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  #16  
Old 02-15-11, 07:21 PM
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Re: Not picking up the beginning of story

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Originally Posted by MentalNomad View Post
But, trying to follow a movie (esp at a theatre when anxiety is amplified) is where I get into trouble. As absentmindprof does, I start thinking of the movie in my own way, trying to comprehend it in my own way five minutes later I'm hopelessly trying to catch up. I feel like an idiot having to ask what is going on.
I heard Jerry Seinfeld say once that he's the guy in the movie theater who's always asking everyone what's going on. "Is that the same guy that killed the other guy at the beginning?" "No, it's the other guy." "Then who's that guy?"

I got a big kick out of that, since he notices everything.
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Old 02-15-11, 07:53 PM
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Re: Not picking up the beginning of story

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I have issues with blocking sensory stimulations myself. Other people don't get it and I know it's a bit weird. Others can fall asleep with tv noise in the background. I can't it drives me insane. The wind blowing too loud drives me mad. I've heard that people like to fall asleep to such noises. I've compensated by using a fan that makes noise to help me sleep. That sounds weird to people as well but that noise doesn't bother me at all. It seems if I choose the noise to fall asleep to it's fine but if it's external noise that I have no control over it drives me mad.
I'm very similar here. Tho I can fall asleep with a tv or movie on if im right in front of it and I have fallen asleep to music in the past but...if theres even the softest noise, like water dripping or the dog licking himself (this one bugs me wide awake too) or someone snoring or even breathing...if i can hear them breath it will wake me from a sound sleep. If can hear a tv or radio from another room that will keep me up too. dealing with my 398 yr old half deaf neighbor is a constant issue..having to get dressed and go out in the cold to pound on his door (cuz he cant hear that either) so I can get him to lower his radio so i can sleep. I've tried to ignore it..i just can't it drives me absolutely bonkers.

The fan trick works sometimes but who wants a fan on in the winter and sometimes the fan itself will have a weird squeak or rubbing noise that irks me so then I cant use that either lol
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Old 02-15-11, 07:55 PM
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Re: Not picking up the beginning of story

RE: movies. If I lose the plot I just shush and keep watching cuz I'm sure somewhere along the way I'll pick up whats going on. It drives me crazy when someone asks me whats going on cuz then I have to answer them and miss whats going on and then *I* dont know whats going on! lol
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Old 02-15-11, 08:32 PM
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Re: Not picking up the beginning of story

The fan works for me,so does tv or music.I hate the dog licking noises or snoring.I had to sleep w brother in hotel and it was so bad I nearly beat the stuffing out of the pillow throwing it an dhitting him w it.Was ready to ge tanother room ya can figure out why I woke up exhausted and felt like i was wasted.
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Old 02-15-11, 09:31 PM
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Re: Not picking up the beginning of story

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Originally Posted by QueenTitania View Post
I've always found I am very detail oriented in certain ways. Someone tells me a story, and I generally ask so many questions because I want to know more details that other people don't seem to think about. I've had people say to me how it's a bit odd the questions I come up with but my brain just wants to know that's all! .
My sister does that too when she's hyperfocusing. I call her the question lady and it just wears me out. I say "I have no more information on this." She hyperfocuses on word searches, movies, TV and the internet, but she gets lost in them and it's hard to get her back. On the other hand, it comes in handy if I ever need to find something. She's like a bloodhound. I've asked her if she feels like I'm using her disability for my own gain.
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Old 02-15-11, 09:32 PM
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Re: Not picking up the beginning of story

What happened?! tee heeehheee
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Old 02-15-11, 09:43 PM
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Re: Not picking up the beginning of story

