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  #16  
Old 11-20-18, 07:23 PM
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Re: things you can do before the end of this year to improve your life

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post
Maybe check with your local college and see if there is someone doing anything
with geriatrics who would be your dad's exercise buddy for a small fee a couple
of times a week? In my town we have a senior center where they do everything
from playing cards to sewing bees to dances and other stuff. Is there something
like that close enough for your dad to get there?
That is an absolute fantastic idea and I'll look into it. Plus since you mentioned this, I found out that the college lets senior citizens take any class they can audit for free provided that the class isn't completely full already.
Going to show my dad the classes and see if he might be interested in something. Boy the number of classes I would take if I could take them for free. What a great program.

The problem with the senior centers in my area is that the activities are only offered during weekday work weeks and my dad still works so can't do them.
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  #17  
Old 11-21-18, 10:20 AM
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Re: things you can do before the end of this year to improve your life

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Originally Posted by Jacksper View Post
or even right now

The reason I bring this up is because we have been discussing dreams in a few threads, and I have been doing some dreaming and big thinking for a while now, but now it's time to land back on earth (at least for me) and see what we can do.

- quit smoking
- quit drinking
- do online learning every day
- read every day
- track what I need to track (hours/expenses for work, food/sleep/training for sports, personal finances)
- exercise every day
- do a social exercise every day (I want to improve my social skills)
- meditate every day
- sleep silently (without a podcast - or with devices near my bed in general)
- reduce my spending
- do something fun and relaxing every day
- beautify my home (on the cheap)
- do the last remaining 'old' chores (so that I am not behind with anything)
- keep a journal and use a to-do app

those are some of the most important things. I think if I do this, then I will see a lot of improvement in my life. a lot of the big dreams that I have are only possible if I have a proper foundation in my life and if I approach them with little steps, and I think the list above helps me do that.

what do you want to change now, or before the end of this year?
Hi Jacksper,

These are all admirable goals, a lot of which I've implemented and tried to stick to over the years.

One thing I've found useful is to remind myself that 70% or 80% success is ok. Personally, and you may not have this problem at all, I'm a bit of a perfectionist, or I fall for the "black or white" cognitive distortion a whole lot. Which means, if I can't do ALL of the things on my list ALL of the time, I give up. Or I'll fall off of one thing and give up. Or, I'll make long lists and then not do any of it. lol

So I think a useful mental construct is just to tell yourself you're going to improve by 10%. And remember that part of the process of developing ANY new habit is actually, counter-intuitively, the part of the process where you fail. Where you stop going to the gym for a day or two. THIS IS NOT FAILURE!!! It is actually, according to sound research, part of the process of developing a habit. The trick is STARTING AGAIN. Eventually you get to the part where it's just second nature to go to the gym, or meditate every day, or do some online learning every day, just to take some things from your impressive list.

The only other thing I'd caution about your list - you have a lot of "every days". I fall for this trap too. There's really not that much time in a day. We folks with ADHD have a real problem with linear time and realizing that we can't do everything all at once, as well as grasping how long things take to do. So if I could make a suggestion, I would change a few of those "every days" to 3 times/week or "every Sunday" or something more realistic. Otherwise you're going to have a few really, really packed days and then throw your hands up and eat ice cream. You need some down time where you're not doing anything on your list.

Check out the book "Two Awesome Hours" by Dr. Josh Davis, PhD. It's about optimizing your biological and psychological processes to create the conditions for two or so awesome hours where you get your most creative and important work done. Dr. Davis's point is that too many human performance books think of human's as machines that can be more and more efficient. In reality, we get tired, we get frustrated, we get fatigued. So it's more that you need to learn how to optimize conditions for a bit of peak performance every day. This goes back to your "every day" thing on the list. Don't cram so much into each day, and you'll find more success. I learned that the hard way! I still flop around in this area all the time, btw.

Also remember that perfect self-control and perfect discipline is not really the goal. That's just another trap of the ego to make you miss out on the joy in life. You want a little flow, a bit of opportunity for surprise and serendipity.

