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General Parenting Issues The purpose of this forum is to discuss general parenting issues related to children with AD/HD(ADD & ADHD)

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  #1  
Old 05-28-20, 08:25 AM
KarmanMonkey KarmanMonkey is offline
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Early traits?

Hi everyone,

I'm an ADDult with two children. My eldest, a 5yo boy, has been showing signs that he may be developing ADD.

The problem I keep running into is that most of the information I can find says to compare him to other kids his age. The problem is that it's kind of impossible for me to do right now.

I was wondering if anyone out there had tips on how to figure out if it's ADD or a typical 5yo behaviour.

In particular, he's showing a lot of those "point of performance" issues; namely:

The inability to self-soothe, despite knowing how

Being unable to connect action to consequence in the moment (e.g. I can talk to him an hour ahead of time, and he'll say that he knows that if he gets changed for bed right after dinner, he can have some time to do something he really wants to do before books and bed, but when the time comes he is unable to trade the present moment for a reward even 5min away...)

Extreme difficulty ignoring distractions, and difficulty returning to the previous task, even if by some miracle he remembers what it was...

The problem is that I haven't been able to find anything that can be used as a guide to help us differentiate between typical ability and milestones for his age.

Can anyone offer help in this regard? Thank you!
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  #2  
Old 05-28-20, 10:05 AM
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Re: Early traits?

Seems to me you're looking at this in the most intelligent way possible and doing the right things. But at 5 years old? I think it's too early to call reliably. Pre-school and kindergarten kids are a pretty mixed bag, and our son seemed like just his own unique mix. He was diagnosed at around 8 years old. He struggled in school as many young ADHDers do. But when in play mode, for example in his Cub Scout meetings, he was completely indistinguishable from his friends.

One of the most telling signs was when he played soccer. He really, really wanted to play, so we signed him up. But literally any time he spent on the field when he wasn't personally and directly involved in the game, his mind would wander off and he'd become irretrievably engrossed in his inner world. He simply could-not-focus. (He was into Star Wars at the time, his teammates would be engaged in the game to varying degrees, but he'd be out there shooting down tie-fighters.)

So I guess to generalize, since ADHDers can frequently do surprisingly well at tasks that we really enjoy and/or are highly motivated to do, thanks to hyperfocus, not being able to bring some executive function to bear in those cases raises a flag. (Though I wonder if hyperfocus becomes more of a thing as we develop more self-control....)

All of this might seem similar to your son and his bedtime routine - except that's really more an equivalent to the marshmallow test, involving a time-delay element. (Look up 'marshmallow test' if that's not a familiar reference. It's a very useful concept.) There are probably some 'normal' 5-year-olds who don't do well with it.

I guess if I were in your position, I'd be looking into the youngest age at which the indicators for ADHD become somewhat reliable.

FWIW, the biggest obstacle for our son wasn't understanding ADHD and learning to adapt. It was acceptance - he didn't, so understanding and learning to adapt was never given a chance. Trust me, that's a situation to avoid.


Best of luck,
ZD
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"Normal" refers to a majority view.

If ADHD was more prevalent it would be "normal". It would shape all of society, just as it shapes our individual lives now.

Those with an excessive need for order, consistency and timeliness would face a lifelong struggle. Most of us "normals" would wonder why they don't lighten up and be more open to life's ebb and flow.

"Normal" is a meaningless concept. Reality is what it is. How we choose to deal with it is what defines us.
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Old 05-28-20, 10:21 AM
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Re: Early traits?

I do think observing your child in comparison to other children his age may

be the best way to tell if he is actually not meeting age-appropriate goals.

Zoom Dude makes a good point about how we do better when we enjoy what
we are engaged in.


We saw some signs when my adhd granddaughter was a toddler, but our

understanding was that adhd = hyperactive boys, not girls. When I took her

to her first story time at the library the difference between her and the other

children was unmistakable.

I was sharing this with a friend in an online group, not knowing that she had

a daughter with adhd. She suggested I learn about this disorder. Went back

to the library and got Driven To Distraction and it was very clear that what I

was reading described my granddaughter. And me too!
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Old 05-29-20, 08:55 PM
Alphawave Alphawave is offline
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Re: Early traits?

I used to complain of being bored. Like it was painful how bored I felt and it was almost distressing to me as a child. My mother would suggest things I could do and I would say I can't be bothered. It was like a vicious circle.

