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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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  #1  
Old 03-03-19, 05:38 PM
Drogheda98 Drogheda98 is offline
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should I tell my biological father I love him

like, I understand the dynamics of the oedepul complex and the resolution of it, the reward is a mentalized super ego (the *commander*(might find another word) of the ship(self) so to speak)

what I'm wondering though, I don't agree with my dad with a lot of things, but he has always been their for me. I don't get to see him a lot, but still, he isn't my mom who is just commanding me all the time (yup probably need to find another conceptualized word for the super ego in my head, anyway)

and I understand the importance between the relationship with the parents, a sentiment echoed by my therapist (everyone comes from a good place, my father and my mother, even though my mother seems overbearing, she still loves me deep down, kind of a mantra for healing and why I don't hate her but feel for her, the way of empathy)

but, sense I have a mentalized super ego, and sensed the super ego comes from the father figure.... and well, I have my own super ego mentalized in my head, I was wondering, should I tell my bio dad something like "I love you father". would that help to heal the enternal wound and help maturity of my super ego?
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Old 03-03-19, 05:44 PM
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Re: should I tell my biological father I love him

I don't know if it would help heal anything but I think you should tell him anyway. Without any expectations or hopes. If that how you feel tell him. There might be relief and comfort in telling him or maybe there won't be but it's definition worth trying.
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Old 03-03-19, 09:26 PM
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Re: should I tell my biological father I love him

What does your wise intuition think you should do?
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Old 03-03-19, 09:43 PM
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Re: should I tell my biological father I love him

Reverse your thinking. It is not your job to be the parent. That's his job. You are not dealing with normal family situation here.
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Old 03-04-19, 12:35 AM
Drogheda98 Drogheda98 is offline
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Re: should I tell my biological father I love him

what I'm thinking of is loving the spirit of the father to further help maturation of the inner super ego now that I have that already mentalized in myself.
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Old 03-04-19, 06:10 AM
Drogheda98 Drogheda98 is offline
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Re: should I tell my biological father I love him

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Originally Posted by CharlesH View Post
What does your wise intuition think you should do?

it worked. btw, my therapist said to do just that, so your not arguing with me but by proxy my therapist. I'll take his words over yours charles.

from DID to the complex to neurocis to healing the inner 2 year old I pulled from the unconcious. I did all of that through 100 pages of ncbi material and my therapist. intuition, for me is "why am I looking up the next paper, oh thats why because the next paper is exactly what I needed to read"

pshychology is the study of the soul, the soul, is the father for men. when you look up what is good for you you realize that you are on your way, the soul is to heal the ego and through doing that to figure out what it is(2 seperate things) and I have, done that through intuition, but also help.

as far as boundaries, boundaries start in the family unit (looked it up, wasn't sure and was right, intuition) the reason enmeshment follows those with enmeshment problems is with no boundaries in the family, thus, I started. I have a better relationship with everyone, knowing were I stand, and were my family members stand. I have boundaries routed in empathy and emotion (thanks to the help from joel to crack the neurosis to the nucleon for healing)

and now can lead my life unmeshed by the family.

to put in retrospect, in about 4 weeks I went from DID, to waining of the complex, to neurocis to the core wound to healing the core wound cause, I followed my intuition.

I hope I answered your question charles. the board is used for healing by all of the people who come here. however I have boundaries now and I will not squander them (heh, something I learned before, to break free of emmeshment you have to scatter them, to feel emmotions you have to do the same. it's in the leaterature that is easy to look up.

lets focus on healing instead of squabbling. because we all need that.
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Old 03-04-19, 06:35 AM
CharlesH CharlesH is offline
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Re: should I tell my biological father I love him

I'm editing my post, because I see that OP posted a reply just a few minutes ago.

OP - I'm unfortunately having some trouble understanding what you're saying. I'm not familiar with some of the (Freudian?) terminology that you're using, and also I'm tired. Overall, you seem to satisfied with what happened, and I'm happy for you. And as you said, it's good to follow your therapist's advice!
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Old 03-04-19, 06:42 AM
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Re: should I tell my biological father I love him

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Originally Posted by CharlesH View Post
What does your wise intuition think you should do?
Drogheda, I'm bad at deciphering tone but I thought Charles asked a genuine question and didn't mean to snipe or am I missing something?
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Old 03-04-19, 06:58 AM
CharlesH CharlesH is offline
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Re: should I tell my biological father I love him

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Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 View Post
Drogheda, I'm bad at deciphering tone but I thought Charles asked a genuine question and didn't mean to snipe or am I missing something?
Yeah, I'm also confused. Drogheda - perhaps I'm misinterpreting your tone, but it seems like you were upset with my earlier comment. If I did something inappropriate earlier, then I apologize.

Anyway, I need to go to bed now (it's 6am!). Drogheda - once again, I'm glad to hear it went well for you!
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Old 03-04-19, 01:32 PM
Drogheda98 Drogheda98 is offline
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Re: should I tell my biological father I love him

ahh, if so I'm sorry charles.

I guess I was reminded by some childhood taunts (not with the intuition just, sort of taunts)

heh, ya inflection is hard to grasp via the inter-web.

so please accept my apology
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Old 03-04-19, 02:50 PM
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Re: should I tell my biological father I love him

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Originally Posted by Drogheda98 View Post
ahh, if so I'm sorry charles.

I guess I was reminded by some childhood taunts (not with the intuition just, sort of taunts)

heh, ya inflection is hard to grasp via the inter-web.

so please accept my apology
No worries! Looking back, I can see how my comment could have been interpreted differently!
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