talk about with their friends or with their parents and then to carry that secret all by themselves for the next 4 or 5 or even more years until they come out. And it's even more lonely and stressful if you grew up in a place like I did, or in Kansas I suppose.

When I came out at age 21 more than 30 years ago, it was even more difficult than what it is now, especially for those living in isolated or rural areas. I was living at the time in a remote area with my parents in a wood cabin on the edge of a forest while attending a junior college in a small town (population 17,000) about 30 miles away. I didn't know a single other gay person and there was no Internet for me to find other people like myself to connect with for friendship or support. There were no positive portrayals of gay characters in TV shows or movies. As Wikipedia says, gay characters were "depicted in mainstream films as dangerous misfits who needed to be cured or killed."

And I had ADHD, too, primarily of the Inattentive Presentation, so that even before all of this became an issue, I was already fairly isolated socially and mostly friendless. Other students probably saw me as shy and socially awkward, a space cadet. I spent a lot of my free time by myself, in my head, day dreaming, tuned out.

LOL...As peri says so eloquently:

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adhd alone sucks, but it makes everything else that much harder as well.
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  #18  
Old 05-09-18, 05:41 PM
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Re: How much does ADHD impact your life?

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Originally Posted by Essa96 View Post
I'm trying to learn a little more about others' personal experience, being diagnosed with ADHD-PI recently.

Personally, I only find that only a few symptoms really take a major toll on my life such as being easily distracted, and having a very short attention span/attention to detail.
While I have all of the symptoms, these bother me most since I haven't been able to move forward academically.
How do some people get through University with undiagnosed ADHD?
Personally, I can't read a few lines of a book without my mind wandering off, let alone research projects.

Tell me about your experience with ADHD, which type, when and why you were diagnosed
Well, my life is generally a mess...I take on too much, don't get much of it done, end up not having enough time to improve such as practicing my music.

But I don't know how much is ADHD or just who I am. And, since I've never lived without ADHD, I really don't have a way to say how ADHD has impacted my life.
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Old 05-09-18, 11:56 PM
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Re: How much does ADHD impact your life?

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Originally Posted by PoppnNSailinMan View Post
What a coincidence that you'd bring this up! I'm gay, too, and one of the issues that I brought up during my appointment with my therapist today was how much more difficult the process of coming out was for me because of my ADHD.

The reason that this was even on my mind was that I went last week to see the movie Love, Simon which is about a 17 year old boy who is fairly popular at his school but is gay and is struggling to come out. It all has a happy ending, however, and his family and his friends and most of the other students at his school all accept him and he falls in love with another boy.

Unfortunately, things are not that easy and don't have such happy endings for a lot of lesbian, gay or bisexual (LGB) teens. They're much more likely to suffer from low self-esteem and depression and a survey of more than 15,000 students that was conducted by the CDC in 2015 found that out of the LGB teens, 34.9% were planning suicide and 24.9% had attempted suicide in the previous year.

It's a very lonely and stressful experience for a 12 year old or a 13 year old to realize that they're gay and have this secret about themselves that they're afraid to talk about with their friends or with their parents and then to carry that secret all by themselves for the next 4 or 5 or even more years until they come out. And it's even more lonely and stressful if you grew up in a place like I did, or in Kansas I suppose.

When I came out at age 21 more than 30 years ago, it was even more difficult than what it is now, especially for those living in isolated or rural areas. I was living at the time in a remote area with my parents in a wood cabin on the edge of a forest while attending a junior college in a small town (population 17,000) about 30 miles away. I didn't know a single other gay person and there was no Internet for me to find other people like myself to connect with for friendship or support. There were no positive portrayals of gay characters in TV shows or movies. As Wikipedia says, gay characters were "depicted in mainstream films as dangerous misfits who needed to be cured or killed."

