ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADULTS AND ADD/ADHD > Relationships & Social Issues
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-15-09, 02:57 AM
Crazygirl79 Crazygirl79 is offline
Guest
 

Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,795
Blog Entries: 3
Thanks: 5,871
Thanked 1,995 Times in 1,112 Posts
Crazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond repute
Dating and Age Differences

I'm curious to know what peoples views are on dating people who are significantly younger or older and if its work or not. I normally date men who are between 10 or 12 years older than I am and for the first part of the relationship its great but as I went further into it I kind of felt like I was dating a father figure rather than a boyfriend, the good thing about dating an older man is that they are usually more mature, stable and settled however on the flip side they come with a lot of baggage (divorces etc) and they seem to allow that to spill into new relationships, another woman I knew dated an older guy was considering leaving because she wanted children and eventually marriage and he wanted no part of any of it as he'd been there and done it before but how fair was that on her? I've since lost contact with this lady so I don't know what happened in the end but I do know that she loved him and was otherwise happy but at the same time they were at 2 different places when it came to marriage and children...So whats your take on this people?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 12-15-09, 03:33 AM
Jbastille Jbastille is offline
Newbie
 

Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: LA
Posts: 1
Thanks: 0
Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post
Jbastille is on a distinguished road
Re: Dating and Age Differences

I heard this formula somewhere ..guy's age divided by 2 plus 7 years = lowest age of girl they should date
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Jbastille For This Useful Post:
ADHDTigger (12-15-09), Joker_Girl (12-15-09)
  #3  
Old 12-15-09, 04:53 AM
Kiddder's Avatar
Kiddder Kiddder is offline
ADDvanced Forum Guru
 

Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Dallas, TX, USA
Posts: 1,059
Thanks: 78
Thanked 666 Times in 421 Posts
Kiddder is a glorious beacon of lightKiddder is a glorious beacon of lightKiddder is a glorious beacon of lightKiddder is a glorious beacon of lightKiddder is a glorious beacon of lightKiddder is a glorious beacon of light
Re: Dating and Age Differences

Crap....who has a calculator.....hmmmm, carry the two.....divide by 7 and add two...no no no, add the seven and devide by square root of....or....was it add the two and devide by seven and then adjust by the gross domestic product of....no it was the square root of pie....crud my pie are round.....guess I am out....can't do the math

Aren't women, relationships hard enough....we have to bring in math? I guess thats better than history or grammar....wow, I'd calculate out to a toddler

So I guess my hopes of dating a woman who can fill me in on this whole "Lady GaGa" thing just isn't gonna happen? Give me my calculator back....lets see, on button....so far so good....where are my my glasses.....zzzzzzzzzz
__________________

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. ~ Oscar Wilde
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Kiddder For This Useful Post:
ADHDTigger (12-15-09)
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 12-15-09, 04:58 AM
Crazygirl79 Crazygirl79 is offline
Guest
 

Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,795
Blog Entries: 3
Thanks: 5,871
Thanked 1,995 Times in 1,112 Posts
Crazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Dating and Age Differences

I wasn't on about numbers Kiddder! I was on about diffences in maturity, life experiences and wants and needs.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-15-09, 05:06 AM
Kiddder's Avatar
Kiddder Kiddder is offline
ADDvanced Forum Guru
 

Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Dallas, TX, USA
Posts: 1,059
Thanks: 78
Thanked 666 Times in 421 Posts
Kiddder is a glorious beacon of lightKiddder is a glorious beacon of lightKiddder is a glorious beacon of lightKiddder is a glorious beacon of lightKiddder is a glorious beacon of lightKiddder is a glorious beacon of light
Re: Dating and Age Differences

.....oh...so now math sounds more simple....wheres the age part come in again?

"I was on about diffences in maturity, life experiences and wants and needs."

Why is this about age....sounds like normal compatability to me....but I am proudly not too mature.....
__________________

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. ~ Oscar Wilde
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-15-09, 06:22 AM
Crazygirl79 Crazygirl79 is offline
Guest
 

Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,795
Blog Entries: 3
Thanks: 5,871
Thanked 1,995 Times in 1,112 Posts
Crazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Dating and Age Differences

Lets not turn this into cyber world war 3 please. I don't recall EVER saying that EVERY older guy is mature! (except the ones I was with were more mature than I was) sure there are plenty of older guys that are young at heart. The original question was how and do relationships where there is a significant age gap work?? Because in some relationships it can become an issue (like it did in my last 2 relationships) I never said that dating older or younger partners was a bad and I didn't realise I had to explain the meaning of this thread.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 12-15-09, 09:54 AM
daveddd daveddd is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: May 2009
Location: cleveland
Posts: 9,060
Thanks: 10,868
Thanked 11,227 Times in 5,483 Posts
daveddd has a reputation beyond reputedaveddd has a reputation beyond reputedaveddd has a reputation beyond reputedaveddd has a reputation beyond reputedaveddd has a reputation beyond reputedaveddd has a reputation beyond reputedaveddd has a reputation beyond reputedaveddd has a reputation beyond reputedaveddd has a reputation beyond reputedaveddd has a reputation beyond reputedaveddd has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Dating and Age Differences

try out some guys your age see how it goes.

