Dear Spouse or Partner of ADHD

[Tired Wife]

Thank you for this post. Some I remember reading another time I was overwhelmed with my spouse's stuff and looking for answers. It is really hard for me to accept the downtime. He was out of work for 2 years, and I was pregnant, and he did not find work, so I have a hard time making space for him to get the downtime. Rationally I know his brain needs it. Emotionally I think, when is it my turn to get taken care of, when can I relax. I can't stop, but he gets to. It is hard to accept. Especially with the clutter, unfinished tasks etc. giving me anxiety from cluttering my space. He does not believe in simplifying. I love him, and wish we both had learned healthier patterns from the beginning so I didn't feel like the empathy always has to go in one direction. I feel like I am expected to excuse away everything and never hold him accountable. Or I have to give ultimatums. No in between. I know it's more tiresome for him than for me but I wish he would do something about it. (Lifestyle management, meditation, mindfulness, biofeedback, high protein diet, etc.)