And I had ADHD, too, primarily of the Inattentive Presentation, so that even before all of this became an issue, I was already fairly isolated socially and mostly friendless. Other students probably saw me as shy and socially awkward, a space cadet. I spent a lot of my free time by myself, in my head, day dreaming, tuned out.

LOL...As peri says so eloquently:
I knew i was gay in like 5th grade i suppose. Maybe earlier than that. I grew up in the burbs and it was a "thing" to get girlfriends in 4-5 grade. Puppy love stuff hand holding. By junior high it was kissing and the rumor mill. Such and such did such and such. By high school i had pregnant girls all around. Literally my school had a daycare in it. The students studying early education used the other kids...well kids to study with. It was nuts, beyond nuts. And no other homo's like me. well there was but they kept that hidden. It wasn't "cool" to be gay then. My younger sister graduated from the same high school as me like 7 years after me. And football players hung out with the gay kids. Yeah i'll let you catch your breath after than sentence. It was like being on some new discovered planet when i went back with her and visited. I never really had issues in school. I suppose kids knew but it wasn't an issue. My lack of focus and constant failures were an issue. Most of the kids i hung out with dropped out of high school. I stuck it out though. I'm a gluten for punishment i suppose. I took night school and summer school to graduate. I literally scored like a 67% my senior year. You had to be above 65% to graduate i think. I literally slipped in under the wire on that one. My family could care less i'm gay. My grandmother doesn't like gays so i never bothered to tell her. I don't date anyone, never really have. So if prince charming rides up on some dilapidated pony then i'll tell everyone he's mine and live my life. Otherwise I'm just whatever they see me as. Like the eminem song, i am whatever you say i am. I'm beyond lonely, figured by now i would have someone. I think gay and ADHD mix so poorly because you fail at life in some regard. Then have failing at love and relationships on top of that. Just it's just all out frustration.
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  #20  
Old 05-10-18, 02:54 AM
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Re: How much does ADHD impact your life?

My apologies for the lack of singular clarity, and likely grammatical mistakes. I’m in a slight rush but I also wanted to add something to this thread. Very often the slight rush is the only way to get going. Yet there is some inherent impulsiveness, unfelt fear that I don’t have enough time, because there are all these other things that need to be done. For example, get dressed and theoretically be ready to leave the house for work, before it’s too late.
OK, back to this thread though. About this (my) ADD story. I have lately thought that whatever else experts defines it as, ADD (to me) is some moving constellation of disruptive energy. There is something not quite right about my internal guidance system relative to what is (“life”). And because the “life” project is all about connections [that are in motion], to people, things, ideas, emotions (probably though this too is an energetic realm), I tend to be out-of-sync with what is and ultimately with my own self. Of course sometimes less so, sometimes it doesn’t matter, sometimes I don’t care, but generally speaking it takes tons of energy to manage the constellation of disruptive energy and the end result is very little gets built. Quite often things get un-built. Maybe this propensity is part of a bigger desire or drive to connect to some essence (energetic) that exist in the present tense? Maybe. Sometimes I am there, in the present tense, and people say I can be very intense, but even then the disruptive energy factors skew towards something that is not easy to reconcile with in the life project.
I ran across a piece recently by M Manson (who writes very well .. and I’m not saying this piece is the holy grail) titled something like 10 reasons you fail. In various degrees I know 9/10 quite well. So what, it’s just a list someone came up with. I can come up with my own list. Except there is something intrinsic, innate to the “constellation” I mentioned above, and its effects are highly self-diminishing. There is also something in the MManson list that is hard to deny. In theory I could (and have) concentrate (d) on one or two “aspects”, let’s say “fear of being perceived as successful”, but I don’t quite connect with this fear, and then the other “aspects” start spinning. So generally, a very low level of functional progress. I suspect I don’t really accept this on some level, a certain kind of “handicappedness” (from the constellation of disruptive energy) that disables progress. The "merry-go-round" spins and sometimes the views are amazing, sometimes I meet interesting people and we have a ride, but it keeps turning on its own axis. Gotta run, now I am late.
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Old 05-11-18, 05:53 PM
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Re: How much does ADHD impact your life?