I only worry about age after I like the rest of the person
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 12-15-09, 10:30 AM
Crazygirl79 Crazygirl79 is offline
Guest
 

Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,795
Blog Entries: 3
Thanks: 5,871
Thanked 1,995 Times in 1,112 Posts
Crazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond reputeCrazygirl79 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Dating and Age Differences

I normally don't care about age but I often wonder what it to would be likd to date a guy closer to my age?
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 12-15-09, 10:54 AM
Retromancer Retromancer is offline
Committee of One
 

Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Rain City, Cascadia
Posts: 3,372
Thanks: 1,585
Thanked 4,156 Times in 1,774 Posts
Retromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Dating and Age Differences

I think you are now old enough to have some baggage of your own. Worry less about their age and more about the soundness of their back... :
__________________
"Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is
man's original virtue. It is through disobedience and rebellion
that progress has been made."
-- Oscar Wilde
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Retromancer For This Useful Post:
ADHDTigger (12-15-09), Impromptu_DTour (12-18-09), novagal (12-15-09)
  #10  
Old 12-15-09, 11:41 AM
stef's Avatar
stef stef is offline
Zen moderator
 

Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: west of Paris
Posts: 18,261
Thanks: 36,904
Thanked 26,886 Times in 13,057 Posts
stef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Dating and Age Differences

It's really a question of personality more than age!
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 12-15-09, 11:58 AM
Retromancer Retromancer is offline
Committee of One
 

Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Rain City, Cascadia
Posts: 3,372
Thanks: 1,585
Thanked 4,156 Times in 1,774 Posts
Retromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Dating and Age Differences

With our slow rate of maturing I would not be surprised to find that "age gap" relationships are more common with we ADDers...
__________________
"Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is
man's original virtue. It is through disobedience and rebellion
that progress has been made."
-- Oscar Wilde
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 12-15-09, 12:12 PM
formax's Avatar
formax formax is offline
Member
 

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Belgium
Posts: 68
Thanks: 8
Thanked 22 Times in 10 Posts
formax will become famous soon enough
Re: Dating and Age Differences

I have trouble with this an related posts. Where some one asks as to one should/could/would date a person:
- with a certain age
- who (doesn't) have AD(H)D
- has a moustache
- hates lichi's
- ...

I don't mean to ridicule this thread I just want to express my concern about the question being asked.

Some people like AC/DC, some people like Bach, some like both and others detest any tune that is below 140bpm. And that's just tastes in music.
Could I fall in love and live with some one who has a different taste in music? Hell yeah! (and I did actually).
If I were to ask some one else if I would like the taste of lichi's even though I've never tried one and the person answering has no knowledge of my food likes and dislikes nor can he say with certainty he has tried lichi's himself. There is absolutely no value in the answer, no matter what the answer is. I'll know with certainty what lichi's taste like and weiter or not that taste is to my liking until I eat one and decide for my self.

So trying to define the value of something as complex as a relationship (not even the loving kind) just by generalization is completely wrong. You can't know if something will or will not work because it's labeled in a specific manner.

If you look at threads about relationships between ADD and non ADD you'll see that some work and some don't. Some relationships between people liking lichi's and disliking lichi's work and some don't.

I'm just saying don't make decisions based on false believes. I've seen so many people constrict their opportunities and happiness in life only by thinking 'I'll probably don't like it so I won't even bother to try'.

EDIT: As I was typing some responses were posted and they only confirm my view on false believes and misconceptions
Quote:
Originally Posted by Romancer
With our slow rate of maturing I would not be surprised to find that "age gap" relationships are more common with we ADDers...
I have ADD and have always had a very fast way of maturing. However this had NO impact what soever on the age of the people I had relationships with. It's a wrong assumption. It's equally wrong to state that ADD'ers are more likely to dislike lichi's.
__________________
Currently reading:

Out of our minds : Learning to be creative - Ken Robinson
Cradle to Cradle : Remaking the way we make things - William McDonough & Michael Braungart
Asking the Right Questions : A Guide to Critical Thinking - M. Neil Browne & Stuart M. Keeley
Gdel, Escher, Bach : an Eternal Golden Braid - Douglas R. Hofstadter
Swarm Intelligence - James Kennedy & Russel C. Eberhart
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to formax For This Useful Post:
ADHDTigger (12-15-09), Kiddder (12-15-09)
  #13  
Old 12-15-09, 12:26 PM
Retromancer Retromancer is offline
Committee of One
 

Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Rain City, Cascadia
Posts: 3,372
Thanks: 1,585
Thanked 4,156 Times in 1,774 Posts
Retromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond reputeRetromancer has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Dating and Age Differences

First, nice contraction of my handle. It beats the more common "Retro". (I always think of the dog Astro in the Jetsons...)

