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Old 04-13-10, 10:00 PM
ADDangel ADDangel is offline
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ADD is all in my head and I just need to 'deal' with it

I'm so frustrated right now... I have not been diagnosed with ADD but am hoping to see a psychiatrist soon as I have about 95% of the symptoms. I'm looking for relief from the emotional pain and anxiety that I have been dealing with for the past 6 years. I was told I have depression and have been taking zoloft but don't feel like the zoloft is really helping me. I know it works to some point because if I miss a day or two I get very irritable and break down emotionally. I'm usually pretty good as long as I keep taking the zoloft but I still don't feel like I am as happy as I should/could be.

After reading a bit about ADD I am pretty sure this is what I have. My husband feels that I am just looking for a quick fix and am willing to take any medication at all that will make me happy. He is telling me that I need to learn how to deal with my emotional issues (ADD or not) and that they will go away if I work hard enough to get rid of them. I'm feeling frustrated because I truly don't feel I can deal with the issues Honestly, I'm tired of trying to deal with them and I just want relief now!

I have a hard time making decisions on my own and always look to others to make decisions for me. However, I don't believe that I can deal with my issues like my husband is saying I can. But I'm wondering if he's right... am I better off dealing with/working through the issues (or just simply living with them) or will the meds actually help. He claims they will do more harm than good and I'm crazy to even think about taking them. He's making me feel like I'm taking the easy way out... and of course I'm feeling guilty about this, I'm feeling anxious, frustrated and I'm hurt because I don't think he "really" knows what I'm going through. I get the impression that he just thinks this is all in my head and I just need to give my head a shake and stop acting so silly.

I don't know what to do... Am I looking for the easy way out or is he just too damn stuborn to believe that I need medication. For someone who has ADD, can they deal with it without taking the meds?
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Old 04-13-10, 10:17 PM
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Re: ADD is all in my head and I just need to 'deal' with it

Oh man, just reading your post aggrevates me! However, this is an all too common response for non ADDers, and in some respects, understandable. BUT, that doesn't mean it's right/ok. My husband is an engineer and is very logic based, and as I started to discover that I did indeed have ADHD, I started to discuss it. For me, what really seemed to help was provide him factual information on the subject particularly the lists of typical symptoms....when he read the descriptions, there was no way he could deny it! Just last night, I had him listen to some of the Russell Barkley clips that were posted....the one that really resonated with us was his comment about "MDD....motivation deficit disorder". Now he understands why I struggle with working out....

As I said, this is unfortunately a very common reaction, but hopefully with time and information, he will come around. But please, do NOT let him deter your efforts to get treatment!
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Old 04-13-10, 10:22 PM
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Re: ADD is all in my head and I just need to 'deal' with it

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Originally Posted by ADDangel View Post
I don't know what to do... Am I looking for the easy way out or is he just too damn stuborn to believe that I need medication. For someone who has ADD, can they deal with it without taking the meds?
First step is to get diagnosed so that you know what you're dealing with.

Your husband sounds like he cares about you and is frustrated that he can't help so then lectures you thinking it will help. All the intentions are there.

Thing is if you have ADHD you don't have the capacity to work on issues effectively until you either know you have it and or are put on medication. It's hard to fix things if the brain won't work.

You need to make this decision for yourself and get some help. He will see in time that medication helps and he'll come around. My husband was the most anti medication person I'd met and as much as he'd like me to be able to go off medication he realises that I can't until I don't have so much responsibility in my life.

He does care about you he just sounds like he's NT and feeling frustrated. Medication doesn't bring relief - it brings a lot of distress when you're suddenly confronted with the reality of the world. Problem is that athough it's not nice it is necessary.
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Old 04-14-10, 03:45 AM
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Re: ADD is all in my head and I just need to 'deal' with it

*hugs* X a million!!

Here is my contribution to you. I really hope it helps.


1. The purpose of anti-depressants is to help you be functional enough to help yourself.

In high school, did you ever lift up a friend's backpack while they were walking...
and then drop it again to see them lurch back?

Anti-depressants are like the friend lifting up your backpack.
They lighten the load on your shoulders for a bit, so you can figure out what you need to do to get better.

It starts with "self-help."
You look at what is causing your depression/anxiety, figure out possible solutions,
and try them until you find ones that work. (Things that make you happier!!)

But if anti-depressants are the only thing you use to combat your depression,
not taking them is like the friend dropping the backpack again. Ouch.


2. Your husband is understandably upset that his love is not enough to make you happy.
Help him help you, by telling him what you need him to do.
Understanding may be too much for him right now.
Actions are a lot easier!

For example, maybe you'd like a nice massage.
Maybe you'd like him to take you out on a romantic evening.
Are there any old friends you haven't seen in awhile?
Plan a night you'll all enjoy~

I recommend comedy clubs!
I always go home feeling lighter.

These are things he can actually do to help you feel better.

3. Decision-making is NOT a quality that every person has!!!!
I wish I could express to you how damaging this mentality is...
the modern belief that every human being must be good at every single thing.

It defeats the purpose of teamwork.
It also defeats the purpose of families. =(

A person only has to make all their own decisions if they have no one in their lives that they trust.
Truly successful people specialize in what they are best at.
For everything else, they ask people they know well, respect, and trust.


Figure out what you're good at. And then figure out what you're bad at.
Then do the same for your husband.

Then just try to do the things you're good at most of the day!
You'll find you have less time to do stuff you aren't good at, and therefore don't enjoy.
Which can be amazing for your happiness level.