Lotsa ways it affects me but I'm trying to learn to laugh if off instead of getting upset about it.

Yesterday I sent an email to the boss and... I spelt my own name wrong!!!
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Old 05-11-18, 07:43 PM
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Re: How much does ADHD impact your life?

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Lotsa ways it affects me but I'm trying to learn to laugh if off instead of getting upset about it.

Yesterday I sent an email to the boss and... I spelt my own name wrong!!!
Haha that's epic, was it your grocery list?
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Old 05-11-18, 09:10 PM
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Re: How much does ADHD impact your life?

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Haha that's epic, was it your grocery list?
Lol no. I haven't done that one.....yet
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Old 05-12-18, 01:55 AM
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Re: How much does ADHD impact your life?

I just graduated from a few programs and earned a few certificatins from them, but haven't applied to any jobs for them. I'm stuck working a mall job that is commission based instead, just because I can't even concentrate on filling out applications.

My daughter is no longer able to see the dentist she has been seeing for years because I canceled her appointments last minute a few times. They sent me a letter saying I was no longer able to send her there because of that. She hasn't seen a dentist in around 8 months, which is quite a lot for a kid.

I've missed all my appts. with my psychiatrist to get my adhd meds, and I'm currently running really low on Dexedrine. Hopefully I'll take care of it soon.

I make plenty of mistakes at my new job which makes me look really ditsy and/or stupid and I try to play it off by making a lot of jokes, but in reality I feel like crap because of it. Small tasks or instructions that others grasp easily in my job takes me a long time to comprehend.

Most days I feel like a shi**y young mom, though I'm 28. How was I even allowed to be one with the mess that I am? When it comes to work, the only things I've felt have worked on my side is that I'm pretty and funny and that's how I've gotten along with some coworkers.

Sorry I don't have advice for you. You're not alone! Take it day by day, really.
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Old 05-12-18, 02:10 AM
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Re: How much does ADHD impact your life?

I feel like my ADHD-PI has been a chronic and disabling part of my life that has affected every aspect of my life to varying degrees through out.
And I don't see that word used here often...and I sometimes feel guilty saying it myself (which is why I too don't use it hardly ever)...but I truly do feel like it's been a disability to me.

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Originally Posted by Google
Disability is an impairment that may be cognitive, developmental, intellectual, mental, physical, sensory, or some combination of these. [...] Disabilities is an umbrella term, covering impairments, activity limitations, and participation restrictions.
Check, check and check!

I still have hope however. I'm not exactly sure why or how...but I do still hope in a brighter future. I'm still convinced that some day I'll get things under enough control that I can be happily employed long term.
That's my ultimate goal anyhow. To not just find a job I like...but to actually stick with it (man I have a hard time sticking with things!).
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Old 05-12-18, 10:53 AM
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Re: How much does ADHD impact your life?

I definitely think my ADHD- Inattentive is a disability. I'm sure it negatively affects me in ways I don't even realize. I don't think it would meet the high bar of the legal definition but it meets and far exceeds the high bar of modern, first world life.
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Old 05-12-18, 02:59 PM
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Re: How much does ADHD impact your life?

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I'm beyond lonely, figured by now i would have someone. I think gay and ADHD mix so poorly because you fail at life in some regard. Then have failing at love and relationships on top of that. Just it's just all out frustration.
Being gay and having ADHD or any other kind of disability are similar in some ways. In both cases, a person grows up knowing that they're somehow different from most of the other children and don't fit in. And other kids recognize that they're different, too, and sometimes exclude them or in some cases bully them. They're usually not the popular kids. It's not surprising that when I was in middle school, one of the only friends I had was someone who was somehow physically disabled and couldn't walk very well. We were both outcasts and that was how we made friends.

