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Old 01-02-13, 11:57 AM
Kamina369 Kamina369 is offline
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Sorry a couple more questions on intrusive thoughts.

Ok, I've read all your posts in the previous thread and I want to say thank you. But I have three questions.

First, my mom recently told me that my dad recently told her that he heard me say weird things in the shower that were of a violent or sexual nature. Now, I'm not a sexual sadist, so I'm guessing it may have to do with being hyper in that I'm not taking my Metadate CD this Christmas break. Thoughts?

Second, I want to discuss this other thought I had months ago. I don't know exactly what happened but my Mom and Dad I think were playfully arguing about something. Then, I had a thought of "What if my Dad started physically hitting her?" I then thought that if that happened, I would pick up a knife and stab him in order to protect her. My dad is not really a violent man, but the thing that really scares me is that the thought was (I think) both voluntary, and I was kind of numb to it. Thoughts are also welcome here.

And finally, on the issue of therapy, the problem is, I don't know what to do about that. I tried telling my mom once that I had intrusive thoughts and she started thinking that I was having crazy murderous thoughts. I feel too scared to describe intrusive thoughts to her (she is a hypochondriac). Again, thoughts would also be welcome.

P.S. I'm getting ready to write a story that is really violent (it's sci-fi and not realistic). Is thinking about the violence in this story a bad thing?
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Old 01-02-13, 12:36 PM
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Re: Sorry a couple more questions on intrusive thoughts.

I didnt read your other thread, but wanted to say there is an actual name for what you are discribing. Its call Harm OCD. There is a good movie to watch about this topic, if you havent already. Its called OC87: The Obsesive Compulsive, Major Depression, Bipolar, Asperger's Movie. Its about this guy named Bud Clayman who, to me, seemed to have mainly Aspergers and OCD.

One thing Bud's therapist did to help him overcome the discomfort of thinking harmful thoughts was to allow Bud to hold a small pocket knife just above the therapist's rist through out their session. Bud was able to feel the dicomfort of his intrusive thoughts all while realizing the thoughts weren't going to happen.

I dont think your thoughts of violence are bad. They are just thoughts. Maybe writing your book will be a good thing, kind of like how Bud's therapist helped him to realize that thinking violent thoughts didnt mean he would actually follow through with them. Maybe writing your book will help you to be able to think a thought and then let it go.
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Old 01-02-13, 01:38 PM
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Re: Sorry a couple more questions on intrusive thoughts.

I have always had these and until I came to this forum I thought everybody had these thoughts. Therefore they donīt bother me although I make sure I donīt dwell on horrible things happening to my kids or family.
I used to worry that if I thought too much I would act them out without thinking, never have though.
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Old 01-02-13, 01:55 PM
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Re: Sorry a couple more questions on intrusive thoughts.

I used to suffer from intrusive thoughts and I'm not using the word suffer lightly. They are really, really disturbing and freaked the hell out of me. I used to think there is something seriously wrong with me for having such horrible thoughts. I thought that either I was extremely disturbed or extremely evil.

Now, I have a few theories on intrusive thoughts. I'm not sure if they are valid or applicable to anyone but they make them less scary. I think, if ADHD is accompanied by racing and jumping thoughts then in any situation all kinds of thoughts go through our minds. The negative or abnormal ones are more likely to stand out purely because of their extreme nature. And ones a thought sticks, it's difficult to get rid of it, in particular if the thought freaks you out.

For example, if I'm chopping vegetables and hubby comes into the kitchen to talk to me I sometimes get this horrible thought of what would happen if I stabbed him with the knife I'm chopping my veggies with. it's not the only thought. I also think about cooking, the conversation with hubby, the weather, and a dozen other things, but this violent thought is the one that stands out because it scares me. And then I start obsessing about it. I start wondering why am I having this horrible thought, what's wrong with me, etc and that makes the thought just more intrusive and more persistent.

The interesting thing is that anti depressants have helped hugely with obsessive thinking. I always used to brood about everything and now I've stopped doing that. I think, the fact that I have less intrusive thoughts of a violent or devious nature now might mean that the intrusive thoughts earlier might have been another symptom of OCD. I still get those thoughts but I can ignore them and they don't linger.
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Old 01-02-13, 04:04 PM
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Re: Sorry a couple more questions on intrusive thoughts.

When I was around 17 I used to sit on the train to work and look at everyone on the train and decide how they would die and imagine it. Very few people were spared in my imagination. I just thought I was bored.
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Old 01-02-13, 08:05 PM
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Re: Sorry a couple more questions on intrusive thoughts.

The sexual intrusive thoughts are more worrying to me than the violent ones. You're not alone and you're not a monster. There's violence in my sci-fi too. Writing is a really good outlet. I make sure to off load all daily thoughts (in general; not violent/sexual) in an offline digital journal.
Also, give meditation a try. I have an app that has me tapping every time my music stops and it clears my head right up.
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Old 01-02-13, 11:19 PM
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Red face Re: Sorry a couple more questions on intrusive thoughts.

I never had sexual intrusive thoughts, but I did have really, really disturbing intrusive ones. Like I would be standing in a room and everyone was dead, and I was holding the knife. (Never knew if I was the one who killed them or not) They were very deeply disturbing for a 15 year old and they were chalked up to be caused by my very VERY severe GAD.
My psych put me on a anti-psychotic to deal with it about 2.5 years ago called "Geodon". I am currently taking 120mg and it made all the thoughts completely go away. So if you are ever going the medicine route, I would try that one.
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