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  #1  
Old 04-01-07, 06:19 PM
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What not to say to a depressed person-what to say/do instead

Don't take it personally-You are really hurting-then hug and hold them.
Try not to be upset by it-I am so sorry this has upset you, how can I help?
It is not so bad-This must feel pretty bad, you are strong, we can get through it together.
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Old 04-02-07, 12:57 PM
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VisualImagery -

I think I understand: The first "half" of your sentence is an example of what NOT to say, followed by a hyphen - and then the second "half" (after the hyphen) is what TO SAY (or do) instead. Correct?

And if I'm understanding you correctly, I AGREE! THOSE ARE GOOD SUGGESTIONS!! Nobody likes to be told how they SHOULD feel. I believe when people say some of those unhelpful things to a depressed person it is because they are unenlightened. For example - many of my older relatives, like my grandmother, great aunts, etc. will usually reply to any emotional statements with one of those unhelpful remarks. In fact - it is such the norm in both of my parents' extended families that I often just kinda assume that THAT was the socially acceptable way to respond to things. ?????? Ya think?

What's really bad is when you find yourself working with a therapist and he or she comes out with one of those UNHELPFUL replies. Ever been there?

Sue

P.S. V.I. How's it goin with all the work crap, etc.? I'd love to hear from you. Please message me if you ever get a minute. I feel invested in your having a "Victorious" outcome! Actually - I'm MOST interested in your working in a non-abusive, enlightened, supportive environment. It's the LEAST you deserve.
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Old 04-08-07, 11:11 AM
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The one I hated the most was people pointing out how wonderful my life was - all it did was make me feel not only depressed, but ungrateful, as well!
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Old 04-08-07, 03:34 PM
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Faylen, I totally agree with you ... That is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves... I usually walk away at that point and try to deal with my feelings....
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Old 06-07-07, 05:25 AM
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One time this person I know said to me, do you have sibling's? I said yes. He said Is she happy? I said yes. Then he said, good, then be like her. He and other people started laughing. Can you believe that? How could they find that funny and then laugh in your face
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Old 06-07-07, 11:15 AM
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"Just cheer up." If I could do that so very easily I wouldn't be depressed in the first place you twit!
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I'm really glad that worked. Those would have been terrible last words.
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Old 06-07-07, 12:15 PM
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My personal fave is "Stop dwelling on it" and I would prefer to hear something along the lines of "I can see this weighs pretty heavy on your mind, I am sorry you are in pain".
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Old 06-07-07, 05:36 PM
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ever heard...you'll get over it.aaaahhhh...im in it!!!lol

Visual:You do come up with some good stuff
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Old 06-15-07, 03:14 PM
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I always get a kick out of telling people how wrong they are when they make a statement like this: "She just wants attention thatís why sheís talking about suicide, the ones who talk about it never do it."


I say, "Yep thatís all I ever heard my mom talk about until the rope around her neck shut her up".

Last edited by tammyfh; 06-15-07 at 03:15 PM.. Reason: copy and paste didn't work
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Old 06-17-07, 06:44 PM
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I don't bother talking to anyone about my depression anymore....no one listens and why should they when they have their own issues

Selena
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Old 06-17-07, 09:00 PM
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I guess one of the other most hated phrases is : Just snap out of it.

I've heard that when I've been (not clinically) depressed and it annoyed the heck out of me even then, so it must be REALLY useless with someone who is seriously depressed.

I really like the alternative "do says" that were suggested, they really speak to the person's current state.
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Old 06-17-07, 09:24 PM
Crazygirl79 Crazygirl79 is offline
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I agree with Crime Scene....that "snap out of it" comment can be really insensitive and unhelpful and I've had it said to me many times and I've just wanted the ignorant person fair in the nose (mind you I haven't actually gone that far)

Selena
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Old 06-18-07, 01:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crime_scene
I guess one of the other most hated phrases is : Just snap out of it.
Yup, it's ignorance. That's when you recommend some good books about depression. It never occurred to me to tell anyone who is sick to "snap out of it", but when a close relative was going through a clinical depression, I hit the books and realized how little I actually knew about it - especially depression with anxiety / agitation.
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Old 06-18-07, 05:15 PM
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I just discovered this website today. Seemed appropriate for the thread (especially since when we're depressed, we feel so invalidated!) Plus, one of the first phrases listed is the one mentioned in the previous post.

The number of times I've been told I"m too old to be feeling what I'm feeling, or that I'm overreacting, or that I'm selfish (I'm probably the least selfish person I know. . . most of the time). I hate it!

http://www.eqi.org/invalid.htm#Examp...%20expressions
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  #15  
Old 06-18-07, 06:32 PM
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That's terrible TygerSan - isn't it. I KNOW those comments all too well. Like somehow, IF they catch wind of my depression (because my family's trained me VERY WELL not to talk to THEM about it) - somehow it becomes something ABUSIVE that *I* am doing TO THEM!

Luv it!

Sue
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