I only learned later in life that this is sometimes a common symptom. My parents were never diagnosed, however, we can see it in my father now.

You have adhd and it can run in families so you are right to investigate.

I had a very strict upbringing so it was never noticed until later in life when I did some research. Maybe a professional can tell you if your child has adhd. I will say when I went for a diagnosis they said I must have had symptoms between the ages of 5 and 12 to confirm the diagnosis. Like someone has said, your child is only 5.

I was eventually diagnosed as an adult when I was 42. Those were many wasted years.

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Old 05-30-20, 07:09 AM
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Re: Early traits?

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=145739
This is my story, but my son is 24 now. I should probably update things. He graduated top of his class with a BS in political science and minor in international studies and is now pre-law. He got a job through his internship and was offered 52000 a year with full benefits!

Quote:
Originally Posted by KarmanMonkey View Post
Hi everyone,

I'm an ADDult with two children. My eldest, a 5yo boy, has been showing signs that he may be developing ADD.

The problem I keep running into is that most of the information I can find says to compare him to other kids his age. The problem is that it's kind of impossible for me to do right now.

I was wondering if anyone out there had tips on how to figure out if it's ADD or a typical 5yo behaviour.

In particular, he's showing a lot of those "point of performance" issues; namely:

The inability to self-soothe, despite knowing how

Being unable to connect action to consequence in the moment (e.g. I can talk to him an hour ahead of time, and he'll say that he knows that if he gets changed for bed right after dinner, he can have some time to do something he really wants to do before books and bed, but when the time comes he is unable to trade the present moment for a reward even 5min away...)

Extreme difficulty ignoring distractions, and difficulty returning to the previous task, even if by some miracle he remembers what it was...

The problem is that I haven't been able to find anything that can be used as a guide to help us differentiate between typical ability and milestones for his age.

Can anyone offer help in this regard? Thank you!
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Old 06-07-20, 04:04 PM
mildadhd mildadhd is offline
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Re: Early traits?

Quote:
Originally Posted by KarmanMonkey View Post
Hi everyone,

I'm an ADDult with two children. My eldest, a 5yo boy, has been showing signs that he may be developing ADD.

The problem I keep running into is that most of the information I can find says to compare him to other kids his age. The problem is that it's kind of impossible for me to do right now.

I was wondering if anyone out there had tips on how to figure out if it's ADD or a typical 5yo behaviour.

In particular, he's showing a lot of those "point of performance" issues; namely:

The inability to self-soothe, despite knowing how

Being unable to connect action to consequence in the moment (e.g. I can talk to him an hour ahead of time, and he'll say that he knows that if he gets changed for bed right after dinner, he can have some time to do something he really wants to do before books and bed, but when the time comes he is unable to trade the present moment for a reward even 5min away...)

Extreme difficulty ignoring distractions, and difficulty returning to the previous task, even if by some miracle he remembers what it was...

The problem is that I haven't been able to find anything that can be used as a guide to help us differentiate between typical ability and milestones for his age.

Can anyone offer help in this regard? Thank you!

I suggest reading “Scattered Minds”, by Gabor Mate M.D..

I can look up your specific questions, post some related quotes, for a forum discussion with you and other members, if you like.







M
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Old 06-07-20, 05:59 PM
mildadhd mildadhd is offline
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Re: Early traits?

KarmanMonkey

I learned from Dr.Mate that all people are born with these traits. (Inattention, impulsiveness, hyperactivity, time blindness, emotionally sensitive, etc)

People who have AD(H)D lack neurodevelopment of top down self control (lack self control of these normal early childhood traits.)

Dr. Mate encourages environmental conditions (at the point of performance) that help promote development of self control. (EspeciallyFocusing on children who are born with more sensitive temperaments, and/or experienced adverse childhood experiences)

It is hard to tell for sure if a child has AD(H)D until about the age of 7*, (because these traits can be normal before the age 7*), but we do not need to wait until the age of 7*, to promote environmental conditions that promote development of top down self control.

First question I would explore..

1)Was your son born with a more sensitive temperament, (allergies, asthma, anxieties, etc)?

If so, the questions, I would explore..

2a)How does being born with a more sensitive temperament, interfere with the development of top down self control?
b)And how can we improve environmental conditions for a person who was born with a more sensitive temperament to help promote development of self control?


M
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Last edited by mildadhd; 06-07-20 at 06:18 PM..
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