Second, it not all about you! I was thinking statistically. If ADDers have a statistically slower rate of maturing -- as studies indicate -- then "age gap" relationships may be more common. It sure merits research.

The last woman I dated there was a gap of 12 years between us. Prior to that I had a relationship with a woman that was 17 years younger than myself. The gap is narrowing!


Quote:
Originally Posted by formax View Post
I have trouble with this an related posts. Where some one asks as to one should/could/would date a person:
- with a certain age
- who (doesn't) have AD(H)D
- has a moustache
- hates lichi's
- ...

I don't mean to ridicule this thread I just want to express my concern about the question being asked.

Some people like AC/DC, some people like Bach, some like both and others detest any tune that is below 140bpm. And that's just tastes in music.
Could I fall in love and live with some one who has a different taste in music? Hell yeah! (and I did actually).
If I were to ask some one else if I would like the taste of lichi's even though I've never tried one and the person answering has no knowledge of my food likes and dislikes nor can he say with certainty he has tried lichi's himself. There is absolutely no value in the answer, no matter what the answer is. I'll know with certainty what lichi's taste like and weiter or not that taste is to my liking until I eat one and decide for my self.

So trying to define the value of something as complex as a relationship (not even the loving kind) just by generalization is completely wrong. You can't know if something will or will not work because it's labeled in a specific manner.

If you look at threads about relationships between ADD and non ADD you'll see that some work and some don't. Some relationships between people liking lichi's and disliking lichi's work and some don't.

I'm just saying don't make decisions based on false believes. I've seen so many people constrict their opportunities and happiness in life only by thinking 'I'll probably don't like it so I won't even bother to try'.

EDIT: As I was typing some responses were posted and they only confirm my view on false believes and misconceptions


I have ADD and have always had a very fast way of maturing. However this had NO impact what soever on the age of the people I had relationships with. It's a wrong assumption. It's equally wrong to state that ADD'ers are more likely to dislike lichi's.
__________________
"Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is
man's original virtue. It is through disobedience and rebellion
that progress has been made."
-- Oscar Wilde
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Retromancer For This Useful Post:
ADHDTigger (12-15-09)
  #14  
Old 12-15-09, 12:33 PM
Kiddder's Avatar
Kiddder Kiddder is offline
ADDvanced Forum Guru
 

Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Dallas, TX, USA
Posts: 1,059
Thanks: 78
Thanked 666 Times in 421 Posts
Kiddder is a glorious beacon of lightKiddder is a glorious beacon of lightKiddder is a glorious beacon of lightKiddder is a glorious beacon of lightKiddder is a glorious beacon of lightKiddder is a glorious beacon of light
Re: Dating and Age Differences

...um....what's a "lichi" and what does it taste like?.....or should I start another thread....or should I shut up and quit being doofus? Maybe I should google lichi....see I figure it out eventually....

...unless my mind is extra cloudy this morning....yes formax (sorry, sounds like a nasal spray ....I concur, agree and I congree even....sadly we are all slaves to "poular" opinion sometimes....and negative ideas regarding age difference when associated to relationships is as American as apple studdel.....er....pie.....
__________________

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. ~ Oscar Wilde
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Kiddder For This Useful Post:
ADHDTigger (12-15-09)
  #15  
Old 12-15-09, 12:47 PM
Kiddder's Avatar
Kiddder Kiddder is offline
ADDvanced Forum Guru
 

Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Dallas, TX, USA
Posts: 1,059
Thanks: 78
Thanked 666 Times in 421 Posts
Kiddder is a glorious beacon of lightKiddder is a glorious beacon of lightKiddder is a glorious beacon of lightKiddder is a glorious beacon of lightKiddder is a glorious beacon of lightKiddder is a glorious beacon of light
Re: Dating and Age Differences

Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazygirl79 View Post
Lets not turn this into cyber world war 3 please. I don't recall EVER saying that EVERY older guy is mature! (except the ones I was with were more mature than I was) sure there are plenty of older guys that are young at heart. The original question was how and do relationships where there is a significant age gap work?? Because in some relationships it can become an issue (like it did in my last 2 relationships) I never said that dating older or younger partners was a bad and I didn't realise I had to explain the meaning of this thread.
......c'mon now CG....you KNOW I am just teasing you.....I know you were seeking opinion on something important to you and I apologize for derailing......personally.....age does not concern me in the least, in fact it would be the absolute last factor on my radar in deciding compatability.....I just can't seem to convince any of the 22 year olds I meet of that, heh heh heh.......I drerailed again didn't I? Chemistry and attraction, I guess is my trigger, someone who doesn't sweat the small stuff and has an open mind is attractive....for me....and if they're blind I can get away without shaving or ironing....that's a big plus.....

I can't help it.....I just find irony or humor in everything.....and again it gets me in trouble......
__________________

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. ~ Oscar Wilde
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:55 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums