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Old 05-20-15, 12:56 PM
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procrastination and living small

I was landing in a city where I live, and there was this slight shock when I noticed everything has grown into everything else, the spaces I used to know have been filled with buildings and things. Hardly surprising from an intellectual viewpoint, but there was something unsettling about this, as recently it has become evident that my personal space /flat/ is not really mine, the ownership is in question, and while everything was getting filled in, everything became kind of became expensive. This was the fear that struck me in the final approach.

Again hardly surprising, simply the lumpsum effect of diverted attention and procrastination to the power of n. Forever getting ready to do something, to get clear and move forward as one recent thread was titled. I have worked and practiced to allow myself stoptime, to stop the busyness, the junk thought processes, what ifs and why nots. PP. Positive procrastination I call it. Or simply intense relaxation, meditation. Even so, getting clear with what I want to do has not quite revealed itself. At best, a series of freeze frame revelations that you I can almost piece into something whole. Evidently, the smelly kind of procrastination is the LCD, living vicariously, semi-realized intentions while the clock goes on ticking, is more an accurate description.

I have a job finally, or again where I meetup and talk to people. These people do different things professionally, have different lives, interests, different personalities, and the like. Sometimes they are interesting, engaging, sometimes not so much, but they invariably have some consistency of execution. Certainly this allows them to do things, have some momentum of execution.

Conceivably, they too are procrastinating on things they secretly want to do, and not doing. Maybe they are stuck in being busy, something I am also guilty of. It's just that I have so little to show of this. When I am in the positive mindset mode, it doesn't matter, it's just another judgement I can ignore, distract myself from or let go of. Lately though I am not so sure. I wake up in a slight sweat, images of the final approach, and there where I thought I lived is no longer mine, and the space around me is all used up.
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Old 05-20-15, 01:04 PM
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Re: procrastination and living small

I understand koni. Delusions of permanence can be a real drag when the permanence is no longer.

I wish you well.
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Old 05-26-15, 12:29 AM
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Re: procrastination and living small

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1000koni View Post
there was something unsettling about this
This "fish out of water" feeling is pretty "normal". I have felt it before.

Quote:
Forever getting ready to do something, to get clear and move forward as one recent thread was titled.
Welcome to the world of ADHD. Life long struggle. I have several urgent things to do that I'm procrastinating from.

Truth. You have to make it urgent. You have to feel like the house is on fire. Or, you need something like a "red bull" (or maybe prescribed medication)?

I have some very important things to do. I hate the consequences of procrastination.
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Disclaimer: I've not been medicated. I know meds work for some ppl but not how well they work. By default my bias is to work with not against our nature. Do what works for you.
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