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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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Old 05-24-19, 07:38 PM
Ski1020 Ski1020 is offline
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Relationship issues, anger issues, mood swings, and memory problems being blind to al

I dont know where to start the title sums it all up. I have both bad ADHD and Ptsd from my time in the military. I've been completely blind to the comorbid social and behavioral symptoms but I've always struggled with alcohol. Its always made me blind, this last year especially where I made excuse after excuse for having a tough year. I had 8 people die (2 natural 6 suicides) in an out of the military and I clutched hard on drinking. I was blind the whole time until my girlfriend made me realize what I became. I couldn't ever remember getting angry sober or drunk, I was constantly having mood swings (still am), I can never communicate because I cant control my emotions, and I can never remember anything. I just had a talk with my now assuredly ex gf and it came down to even if I am changing it wont be enough because I still can never remember anything.

Please tell me I'm not alone in dealing with personal (not my relationship) issues like these.
Does anyone have any advice outside of going to therapy and going sober which I've/ been doing? Trying to unwork a decade+ of habits
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Old 05-24-19, 07:57 PM
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Re: Relationship issues, anger issues, mood swings, and memory problems being blind t

I'm sorry you've had to deal with so much loss.
You coped the best way you could at the time.
Now you're looking for a better way. Good for you.

Mood swings and trouble with controlling our emotions is common in those
of us with adhd. We feel emotions more strongly than most people, and have
trouble filtering out what's really important, because everything feels important.

Meds and therapy are the best way to start. Have you used any stimulant meds?
It might help to add something for anxiety and moods, either a SSRI or Benzo.
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Old 05-24-19, 08:17 PM
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Re: Relationship issues, anger issues, mood swings, and memory problems being blind t

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ski1020 View Post
...I can never communicate because I cant control my emotions...
No one can control their emotions. Emotions come and go...the only thing people can choose to control is their behavior.

Communication is a skill that can be learned. I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. It is the best book on communication I have ever read, and it forever changed how I choose to communicate.

I've got a crap memory for the things I need to remember. I rely on every tool at my disposal to help me because meds only help so much and I have learned to not trust my memory at this point in my life.

I'm so sorry to hear about the PTSD. Earlier in my life I dealt with CPTSD, and though not exactly the same, the one thing they share is being hellish for the sufferer.

Best Wishes,
Ian
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Old 05-24-19, 08:23 PM
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Re: Relationship issues, anger issues, mood swings, and memory problems being blind t

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post
I'm sorry you've had to deal with so much loss.
You coped the best way you could at the time.
Now you're looking for a better way. Good for you.
Wise and kind words, and I second them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post
It might help to add something for anxiety and moods, either a SSRI or Benzo.
Benzos are usually off-limits for those who have abused alcohol.

Cheers,
Ian
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Old 05-24-19, 08:40 PM
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Re: Relationship issues, anger issues, mood swings, and memory problems being blind t

I don't have adhd (daughter does) but have an extremely bad memory. We joke that my mom dropped me on my head, she really did when I was a baby, but seriously my memory problems are outside of the normal range. I have reminders on my phone, sticky notes on the back of my phone, but still things slip by but these things do help. If I need to bring something to work the next day, right when I remember I put it in my car, or I'll likely forget in the morning. Things that happened in the years past are usually only vague memories too. Forgetting has caused me so much aggravation but it is what it is.

As far as mood swings, when my daughter was having really bad anxiety (maybe similar to ptsd as it stemmed from being bullied at school) she was raging and losing control, hiding in her closet and cowarding, feeling bugs beneath her skin, so some really alarming stuff. A therapist though it bipolar. But it was actually anxiety/panic attacks. She wouldn't remember later what she did when she lost control. She's on Zoloft and that helped but only about 50%. Therapy also helped, but it took a long time (she's 3 years in now). And lately mediation seems to be helping too.
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Old 05-25-19, 05:48 AM
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Re: Relationship issues, anger issues, mood swings, and memory problems being blind t

Have you considered getting help for the alcohol issue? It will always muck things up. I am sorry things are so tough for you now and thank you for your service. I know you said you wanted to hear something other than getting sober but as a recovering alcoholic myself I cant stress enough how it can give you clarity. Do you see a doctor or take any medications? Whatever you are feeling, it will be amplified by alcohol and when you are feeling anxious or depressed it is not the best substance to use. Have you ever tried to get sober?
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Old 05-25-19, 08:23 AM
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Re: Relationship issues, anger issues, mood swings, and memory problems being blind t

You are definitely not alone.
Although having a partner that is angry, mood swinging, surly and problematic doesn't sound like a great time.
The VA will help you if you ask.
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Old 05-25-19, 07:23 PM
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Re: Relationship issues, anger issues, mood swings, and memory problems being blind t

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Have you considered getting help for the alcohol issue?
I did, I went sober and have been going to therapy. I only take adderall 30mg

Last edited by namazu; 05-25-19 at 07:26 PM.. Reason: Fixed quote tag only.
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Old 05-29-19, 05:49 PM
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Not Sure I Should Be Offering Advice...

...Maybe just an idea and some encouragement.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ski1020 View Post
I did, I went sober and have been going to therapy. I only take adderall 30mg
First, IMO, getting sober is a huge step toward salvation, especially with all your demons, especially when so many others are unable to kick it. When you look in the mirror, remember to show some respect. You earned it.

The idea is just starting to practice "self-compassion." Whether you do it as part of a brief daily meditation practice (there are some free sample audio's at chrisgermer.com https://chrisgermer.com/meditations/), or just as an deliberate attitude adjustment whenever you realize you are being harsh with yourself, self-compassion reminds us to be as kind and compassionate to ourselves as we are to others when we are at our best. I have found it to be surprisingly powerful.

For a little heavy reading on Self-Compassion and PTSD, here's a PDF: https://chrisgermer.com/wp-content/u...ing-Trauma.pdf

I hope you (and others) can get some relief from trying this. I did.
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