And feeling like an outsider has implications for how people feel about themselves, both as children and later as adults. So it's not surprising that low self-esteem, depression, and suicide are much more prevalent among both gay people and people with ADHD.

But the ADHD is really worse in some respects. It causes difficulties at love and relationships for both gay and straight people and in almost identical ways. I got a book when I was first diagnosed with ADHD which was written primarily for partners and spouses of people with ADHD and it's full of quotes by people describing all the things their ADHD spouses/partners do that drive them crazy and how they're at their wits' end. Almost all the quotes are by people in straight relationships, but my own partner could have easily said most of same things, too, and I'm sure that he's been at his wits' end, too, sometimes.
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Old 05-12-18, 03:11 PM
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Re: How much does ADHD impact your life?



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Old 05-12-18, 07:40 PM
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Re: How much does ADHD impact your life?

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Being gay and having ADHD or any other kind of disability are similar in some ways. In both cases, a person grows up knowing that they're somehow different from most of the other children and don't fit in. And other kids recognize that they're different, too, and sometimes exclude them or in some cases bully them. They're usually not the popular kids. It's not surprising that when I was in middle school, one of the only friends I had was someone who was somehow physically disabled and couldn't walk very well. We were both outcasts and that was how we made friends.

And feeling like an outsider has implications for how people feel about themselves, both as children and later as adults. So it's not surprising that low self-esteem, depression, and suicide are much more prevalent among both gay people and people with ADHD.

But the ADHD is really worse in some respects. It causes difficulties at love and relationships for both gay and straight people and in almost identical ways. I got a book when I was first diagnosed with ADHD which was written primarily for partners and spouses of people with ADHD and it's full of quotes by people describing all the things their ADHD spouses/partners do that drive them crazy and how they're at their wits' end. Almost all the quotes are by people in straight relationships, but my own partner could have easily said most of same things, too, and I'm sure that he's been at his wits' end, too, sometimes.
I just assumed i would find someone and "click". But my career hasn't clicked the love life hasn't clicked haha. Nothing ever seems to fit together. I was posting on another post here about dating sites. It hasn't gone well for me. Part could be i'm in the midwest and it's a gay desert. Who knows, it's been an adventure for sure. I think most of my friendships are toxic. They keep me around because it makes them feel better. Either from a perspective of they are doing something good and nice. Or from the angle of "least i'm not him". I have let many friends off the hook so to speak. If i feel they are just hanging on for whatever reason i give them the chance to bail....and they do. I think it would be nice to be loved and to love someone. But i have given up that hope. At this point i'm just working on me. I start the new job soon and i'll pour myself into that. Everything else is just drama and i'm over it. I can't blame it all on my ADHD either, i think the dating scene has shifted. And on the gay side it's more about quick sex than dating anyone. Get your rocks off and move on kinda thing. Life's a party i guess. For me i crave the personal connection and want someone to care about. I'm pushing 40 so for me i'm just looking at what's left of my life. So i don't have time to clutter my mind with middle school gay b/s.
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Old 05-12-18, 08:41 PM
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Re: How much does ADHD impact your life?

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I think it would be nice to be loved and to love someone. But i have given up that hope. At this point i'm just working on me. I start the new job soon and i'll pour myself into that. Everything else is just drama and i'm over it. I can't blame it all on my ADHD either, i think the dating scene has shifted. And on the gay side it's more about quick sex than dating anyone. Get your rocks off and move on kinda thing. Life's a party i guess. For me i crave the personal connection and want someone to care about. I'm pushing 40 so for me i'm just looking at what's left of my life.
I think that most people deserve to find someone to love them and that they can love in return. I met the partner I'm with now 20 years ago when I was 37, so I was about the same age as you are now. And we didn't meet in a bar. And I'm really lucky to have found someone who has stuck with me for 20 years, despite the ADHD. If I were you, I wouldn't give up yet. It's never too late to find love or go back to school or learn a new language...
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