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Old 02-05-19, 07:30 PM
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I'm often so angry and I don't know how to let go...

I'm starting to realize that I have a lot of pent up anger.

I hold grudges and harbor resentments. I get upset with someone, and then I stew over it and ruminate on it. I play it over and over in my head and I become bitter.
It can ruin an entire day for me...actually, it often ruins many days. I just keep stewing on it and thinking about it and fueling that anger.
I don't let go.

And then I walk around with all this anger.
And then because I hold onto these resentments...(I don't know how to word this)...It's like I'm pre-angry at people. So even if they're being nice and cool and everything, I have all these negative feelings towards them and I don't really even give them a chance. I'm on constant guard around them...angry and bitter and closed off.

...dang it...I'm a nice guy I think deep down inside. But gah...I really have a lot of anger issues.

I'd like to work on letting go. Like with my dad or a case manager I was working with last year...or my current therapist.
But I'm not sure how!
It's eating at me though. I'm walking around with a big chip on my shoulder, and it's making life feel overly intense...

Any ideas guys? What are some ways I can work on to release all this dang pent up anger?

I think if I could work on these resentments and this bitterness...life would be a bit easier for me.

I want to stop feeling so pi**ed off all the time. It puts a big damper on the big loving playful guy I am deep inside.
/sigh...
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Old 02-05-19, 08:03 PM
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Re: I'm often so angry and I don't know how to let go...

I can so relate. Yesterday I was so frustrated and angry at work so I decided to go to the beach with my husband and the dog. We had such a good time that I didn't care as much. Being ADHD distraction works. But there are some deep anger issues I know I need to deal with properly. It's like a rage below the surface. Hard to explain.
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Old 02-05-19, 09:46 PM
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Re: I'm often so angry and I don't know how to let go...

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Originally Posted by psychopathetic View Post
I'm starting to realize that I have a lot of pent up anger.

I hold grudges and harbor resentments. I get upset with someone, and then I stew over it and ruminate on it. I play it over and over in my head and I become bitter.
It can ruin an entire day for me...actually, it often ruins many days. I just keep stewing on it and thinking about it and fueling that anger.
I don't let go.

And then I walk around with all this anger.
And then because I hold onto these resentments...(I don't know how to word this)...It's like I'm pre-angry at people. So even if they're being nice and cool and everything, I have all these negative feelings towards them and I don't really even give them a chance. I'm on constant guard around them...angry and bitter and closed off.

...dang it...I'm a nice guy I think deep down inside. But gah...I really have a lot of anger issues.

I'd like to work on letting go. Like with my dad or a case manager I was working with last year...or my current therapist.
But I'm not sure how!
It's eating at me though. I'm walking around with a big chip on my shoulder, and it's making life feel overly intense...

Any ideas guys? What are some ways I can work on to release all this dang pent up anger?

I think if I could work on these resentments and this bitterness...life would be a bit easier for me.

I want to stop feeling so pi**ed off all the time. It puts a big damper on the big loving playful guy I am deep inside.
/sigh...
Maybe, consider some MMA training. Itís a great workout and you can take out your anger on a punching bag or heavy bag, grapple or even spar with someone if you want.
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Old 02-05-19, 09:53 PM
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Re: I'm often so angry and I don't know how to let go...

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Maybe, consider some MMA training. It’s a great workout and you can take out your anger on a punching bag or heavy bag, grapple or even spar with someone if you want.
That's a great idea...would really help release all this dang tension.

...I'm also thinking about picking up mindfulness here again soon. I was into it there for awhile a few years ago and practiced each day and it really did quite a lot for me. Not sure why I ever quit, and not sure why I haven't picked it back up...but I think this would help me too.
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Old 02-06-19, 06:23 AM
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Re: I'm often so angry and I don't know how to let go...

I come at if from a different angle. And part of it was an AA thing but I still do it. I write down the person/persons and write down each and every little resentment that I have. When I am all done, I write down my part in the resentment (with the exception of abuse I usually have a part) and then I study it for awhile. Sometimes I will call someone and tell them about it, sometimes I will burn it and throw it away. It doesnt always work but it nearly always does.
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Old 02-06-19, 11:12 AM
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Re: I'm often so angry and I don't know how to let go...

