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  #1  
Old 06-23-19, 06:40 PM
IrishmanUSA IrishmanUSA is offline
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New member in Pacific Northwest USA

So, here I am. I just turned 49. A couple weeks ago my wife left me for my former best friend. One of the last things she said to me was, "I love you, but I just can't be with you. I need to find myself, and I think that, to do that, I need to move on." Fortunately we do not have kids. We have been married for five years. I found out from mutual acquaintances that apparently my wife and my former best friend had been seeing each other for a couple months before she left me. I confronted my former best friend about it. That didn't go well--for either of us.



My former best friend is a manager at a local branch of a large regional supermarket chain. He makes about twice as much per year that I do.




I am trying to pick up the pieces.



Divorce is obviously in my future. My soon-to-be ex-wife has made it clear she wants to move on and wants nothing further to do with me. She planned her exit well. One day when I got home from work, I found that she had cleaned out the house of almost everything, including MY stuff that I had before we got together--including MY cat (Jasper, a gorgeous Maine Coon mix), who I had gotten as a kitten about a year or so before we started dating.


So, to answer the typical questions I've been getting from acquaintances: NO, I was not physically abusive; NO, I did not intentionally abuse my wife emotionally or verbally--although I guess some of my personal habits might have caused her concern, maybe? NO, I did not sleep around.


In fairness to my wife, I will say that I did have episodes of absent-mindedness and forgetfulness (missed dinner dates, forgotten anniversaries), times where I unintentionally tuned out when she was talking with me, or forgot something she had told me.


But I also had my moments of glory. While much of my life in construction is structured and regimented, I do have a spontaneous streak. There were times when I would come home from work on a Friday and surprise my wife with the news that we were going to visit one of her favorite local regional places for a few days--something I had planned well ahead of time (financially and with approved time off from my job) so as not to cause us any financial problems. She always enjoyed this aspect of my personality and she never complained about it. In fact, she even now says that was one of the things she liked about me.


I was also the only one in the household who worked at a "traditional" job. She is an "artist". She paints and sculpts, also plays music. So far she hasn't gained any recognition or made any money at it, but she is convinced that any day now she'll make her breakthrough. She definitely has some talent, no question about that.


I've been on ADHD meds for a few weeks now and my focus has improved somewhat, but my wife said it was "too little, too late". I was advised to see a doctor by my supervisor at work. My supervisor has a brother with ADHD and he said he saw some of the same things in me that he sees in his brother. I was due for my annual checkup and spoke with my doctor about the ADHD thing, and he gave me a referral to a mental health clinic that deals with ADHD in my area. When I went to the clinic and had my initial visit, it turned out I apparently ticked many of the boxes for ADHD.


So, anyway, here I am. I'm trying to figure out my next moves in life.
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Old 06-23-19, 07:06 PM
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Re: New member in Pacific Northwest USA

Welcome, Irishman!

I'm sorry to hear about your marriage.

(And your cat -- what the?! That's not right. )

I hope that the diagnosis and treatment will be helpful for you as you begin this new chapter in your life.

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Old 06-23-19, 07:47 PM
IrishmanUSA IrishmanUSA is offline
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Re: New member in Pacific Northwest USA

Quote:
Originally Posted by namazu View Post
Welcome, Irishman!

I'm sorry to hear about your marriage.

(And your cat -- what the?! That's not right. )

I hope that the diagnosis and treatment will be helpful for you as you begin this new chapter in your life.


Yeah, ironically that's one of the most hurtful parts of this stupid saga.
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Old 06-24-19, 04:10 AM
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Re: New member in Pacific Northwest USA

Hi and welcome to ADDF

Is the cat microchipped in your name? If so you can probably get him back if you fight for him in a court of law
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