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My sister does that too when she's hyperfocusing. I call her the question lady and it just wears me out. I say "I have no more information on this." She hyperfocuses on word searches, movies, TV and the internet, but she gets lost in them and it's hard to get her back. On the other hand, it comes in handy if I ever need to find something. She's like a bloodhound. I've asked her if she feels like I'm using her disability for my own gain.
omg thats exactly what I do. I spent an entire day last week on butterfly searches because I heard a song with the name Phaedra in it and I wanted to know the meaning/origin of the name and one thing led to another and before I knew the day had passed I had oodles of info on the name and all its meanings and lore as well as 10 web pages saved full of butterflies and a whole picture folder of a specific Phaedra genus lol i dont think I even ate.
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  #23  
Old 02-16-11, 01:24 AM
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Re: Not picking up the beginning of story

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omg thats exactly what I do. I spent an entire day last week on butterfly searches because I heard a song with the name Phaedra in it and I wanted to know the meaning/origin of the name and one thing led to another and before I knew the day had passed I had oodles of info on the name and all its meanings and lore as well as 10 web pages saved full of butterflies and a whole picture folder of a specific Phaedra genus lol i dont think I even ate.
OMG that is so funny. I know exactly the song you mean. Art Bell used to play it all the time on Coast to Coast and I always thought, "wow, I should look Phaedra up on the internet. She sounds significant." Now I know how to spell it to begin my search. At least I can benefit from your more obsessive tendencies. Thanks, hours well spent I'm sure.
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  #24  
Old 02-16-11, 01:48 AM
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Re: Not picking up the beginning of story

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OMG that is so funny. I know exactly the song you mean. Art Bell used to play it all the time on Coast to Coast and I always thought, "wow, I should look Phaedra up on the internet. She sounds significant." Now I know how to spell it to begin my search. At least I can benefit from your more obsessive tendencies. Thanks, hours well spent I'm sure.
lol the song is called Some Velvet Morning and its sung by nancy sinatra + lee hazlewood but I like the Lydia Lunch + Rowland S. Howard version a lot too.

Phaedra is an Ancient Greek name meaning ‘the beautiful, the bright, the shiny one’. It is related to a verb that means ‘to shine light on’.
It is also a butterfly genus in the family Lycaenidae or Nymphalidae and Archaeoprepona phaedra

needless to say, we can see why I was attracted to the name..between the butterfly reference (its flighty erratic fluttering here and there) and 'shiny one' really appeals to me lol

yup... ALL....DAY I took looking stuff up. just to find that little bit of info and 39847395959465936596 butterfly images. lol


meanwhile.... what i SHOULD have been doing was grocery shopping, going to the tan salon, eating, taking some vitamins, and generally trying to get my crazy butt back to work.

fail.


shoot...we can't change our screen names can we? I SHOULDA PICKED PHAEDRA AS MY NAME!
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Old 02-16-11, 04:38 AM
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Re: Not picking up the beginning of story

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stef

That feeling stupid is a huge thing, I think, which leads to so many other things. For my sister, it's led her to pretend that she knows/understands things when she doesn't, so she never gets a chance to learn them.

Looking back at her childhood, there are so many times this has affected her underlying sense of confidence in herself. She covers it up, many times, with defensiveness, so you may not see it, but it's a feeling that everyone else understands something she doesn't.

I challenge that belief, somewhat, in that what I see is that ADD people assume, many times, that non-ADD people know more than they do. I often don't have any idea what people are talking about. The difference is that I don't think the answer is in my head. I need to ask the person what they're talking about. My sister won't because she thinks she should already know, which she can't possibly, no one could, but she doesn't know that. This cycle only perpetuates low self-esteem.

I would like her to develop the belief in herself to see that she has the right to have someone explain something to her so that she can understand it, even if it takes more time. One of the things standing in her way is that she doesn't want anyone to know that she doesn't know. But that's the only way to learn and see that many people will help you, which goes against all the self-protective instincts you've always had.