I was such a mean, nasty, angry, bitter, resentful, suspicious person when I was younger. It ate me ALIVE inside. Honestly, Iím thankful each day that my husband didnít just tell me to F-off; 29 years and going strong, he is still the love of my life.

Anyway...

The short version (and thereís never really a short version for meócan NEVER just get to the point!)óWhen I was in my early/mid 30s something clicked in my head to make me realize WHY I was so damn angry all the time. I had such a short fuse. NO patience for anyone/anything. I had also taken different antidepressants from 22 until some time in my 30ís.

I realized my anger stemmed from physical and emotional abuse from my mother/brother and sexual abuse from my brother. Being a military family, my dad wasnít around much.

I tried to talk with my mother about it when I was in my 30ís, hoping to get resolution and to just move onóto no avail.

Thereís a whole lot more I could say but let me just get to the end. What worked for me was:

-Cutting off all contact with my family
-Told myself Iím a grown ***** woman who doesnít need acceptance or approval from my family
-Found the right antidepressant (Wellbutrin). TOTAL life changer
-Looked at people around me to literally learn how to be more low key, laugh, appreciate LIFE, and be a NICER person.

Today, at 50, Iím not perfect. Iím still a suspicious person and I accept thatís just my personality. Iím still not like other people, but I can laugh easier and most importantly, Iím HAPPY with myself, my life. Iím positive and look at the bright side of bad situations nowóthereís ALWAYS a positive in there somewhere.

This didnít happen overnight and it took a lot of work. Being diagnosed ADHD last May explained a lot about my behaviors and personality when I was younger. I had a lot of bad coping mechanisms in place because of the ADHD. I only see that now.

Kasie
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Old 02-06-19, 04:53 PM
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Re: I'm often so angry and I don't know how to let go...

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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
I come at if from a different angle. And part of it was an AA thing but I still do it. I write down the person/persons and write down each and every little resentment that I have. When I am all done, I write down my part in the resentment (with the exception of abuse I usually have a part) and then I study it for awhile. Sometimes I will call someone and tell them about it, sometimes I will burn it and throw it away. It doesnt always work but it nearly always does.
I love this

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When I am all done, I write down my part in the resentment
This is the key to this exercise I think...and it's not something I'd of even considered.

I'm very much so planing on doing this. Thank you Sweets.

I think I'll suggest it in my group as well. It's just such a great idea!
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Old 02-06-19, 05:14 PM
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Re: I'm often so angry and I don't know how to let go...

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I was such a mean, nasty, angry, bitter, resentful, suspicious person when I was younger. It ate me ALIVE inside. Honestly, I’m thankful each day that my husband didn’t just tell me to F-off; 29 years and going strong, he is still the love of my life.

Anyway...
Quote:
The short version (and there’s never really a short version for me—can NEVER just get to the point!)
I love that you said this haha...because it's pretty much the story of my life! I struggle so much on these forums to keep things short!!

Quote:
—When I was in my early/mid 30s something clicked in my head to make me realize WHY I was so damn angry all the time. I had such a short fuse. NO patience for anyone/anything. I had also taken different antidepressants from 22 until some time in my 30’s.

I realized my anger stemmed from physical and emotional abuse from my mother/brother and sexual abuse from my brother. Being a military family, my dad wasn’t around much.

I tried to talk with my mother about it when I was in my 30’s, hoping to get resolution and to just move on—to no avail.
That's so rough I'm so sorry.
I have a friend who's gone through some stuff you describe here...and I admire her so much because despite all the abuse she's experienced...she's turned out to be an incredibly strong woman. She's one of the very few people on this earth I've shared some of my deepest secrets with (our friendship stemmed from being part of a support group we were a part of for years).

