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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

 
 
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Old 05-29-14, 01:08 AM
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mrs. dobbs mrs. dobbs is offline
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messy home anxiety

Our one bedroom apartment is a mess. Stacks of papers, toys (naturally), parts from a project I am working on, clothes everywhere, recycling, etc.

My husband works and I don't (officially) so there is an unspoken agreement that I clean by default. I am also busy trying to make something happen in my life but it feels like a joke to others. That could just be my assumption though.

My husband suffers from depression and I got my dxes as shown below (plus hypothyroidism). I am tired all of the time because I can't sleep properly and toot still wakes up several times per night and now I have killer allergies (during winter is was SAD).

Me and toot toot sleep on the couch for a month or two now because I am allergic to my bedroom. I am zonked out on allergy meds and dysfunctional and perhaps moody from trying Ritalin LA.

I feel like I can't get on top of the mess in here. I am meeting with an occupational therapist in a week or so. I don't have any friends or family here to help out when I am in a rut. Everyone who comes over, I have to clean up first. Some people are easier than others. But anyone showing up makes me panic. I feel like I am in trouble and it's disgusting in here even though it isn't. It's just messy.

People want to come over and I feel overwhelmed and it creates big problems. I can't reciprocate when people have me over.

My husband and I just had a big fight because I felt like an ******* saying that I couldn't deal with family staying over on short notice tonight (durprise!) because I am so sick and overwhelmed and they would be taking the kids somewhere and we can't afford it.

It is a holiday and he was thinking to work today instead and leave me here by myself to take care of toot toot and clean everything (including moving off of the couch, undusting our room wearing a face mask, changing bedding, washing dusty clothes, putting stuff in boxes and plastic bags) before family comes.

I was feeling so ****** and guilty at the same time. As parents say...it is a "don't put me in this position!" situation because now because of me, toot and papa can't see little cousin and uncle and go to the zoo together (a last minute plan which we also could not afford)

I was already punching elevator walls yesterday and had finally felt happer ... yesterday afternoon...that today is a holiday... but my anger and anxiety and guilt brought me down so hard that now it feels like a nightmare instead of a holiday and I don't want to spend it alone with my husband.

But this is also a common situation for me to get freaked out about people coming over.

I grew up in a messed up beyond messy home and I am sure my place doesn't look like that but I feel freaked out about letting people in when it is dirty here. It's too much stress and confusion and anxiety. But it is also messing up my relationships.
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Dx: ADHD, PTSD, OCD & other stuff.
Also: Derealization disorder (19 years and running)
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