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  #1  
Old 09-18-18, 09:05 AM
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Why are you not happy?

Great talk by Matthew McConaughey:




1. Figure out who you were meant to be. Then enjoy the process, not the outcome. Find joy in doing. Learn from mistakes and get better at it. And find out what you are not, what you are not good at.
2. Figure out what matters to you, and then make sure those areas of your life are healthy. Is it your family, your marriage, your career, your friends, your health (mental, physical, spiritual)? Whatever they are, ignore one of those and it gets sick, it pulls you down.
3. Stop doing those things that hurt your soul, stop feeding them. That bar that gives you the worst hangovers, that computer screen that keeps you from going out into the world and experiencing real relationships, that group of friends that gossips too much, that bottle of pills, that food that tastes so good going down but makes you tired and lethargic afterwards. And if you CAN'T stop, get help.
4. Feed the things that bring you joy. Everyone has a good wolf and a bad wolf, and they're both hungry. The difference is just feeding that good wolf a little more.
5. Be the person you want to be, someone you would admire.

And one thing I've learned from personal experience (this is Daniel talking): Take advice from those you admire, from those who have succeeded in whatever area you are asking for advice in. Otherwise, you are going to get BAD ADVICE!!

Let's use this thread to post micro-learning (like short YouTube videos) that inspired or helped you and that you think would inspire and help others!

Regards,
D.
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D.

Last edited by peripatetic; 09-18-18 at 11:18 AM.. Reason: Typo
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  #2  
Old 09-18-18, 09:48 AM
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Re: Why are you not happy?

Daniel I almost NEVER watch youtube videos that are posted here. Almost never watch most of them at all but I listened to this one. Can you pm me the direct link so I can share this?
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Old 09-18-18, 11:20 AM
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Re: Why are you not happy?

https://youtu.be/p0p1fjLPjYQ
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Old 09-19-18, 09:36 AM
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Re: Why are you not happy?

Some of the absolute best advice I ever read:

"Only ask advice of someone who's successful in the area you are asking about."

You want relationship advice? Think carefully about the kind of relationship the person you are talking to has.

You want business advice? Talk to a successful businessperson.

You want a career mentor? Talk to someone who is where you want to be.

You want a good psychologist or psychiatrist (or clergyperson)? Hmm, that's tougher, but definitely do some research. Talk to others in the field, or even look at Yelp reviews. Scour their website. Look at how successful their practice is, how much energy they have when talking to you. Look at how happy the people in their waiting room seem to be. Pay attention to how at peace or not at peace you feel after a session, whether you are confident that their proposed solutions will successfully help you tackle your problems, or whether you go home and pick a fight with loved ones. But most of all, look at their life too. Can they relate to the problems you have? Are they too old, too young? If you're have marital problems, if you are struggling to raise young kids, are they happily married with kids, or are they an aging gay man? Nothing wrong with gay men, I'm just saying these are some questions that I wish I had asked myself along the way with some therapists.
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D.
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Old 09-19-18, 04:21 PM
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Re: Why are you not happy?

Great thread Daniel. I liked the video you linked a lot.

Do you mind if I ask you if you are happy and what kind of things you cut out of your life cause they didn't really add to your joy?

I liked the cutting out things that take away from your joy part of the video especially.

And I agree that getting advice from people who succeeded is a good idea but I'm not certain I would ignore advice from people that haven't yet succeeded. The best advice I've ever read on ADHD came from the people here, many of whom you wouldn't say have overcome their obstacles. Would I chose a therapist who's succeeded in their lives over one that hasn't, yeah probably. But your therapist likely doesn't have ADHD either so did not face the same challenges you do.
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Old 09-19-18, 06:07 PM
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Re: Why are you not happy?

Good points, AC/DC.

I would say the #1 thing I'm working on cutting out of my life that doesn't add to my joy is unhealthy/excessive internet use. Things like social media. And using my phone more than absolutely necessary.

I'm also working on not staying up til all hours. I'm not really doing things that bring me joy or accomplishment, more just mindlessly surfing the internet.

Things like that.

D.
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Breathing is not optional. - Dr. Raymond Wertheim

What do you care what other people think? - Arline Feynman, to her husband, American physicist Richard P. Feynman

D.