Quote:
There’s a whole lot more I could say but let me just get to the end. What worked for me was:

-Cutting off all contact with my family
-Told myself I’m a grown ***** woman who doesn’t need acceptance or approval from my family
Yeah, I think this is a huge point. Surrounding yourself with positive people. Cutting out the negative.
I feel a bit stuck right now though as I'm part of a group (a different one me and my friend were a part of)...and a lot of my negativity stems from this group. >.<' The 2 people who run the group, and a couple of the members. But I don't want to leave the group because dang it...it feels VERY important to me. I don't have a whole lot in my life right now.
So I don't know what to do here. I'm hoping I can figure some things out to let go of some of my resentments and bitterness with these people.

Quote:
-Found the right antidepressant (Wellbutrin). TOTAL life changer
Yeah I just started taking a mood stabilizer a year or 2 ago...when before that I was completely against the idea...and it makes such a HUGE difference!
My adderall for my adhd helps a ton too...I'm just less of a withdrawn grump usually when I'm on it...being social is easier.

Quote:
-Looked at people around me to literally learn how to be more low key, laugh, appreciate LIFE, and be a NICER person.
There's a few people in my life (like a life coach I'm working with) that absolutely make me feel a whole heck of a lot more mellow. Like I can relax around them and don't have to be on constant guard. I don't have to worry about them disliking me, or judging me...and it's great. It's nice to be able to just relax and breath.

Quote:
Today, at 50, I’m not perfect. I’m still a suspicious person and I accept that’s just my personality. I’m still not like other people, but I can laugh easier and most importantly, I’m HAPPY with myself, my life. I’m positive and look at the bright side of bad situations now—there’s ALWAYS a positive in there somewhere.

This didn’t happen overnight and it took a lot of work. Being diagnosed ADHD last May explained a lot about my behaviors and personality when I was younger. I had a lot of bad coping mechanisms in place because of the ADHD. I only see that now.

Kasie
This is perhaps my biggest hurdle in life for me. Forgiving myself. Letting myself be happy with ME.
This is super difficult for me, as there's things about me and my past that I refuse to forgive. Refuse to let myself forget.
For years I've felt like if only I could forgive myself...i'd be pretty much unstoppable! lol...but dang. It's tough.

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Thank you so much for your post!
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Old 02-06-19, 05:56 PM
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Re: I'm often so angry and I don't know how to let go...

There's things I get angry about, sadly anger does not help
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Old 02-07-19, 12:27 AM
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Re: I'm often so angry and I don't know how to let go...

In some ways I wonder if I can hold onto my anger to feel safe. So if someone goes for me I can tap into it to defend myself

I live in fear way too much. I also fear if I let go of the anger people will take advantage of me or abuse me which is the reason I'm so angry in the 1st place
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Old 02-07-19, 12:36 AM
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Re: I'm often so angry and I don't know how to let go...

Psycho,

I forgot to mention that a healthy dose of Eminem helps me a lot. Seriously

I tried to be brief earlier so I want to explain that it wasnít easy to cut off contact with my family. I donít want to come off as those people who tell a depressed person to just be happy. It was a process. That process churned a lot of angeróuntil one day I just BLEW.

For some reason after I blew, it released everything inside me that was holding me back. Generally speaking. Iíve always been self conscious, low self esteem, paranoid that I had boogers or something if someone looked at me a moment too long. Suddenly, I just didnít give A F.

I learned that I could say No to people, and it was ok. People who ďwrongedĒ meóI stood up and spoke my mind, in a measured way. Itís still difficult sometimes. My general attitude though is, if you donít like me for whatever reason, or cr@p on me, etc., thatís about You, not Me...and I donít give A F! (And then I listen to a little Eminem or A certain Big Sean song). Iíll PM you with what has really become my mantraóItís the chorus line from a Big Sean song. Itís mostly/a lot of curse words so I canít put it here (and if youíre offended by colorful language, donít read the pm).

So, as far as those couple of ppl giving you grief on the other forumóF them! Dude, donít give them that power over you. Ppl who act like that, well, they are just trolls with issues. So donít let other people make THEIR SH-T YOUR SH-T.