Just a few suggestions. It's really admirable that you are taking this self-improvement project on, and it's not even New Years!

Regards,
Daniel
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Last edited by Daniel1970; 11-21-18 at 10:20 AM.. Reason: Typo
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  #18  
Old 11-22-18, 04:47 AM
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Re: things you can do before the end of this year to improve your life

Ok, let's limit myself a bit, for realism's sake. This is what I am working on right now:

1. I am quitting smoking (which is uncomfortable - but I am on a holiday in Dubai right now (paid for by my employer), so there's plenty of comfort here to compensate)
2. I stop sleeping with podcast on (silence is good for me)
3. I will aim to do 5+ minutes of (online) learning every day (I am for 30+ minutes, but I want to start small)
4. Meditate every day for 5 minutes.


When these are really part of my routine, I will focus on adding more good habits.
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  #19  
Old 11-22-18, 05:55 AM
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Re: things you can do before the end of this year to improve your life

Sounds tangible
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  #20  
Old 11-22-18, 11:48 AM
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Re: things you can do before the end of this year to improve your life

I'd like to aim to stop smoking on January 2. Cant do it over the holidays.
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  #21  
Old 11-23-18, 09:22 AM
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Re: things you can do before the end of this year to improve your life

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacksper View Post
Ok, let's limit myself a bit, for realism's sake. This is what I am working on right now:

1. I am quitting smoking (which is uncomfortable - but I am on a holiday in Dubai right now (paid for by my employer), so there's plenty of comfort here to compensate)
2. I stop sleeping with podcast on (silence is good for me)
3. I will aim to do 5+ minutes of (online) learning every day (I am for 30+ minutes, but I want to start small)
4. Meditate every day for 5 minutes.


When these are really part of my routine, I will focus on adding more good habits.
That looks great! Adding one or two habits at a time is usually the best way to go. I wish you all the success in the world.
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What do you care what other people think? - Arline Feynman, to her husband, American physicist Richard P. Feynman

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  #22  
Old 11-23-18, 11:41 PM
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Re: things you can do before the end of this year to improve your life

Just coffee no 420 I cracked up reading that.altho not sure i.think NJ has signed into law most of the things that would qualify me for medicinal marijuana.
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  #23  
Old 11-24-18, 06:58 PM
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Re: things you can do before the end of this year to improve your life

Quote:
Originally Posted by DanielGM1970 View Post
Hi Jacksper,

These are all admirable goals, a lot of which I've implemented and tried to stick to over the years.

One thing I've found useful is to remind myself that 70% or 80% success is ok. Personally, and you may not have this problem at all, I'm a bit of a perfectionist, or I fall for the "black or white" cognitive distortion a whole lot. Which means, if I can't do ALL of the things on my list ALL of the time, I give up. Or I'll fall off of one thing and give up. Or, I'll make long lists and then not do any of it. lol

So I think a useful mental construct is just to tell yourself you're going to improve by 10%. And remember that part of the process of developing ANY new habit is actually, counter-intuitively, the part of the process where you fail. Where you stop going to the gym for a day or two. THIS IS NOT FAILURE!!! It is actually, according to sound research, part of the process of developing a habit. The trick is STARTING AGAIN. Eventually you get to the part where it's just second nature to go to the gym, or meditate every day, or do some online learning every day, just to take some things from your impressive list.

The only other thing I'd caution about your list - you have a lot of "every days". I fall for this trap too. There's really not that much time in a day. We folks with ADHD have a real problem with linear time and realizing that we can't do everything all at once, as well as grasping how long things take to do. So if I could make a suggestion, I would change a few of those "every days" to 3 times/week or "every Sunday" or something more realistic. Otherwise you're going to have a few really, really packed days and then throw your hands up and eat ice cream. You need some down time where you're not doing anything on your list.