Last edited by Daniel1970; 09-19-18 at 06:08 PM.. Reason: Typos
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Old 09-20-18, 04:22 AM
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Re: Why are you not happy?

I don't know why but I am doing exactly the opposite of those 5 rules.

What now ?

Will I implode or die at 40 or anything ?


I am not happy but I can't say I am unhappy, very far from that.

Or am I cheating myslf ?
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Old 09-20-18, 05:27 AM
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Re: Why are you not happy?

Happiness is relative. I would say I am content most times.
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Old 09-21-18, 03:57 PM
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Re: Why are you not happy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by userguide View Post
I don't know why but I am doing exactly the opposite of those 5 rules.

What now ?

Will I implode or die at 40 or anything ?


I am not happy but I can't say I am unhappy, very far from that.

Or am I cheating myslf ?
That's interesting. I'm surprised about that. Do you think you'll implode someday?

I don't really know whether I am "happy". I'm definitely not unhappy. How can one tell the difference between being "happy" and not just "not unhappy"?
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Old 09-21-18, 04:04 PM
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Re: Why are you not happy?

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Originally Posted by acdc01 View Post
That's interesting. I'm surprised about that. Do you think you'll implode someday?

I don't really know whether I am "happy". I'm definitely not unhappy. How can one tell the difference between being "happy" and not just "not unhappy"?
Not sure, depends on if it's binary. If it is, then if you are non unhappy then you are happy.

Marcus Aurelius said not to seek happiness, but rather tranquility, which is an interesting thought.
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Breathing is not optional. - Dr. Raymond Wertheim

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D.
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Old 09-21-18, 04:28 PM
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Re: Why are you not happy?

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Originally Posted by acdc01 View Post
That's interesting. I'm surprised about that. Do you think you'll implode someday?

I don't really know whether I am "happy". I'm definitely not unhappy. How can one tell the difference between being "happy" and not just "not unhappy"?
For me, if I'm not unhappy or depressed I consider myself happy.

For me, it's a general "everything's is all right and even if it's not that's all right too." feeling.
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Old 09-21-18, 05:04 PM
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Re: Why are you not happy?

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For me, if I'm not unhappy or depressed I consider myself happy.

For me, it's a general "everything's is all right and even if it's not that's all right too." feeling.
Yeah, that's about right. I've accepted that even if things aren't ok, those are transitory feelings. I'm just trying to figure out exactly what it will take for me to feel "more alright" more of the time these days.

I think it's got something to do with being more ok to do and feel whatever I want without guilt. I got a hint of that freedom reading "The Four Agreements" and want to investigate that more.

D.
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Old 09-22-18, 08:46 PM
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Re: Why are you not happy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by acdc01 View Post
That's interesting. I'm surprised about that. Do you think you'll implode someday?

I don't really know whether I am "happy". I'm definitely not unhappy. How can one tell the difference between being "happy" and not just "not unhappy"?


I wouldn't tell if it's not or other ppl who tell me or show (not purposefully) how pathetic my life is.


That means I might have a very intricate matrix system that cheats me until destruction.
Like a parasite that 'cares' for its host until the end.
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Old 09-22-18, 08:50 PM
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Re: Why are you not happy?

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Originally Posted by DanielGM1970 View Post
I think it's got something to do with being more ok to do and feel whatever I want without guilt. I got a hint of that freedom reading "The Four Agreements" and want to investigate that more.

D.
This is interesting: almost all westen hapiness recipes come down to getting free from societal constructs they deem destructive and unfair. Like "guilt", "shame" and so on.
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Old 10-01-18, 03:15 PM
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Re: Why are you not happy?

As I've learned to deal with my ADHD, I've found it easier to live in a structured way with a linear timeline, as opposed to the usual ADHD concept of time, which is thinking you can do all things at once. If I have an extra-long "to-do" list, I don't hyper-focus on it, and I check things off when I can. Also, I try not to make to-do lists for situations I am not yet in. For example, if I'm at work, making a loooonnnnggg list of things I want to do when I get home is just going to frustrate me when I actually walk in that door and find out my kids, etc. demand a lot of other, unanticipated things, which sweep me up in that.

Inside a busy, structured, linear day, you can find little pockets of freedom and happiness, like Bach found immense freedom within the rigid structure of the fugue. You don't need endless hours of aimless time, which indeed isn't great for someone with ADHD (or other mental health issues).
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