When you say you donít have a whole lot in your life right now, it breaks my heart. I know that helpless, lonely feeling. Somehow, some way, try to find 2 positive things in your lifeóanything. Can you tell me what they are? The fact that you have a life coach who makes you feel ok to be in your own skin is awesome. So...you should focus more on that. Itís positive. Try to keep your mind occupied with positive things, experiences and people that bring a smile to your face.

And lastly, you say you REFUSE to forgive yourself. Clearly we donít know each other and I couldnít possibly know what experience(s) youíre talking about, but...You didnít corner the market on bad choices or behaviors. You MUST cut yourself some slack. Whatever it is, itís ok to let it go and get on with living your life. I have things in my past like that, I do still think about them a couple times a year. They embarrass me. I feel ashamed. But I quickly put it out of my mind. Live life for today, working toward your future and happiness. Donít wither and waste away dwelling on things you canít change. Move forward, not back.

Iíve been long winded again. Ugh

Hugs Psycho,

Kasie
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Old 02-07-19, 01:00 AM
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Re: I'm often so angry and I don't know how to let go...

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In some ways I wonder if I can hold onto my anger to feel safe. So if someone goes for me I can tap into it to defend myself

I live in fear way too much. I also fear if I let go of the anger people will take advantage of me or abuse me which is the reason I'm so angry in the 1st place
Just WOW.

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Old 02-07-19, 03:58 AM
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Re: I'm often so angry and I don't know how to let go...

Thanks for posting this Psycho I managed to verbalise it now so I can work on it.
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Old 02-07-19, 06:55 PM
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Re: I'm often so angry and I don't know how to let go...

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Psycho,

I forgot to mention that a healthy dose of Eminem helps me a lot. Seriously
haha I really like Eminem believe it or not! I'm like the last person you'd think would listen to him...but dang, say what you want...the man's a genius! And a lot of his songs are just dang catchy.

Quote:
So, as far as those couple of ppl giving you grief on the other forumóF them! Dude, donít give them that power over you. Ppl who act like that, well, they are just trolls with issues. So donít let other people make THEIR SH-T YOUR SH-T.
They're not actually people from an online forum...but rather people in the boring 3D world that I attend a face to face group with.
They work at a therapy center which I've been a part of most my life off and on.

My mom passed away in May of 2017, then half a year later my dad had a second major heart attack and decided to move to a city 550 miles away to go stay with some family.
I've live a VERY sheltered life. Though I wasn't living with my parents, I did rely on them heavily. And my mom spoiled the heck out of me. They let me use their spare car (and my mom would often keep the gas filled for me!), there was many months where I didn't need to spend a single penny on groceries cause my parents fed me so well, and anytime an unexpected expense came up...they'd cover it for me.
I realize that I'm a spoiled brat.
But it was way more than just money. My mom was my best friend. We did so much together! Had so much fun! We'd try to make it up into the mountains once a week during the summers and sit out by a lake and enjoy a campfire and each other's company for an entire evening. Or we did a lot of shopping together and we had fun doing it! We'd take our time and we were always pointing cute things out to each other...and we were both a couple of children and ALWAYS made it a point to go down all the toy aisles! lol
And my mom was someone I could vent to. I sometimes felt bad for her cause I'd tell her all the things wrong I'd do...but dang...I could trust her! I knew she wouldn't tell anyone, and I knew she wouldn't hate me. She would get upset and sometimes have some pretty stern words for me...but she'd never give up on me.
And she was my rock! She was my soldier! She had my back ALWAYS with NO question or hesitation. It's something I've struggled greatly with since her passing. I had no idea how important it was to have that in my life until it was gone . I don't really have anyone in the 3D world that would stand up for me through thick and thin like my mom did.
And she did so much of the 'behind the scenes' stuff in my life. She'd set u appointments for me and keep track of them on a calandar and remind me when they were coming...or she'd make important phone calls for me so I didn't have to, and she'd fill out any paperwork I needed to do.

It's just been tough. Losing both my parents. I've never had to do things on my own before.
I'm happy to say that right now I'm pretty stable.