Check out the book "Two Awesome Hours" by Dr. Josh Davis, PhD. It's about optimizing your biological and psychological processes to create the conditions for two or so awesome hours where you get your most creative and important work done. Dr. Davis's point is that too many human performance books think of human's as machines that can be more and more efficient. In reality, we get tired, we get frustrated, we get fatigued. So it's more that you need to learn how to optimize conditions for a bit of peak performance every day. This goes back to your "every day" thing on the list. Don't cram so much into each day, and you'll find more success. I learned that the hard way! I still flop around in this area all the time, btw.

Also remember that perfect self-control and perfect discipline is not really the goal. That's just another trap of the ego to make you miss out on the joy in life. You want a little flow, a bit of opportunity for surprise and serendipity.

Just a few suggestions. It's really admirable that you are taking this self-improvement project on, and it's not even New Years!

Regards,
Daniel

I really like that it is science-based and not just the opinions of super organized and motivated people who make things a one-size-fits-all deal. I hope I will be able to read it someday.
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  #24  
Old 11-26-18, 06:15 PM
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Re: things you can do before the end of this year to improve your life

Thanks everyone (especially daniel - one of the best posts I've read!) for your kindness and wisdom! I feel like I am not alone in this, but that we are all working on the same goal, striving for the good life (and enjoying the process).

I was in Dubai for 5 days, living a life of luxury, paid for by my employer. Did I mention I had a hard life? :P

Anyways, I am back and I am happy about it, because even though there are many good things happening, I have a shaky foundation (low confidence, chaos in life, very variable moods, etc) under my life and this is the thing that I want to work on.

I belief that it will work out for the better. Will focus on the 4 things that I mentioned for now. So, I won't smoke, will do meditation right after finishing this post and then I will go to sleep without listening to podcasts.

Good night everyone!
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  #25  
Old 11-26-18, 10:27 PM
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Re: things you can do before the end of this year to improve your life

Smoke drink n ride more especially next year make up for the last 4 years I didn't ride
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  #26  
Old 11-26-18, 11:49 PM
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Re: things you can do before the end of this year to improve your life

Win the the lottery and see a therapist.
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  #27  
Old 11-27-18, 05:27 AM
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Re: things you can do before the end of this year to improve your life

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Originally Posted by Greyhound1 View Post
Win the the lottery and see a therapist.
This made me laugh because I was like:"whats a lottery therapist?"
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Old 11-27-18, 06:58 PM
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Re: things you can do before the end of this year to improve your life

Tracking my habits in Evernote now. Made a table, with "habit", "date started", "streak" and "done today?" as the columns. Added some colors, orange for not done, green for done. I heard that we ADHD people like pretty colours a lot, I certainly do.

Studying 5+ minutes per day is going very well, already did it 3 days in a row and loving it. I am reading a psychology textbook, it's very interesting, I often find myself reading 10-20 pages on a day, and feeling good afterwards. I discover that I already know a lot - especially about statistics, the scientific process, the branches of psychology and evolution. But for every topics it was nice to fill in some gaps in my understanding.

Meditation is also going great. This may be the most important habit on my list. I use the headspace app.

Silent sleeping (without podcasts on) has not gone well. But I will do my first night today, so let's see how that is. Sleeping in a very luxurious room of a B&B tonight, and the rest of the week, so that's nice!

Quitting smoking is also not going as I'd like. I have quit again, I hope to manage to not smoke tomorrow.
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  #29  
Old 11-27-18, 07:41 PM
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Re: things you can do before the end of this year to improve your life

If I.won the lottery most of my problems would go away as I wouldn't have to no longer deal w anyone on a regular basis it would be on my terms n there would be no therapist in the mix either
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Old 11-27-18, 07:51 PM
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Re: things you can do before the end of this year to improve your life

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This made me laugh because I was like:"whats a lottery therapist?"
A lottery therapist. A therapist for those who lose all their money playing the lottery.

If I won the lottery, I would really need a therapist because I would probably lose what’s left of my mind.
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