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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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Old 08-08-18, 11:03 PM
blue592 blue592 is offline
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Crazy feelings

Hello,

First off, thank you so much for your help. Iím a 26 year old girl who has never been in a relationship. My dating experience consists of dating people for no longer than about two weeks and some sexual experimentation (but not sex yet). Iím writing because I feel so strongly about someone I feel physically ill and somewhat insane. I met a man last week who I was instantly attracted to from the moment we met. The chemistry was incredible from the get-go. Iím not sure I ever truly experienced this before. Immediately I thought, ďI have a crush on him.Ē I found myself faintly thinking about our relationship 30 minutes into knowing him. I tried to dismiss how intense these feelings really were because I didnít want to get hurt and I thought I was making it all up in my head. He is a very attractive and charismatic man and I thought I was just falling prey to that. We are aspiring musicians and actors and met at a performance. So after the performance the group of us went out to dinner. At dinner, he and I couldnít stop looking at each other and smiling. I assumed with his charismatic nature he was probably like this with everyone and chastised myself for always falling for these types of guys. By the end of the night, he told me he found me very attractive. I was elated to hear this, but still paranoid that he probably treats everyone this way. You can see how low my self-esteem is. He gave me a ride home and I 100% by accident, took his bag of books with me from his car. Part of me was ecstatic about getting to see him again to give him back his books and part of me felt scared. At this point weíd definitely be seeing each other again. We arranged for me to return his books back to him and of course it ended up being a date.

Before I move on, let me add some details about him. I knew he was older than me, but it turns out he is an entire 25 years my senior. Additionally he has a primary career as a professional athlete and is insanely wealthy. All of this is starting to freak me out (in good and bad ways).

The date ended up being an absolutely amazing day of us hanging out from early morning until late at night. We went to the beach, we rode bikes, and sang together in his apartment which has the most amazing view of manhattan I have ever seen.

He kept telling me that he felt something special right when we met, and that we had a rare connection. He told me itís rare to feel this way about someone. I confessed that I assumed he experiences this with every woman and he said no, not at all. All day he kept telling me how much he loved my quirky mind and how beautiful I was. While we did not have sex, we were sexually intimate all day and fooled around a bit. I havenít been touched like this in so long and given our intense emotional connection, it felt amazing. He was very nurturing to me in certain conversations and I felt like he truly understood me. It felt unbelievable to be praised and paid attention to. By the end of the night we were cuddling and kissing non-stop like a couple and it felt so natural.

This is the first time Iíve felt this intensely about a person. Every time I have feelings for someone I just assume that it will go badly and that it wonít result in anything but heartbreak and unrequited love (because, to be honest, itís happened in the past). But the first couple days after seeing him I felt joy and excitement beyond belief. I caught myself smiling and daydreaming nonstop and had butterflies in my stomach. The feelings of joy crashed into anxiety and sadness eventually though. The self-doubt and not feeling good enough finally set in. Ever since I met him Iíve felt a combination of extremely high highs and extremely low lows. I havenít been able to eat or sleep well. My mind is constantly on him. My stomach and chest feel hot and uneasy. Iím hot then Iím cold. I have never experienced such intense PHYSICAL sensations before tied to my emotions. Is this normal?

He is out of the country and it is agonizing that I wonít be able to see him for at least 3 weeks. It feels like a year. Additionally I too am leaving for a music training program this weekend and still have to pack and make last minute preparations and canít focus one bit. Iím very worried that what needs to get done wonít before Saturday. Also I want to be as focused as possible when Iím there and Iím worried this will get in the way.

Another thing that keeps freaking me out is his status in life. I am very intimidated by his wealth and success and paranoid that I am too ordinary and not good enough for it. I also keep assuming he must have a big ego if heís a pro athlete and that rich but I think maybe these are just judgments. I love that he is so much older than me, but that too intimidates me.

How can I deal with these extremely intense fluctuating feelings? Last night I was trying to pack for Saturday and had a panic attack. These feelings of panic alternate with feelings of giddiness and joy and itís all just extremely intense and scary.

At this point I feel like, Iím in love with him even though we only had one date. When he gets back should I be upfront about the fact that I want to be with him? Would it be okay to ask him where he sees this going? I donít want my heart played with. I experience anxiety and depression and have severed relationships with my parents and have a lot going on now. I feel like I canít make it through a major heartbreak right now. What should I say to him?

What are your general thoughts on all this? Iím feeling very intense and
vulnerable and it is scaring me. It feels lonely not to be able to talk to anyone about this. I canít thank you enough for taking the time to read this and giving me advice.
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Old 08-09-18, 05:39 PM
Restoration08 Restoration08 is offline
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Re: Crazy feelings

Hi Blue. I was just wondering if there is anyone you really trust to sit with and talk this relationship through. I'm probably much older than you and have been through several relationships. Some good and most, not so good. I felt abandoned by my mom, birth father and step dad, therefore, I made tons of mistakes and was used and abused because of lack of advice and more so from "following" my strong desires. This is intense and reminds me of my younger self. It almost always feels so (pretty much) all of the emotions that you've described, in the very beginning. I hope you really take things slow with this man and I pray that you will find someone in your "circle of family and friends" to check in on you. My friend was in law enforcement and has shared some sad stories about young girls dating men that they hardly knew. I'd hate for any young girl to date a man 25 years her senior and no one has any knowledge of the relationship, the person or your whereabouts. Please be careful and please protect your heart. I'm concerned about you and I hope you see this response as that. Someone here, truly concerned about you and his intentions. Again, please go slow and stay in the public view while dating until you really get to know one another.
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