But my point I was going to make (haha sorry for the huge ramble!) is that I feel like I need this support/therapy group. I need the support and assistance I receive through the facility. I don't have friends I hang out with...my mom was really the only person I mostly ever hung out with...and so I need the group for that as well...a way to keep me from shutting down and isolating...something I've struggled with quite a bit in my past.

I don't know what would happen if I quit this group and was no longer receiving services from this place...but it feels like it'd be really bad.

So I can't just cut the people in this group out of my life completely.
I have taken some rather big steps though. Like one of the guys who helps run it was my case manager for awhile...only he was VERY insensitive and repeatedly treated me like a complete imbecile. He also kept telling me he could and would help me with things...then never follow through with them.
It was a huge source of stress and frustration for me.
I finally had enough and called him...and very calmly (I'd really proud of how calm and collected I was!) called him and literally told him that I was firing him. That if there was no other case manager I could work with at the facility then I'd like to go without one because I felt having no case manager, was better then having him as my case manager.

I don't let him get under my skin NEARLY as much as I use to. It's like he no longer has that power over me. I can roll my eyes at him without fear anymore. He's MUCH easier to brush off now.

....
Gah...I talk too much .
lol I also realize that I'm kind of throwing myself a pity party and feeling all bad for myself. I'm not sure if that's wrong or unhealthy...but I do know it feels good to type up once in awhile. It's like a little bit of a release.


Quote:
When you say you donít have a whole lot in your life right now, it breaks my heart. I know that helpless, lonely feeling.
Awww, thank you. (((Hugs))) I appreciate the understanding and empathy.

Quote:
Somehow, some way, try to find 2 positive things in your lifeóanything. Can you tell me what they are?
Oh yes...definitely! I don't mean to make it out that there's nothing good going for me in life. I am VERY fortunate compared to so many people who struggle. There are SO many doors open to me, and SO much support that I have available.
I'm not real religous...but I really do wonder if there isn't something beyond me who's been helping me along through my entire life.

...I'm very much so grateful for my life coach. She's amazing...I've been working with her for 3 or 4 months now, and omg...I feel like I've needed someone like her in my life...ever since I was a kid.
And she's super non-judgmental, and she's very skilled at pushing me into doing things...without doing it in a way that I feel like she's trying to make me do it, or like she'll be upset if I don't do it. When people push me, I tend to become stubborn and then start to resent them.
This hasn't happened with her so far.

...And my dad. I love him to death. He hasn't been the greatest friend in the world...but dam I do love him...and he's always provided for me...he's busted his but off to make ends meet, and he's always been there for me when I've needed help financially.
I'm glad he's still alive. I feel like I lost him too when he moved...but at least I get to call him anytime I want still.
It's one of the things I miss most. Just calling my mom. Not talking about anything really. Just saying hi. We did it almost everyday...just little check-ins.

But yeah, I could list a long list of positive things in my life right now.
I'm pretty darn stable mentally in my life right now.


...
Bleh. I'm sorry for such a long post. haha I struggle trying to keep my posts short on these forums sometimes. I can't tell you the number of times I've typed up big long posts...then decided it was way too long, so deleted the post and started over. >.<; I talk too much!


Thank you for your support! <3

(((((((Kasie)))))))
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Old 02-07-19, 07:04 PM
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Re: I'm often so angry and I don't know how to let go...

Quote:
Originally Posted by tudorose View Post
In some ways I wonder if I can hold onto my anger to feel safe. So if someone goes for me I can tap into it to defend myself

I live in fear way too much. I also fear if I let go of the anger people will take advantage of me or abuse me which is the reason I'm so angry in the 1st place
This is a really good point.

And thinking about it...I think anger helps to protect us, not just physically...but mentally and emotionally as well.
It keeps us from letting ourselves be relaxed and vulnerable around the people we're angry with...keeps them distant. They can still hurt us (emotionally)...but our anger acts as a barrier.

I don't know wtf I'm trying to say.

...it made sense to me before I tried putting words to it! haha

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