It's normal to occasionally get mad at someone for not doing something as well as you do it.
But when the other person reminds you, "Hey, you know I'm not good at ____!"
Then a nice person should apologize for forgetting, and for getting mad.
Because everybody has different talents.


I hope these tips work for you. ^_^


P.S. - You may save money and get extra help faster by looking for a local social worker, pastor, or counselor to coach you through self-care techniques. You might even ask a family member or friend...that's what they're there for!!
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Old 04-14-10, 08:36 AM
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Re: ADD is all in my head and I just need to 'deal' with it

He is right to some degree. If you have ADHD, the meds should help you manage the symptoms associated with that but they won't fix you emotionally. The things in life that made you what you are, will still be there. Also, how you handle certain situations may be such a part of you at this point that it will require working through anyway... so many things become habit after all. Meds can help, but they are not a cure-all and there will likely be things that you still have to figure out how to deal with separately.
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Old 04-14-10, 09:16 AM
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Re: ADD is all in my head and I just need to 'deal' with it

And if you had no arms, you should be able to learn how to tie your shoes with your teeth. If you don't, then it's your own fault for not working hard enough at it? We shouldn't give armless people slip-on shoes, or work on developing prosthetics? Man up, armless dude! Show some initiative!
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Old 04-14-10, 09:59 AM
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Re: ADD is all in my head and I just need to 'deal' with it

It is insulting when people try to make you aware of what you're doing, or, as is usually the case, what you're not doing. It's insulting because we damn well know it already!! We're all too aware of our shortcomings, and we know full well what it takes to change. Can you stand up and emphasize this to a person? No, because the response is "Then why aren't you doing it??" to which you're left without an answer - because you know, and you try, but it ain't happening. It's seen as a shortcoming in not only your willpower, emotional strength, but also your knowledge.

You know, even when I've been at my lowest of lows, totally giving up on life and drinking myself to death; I've always been great at giving other people the most insightful and useful advice. Telling people exactly what they need to hear to pick themselves up. Can I take my own advice? hell no. I only woke up and smelled the coffee when my self-neglect took its toll on my physical health. When I truly realised "Ok, I'm killing myself. I will stop this." and that age was catching up with me in a big way. Basically, I couldn't take that step until it was in my face.

Ok, totally forgot where I was going with this, or did I already reach my point? Oh, mental fog, you are the bane of me.

Anyway! You need to educate. It can take patience, something we're in short supply of, so it's not an easy process. Just try to keep the weight off of yourself a bit, take solace in your own understanding of yourself and try not to internalize the judgements of others. (far easier said than done, I know.) If you feel you have ADD, and you need medication, don't let anyones views stand in your way. Anger and dismissiveness can play a part in both sides of the relationship; don't let it. Mutual understanding is the goal, and it cannot be attained through conflict.
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Old 08-18-13, 05:54 PM
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Re: ADD is all in my head and I just need to 'deal' with it

I would say it is possible for someone to have ADD and not be on medications, but if the resource is available to you I would suggest for you to go get diagnosed.

Its also a possiblity you could have developed an anxiety disorder by some of the ways others may have reacted to you and your symptoms. So I would check it out as well.

I was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety disorder a few months ago and I can only really say from my personal experience that taking medication makes a whole world of difference.

Before the medication I could relate to the way you currently feel. I wanted an answer and felt that every effort I made was not promising a long term relief. As I took the medication my mind set had changed. I didn't feel overwhelmed with anxiety like before and I was begining to be aware of where exactly my symptoms were affecting me. Just remember that getting diagnosed and having medication doesnt neccesarily change anything so drastically that we become a different person but it is definately helpful and can be the start of your self recovery.

Also if you feel like no understands how you feel you should come on here and make some friends who can lend an empathetic ear.

I wish the best and hope you find some relief

Good Luck!!
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Old 08-18-13, 06:05 PM
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Re: ADD is all in my head and I just need to 'deal' with it

The OP made that post 3 years ago, and only appears to have been active for that one day so not sure they will read your reply, I am sure others will though...
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Old 08-18-13, 11:49 PM
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Re: ADD is all in my head and I just need to 'deal' with it

Quote:
Originally Posted by ADDangel View Post
For someone who has ADD, can they deal with it without taking the meds?

First it is normal to be angry about that. However, some people can function without meds. Take me for instance. I still have trouble but not with focusing. That was never a huge issue for me. The severity of your adhd may determine whether you need meds or not. All personal prefrence. Best of luck.
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Old 08-19-13, 07:42 AM
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Re: ADD is all in my head and I just need to 'deal' with it

Men! That's why I don't date them! They can be so insensitive.

I'm sorry that you are going through this hard time, but sometimes it's necessary in order to move forward in life.
It is very common for people to discredit our disorder. I don't let it bother me any more because unless you have AD(H)D you can imagine what it's like to live with it.
First step, getting evaluated to see if you may be a canidate. If you are AD(H)D you would have showed signs all your life. In school, social settings.
Although even if you are diagnosed and you begin taking medication, which will help, you still have to put the effort and discipline forward in order to overcome some of the issues you are having. What I mean to say is sometimes people think, "Once I get the medicine, then everything will be okay". Medicine is only one peice of the puzzle. Effort, sacrifice, determination, discipline, these are the keys to living healthy and happy with AD(H)D

Don't expext your husband to understand right away. As a matter of fact don't expect most people to accept it. We life timers are use to this. We no longer need validation from the rest of the human race, with this forum we have each other!

"They use to laugh at me because I was different, now I laugh at them because they're all the same!"
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