I'm living proof. I've used this method to learn almost everything I know. But I don't have ADD, so I've much more confidence in myself than she does that she can actually figure it out. But she has a good brain, just one that works differently. I would like her to stand up for herself and say, I need you to go over that again. Of course that won't work in all situations, but you can start with your best friends and family.

cheli
thak you so much for this. Basically my childhood was "often not knowing what was going on, and having to pretend I understood everything".
I did very well in school though. Which almost made it worse, because I felt like a huge imposter.

I'm getting a lot better at asking people to repeat things. In fact at work, it's GOOD to do this. someone will appreciate that you really understood them; the vague "ok", is less reassuring.
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Old 02-16-11, 10:06 AM
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Re: Not picking up the beginning of story

My husband does that with me all the time. I can deal with that, but the part that drives me nuts is when he tunes in at the middle of a conversation I am having with someone else, and wants to be brought up to speed immediately. I finally got him to understand how annoying it is to have to interrupt the flow of a conversation and start over at the beginning. It doesn't stop him from the initial interruption, but when I narrow my eyes at him, he remembers and tries to pick up from the point he joined.
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Old 02-16-11, 01:08 PM
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Re: Not picking up the beginning of story

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thak you so much for this. Basically my childhood was "often not knowing what was going on, and having to pretend I understood everything".
I did very well in school though. Which almost made it worse, because I felt like a huge imposter.

I'm getting a lot better at asking people to repeat things. In fact at work, it's GOOD to do this. someone will appreciate that you really understood them; the vague "ok", is less reassuring.
This is me. When I read/watch, there are absolutely no problems. When I listen/speak, there are nothing but problems. And pretending like I know or remember has made me look like a fool more times than I could hope to count, nevermind the energy it takes to continue the lie.

It doesn't help that I hang in a number of circles where your ability to reason and remember is paramount to your status. I know I'm intelligent, but that doesn't prevent me from feeling like a fake in these conversations, precisely for the reasons mentioned in this thread.
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Old 02-16-11, 02:20 PM
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Re: Not picking up the beginning of story

Most of the time I catch the beginning, or think I do, but then there's a fork in the road - I can either stay into the story if its short enough and exciting, or I can drift off and eventually fall off the cliff. The latter is more typical, to be honest.

However, this all becomes moot when I wake up the next day because unless the story caused some sort of emotion in me - fear, anxiety, happiness, etc. - I won't remember it. No detail of it. It seems that I love the feeling of listening to a story and picturing it in my head (probably not quite the way the storyteller intended, but I digress), but don't bother to actively remember any of it.

I guess that's just life.
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Old 02-16-11, 09:21 PM
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Re: Not picking up the beginning of story

One of the reasons I encourage my sister to start speaking up more is that I see how her way of handling this doesn't exactly work. People who are paying attention get that there's something off and read it as something far worse than ADD. The blank looks, inappropriate follow-up comments, lack of interest because the ADD person has no idea what's going on can be read as arrogance, self-centeredness, lack of intelligence or curiosity, boredom, any number of things based on the person reading it.

Everyone in my immediate family does this. As a kid, I just figured I wasn't worth paying attention to, which didn't do me any good. But there's just a lack of back and forth with other people that leads to an ADD person staying in his/her head.

I see how this habit has gotten worse with my mom when compounded by age and hearing loss. She's not able to do the give and take that helps you navigate as you get older. I wish she'd developed the skills that would let her empirically validate what's going on in her own head.

Also, my family adds in a really defensive reaction if you call them on not knowing what you're talking about. "Mom. You're not listening to me." "I am listening!" "I heard every word!" "Well, what do think about what I had to say then?" "I don't know what you want me to say. Let's talk about something else." Needless to say, being raised this way left me feeling very uninteresting.

A great thing about finding out about ADD is finally being able to understand what's going on. Knowing that someone's brain is just processing things differently, allows me to use different communication strategies instead of beating my head against the wall and never being able to solve any of this.

Like many people that love/like ADD folks, I'm more than willing to talk differently and do some back and forth to clear up any communication problems. I'd do this with colleagues too.

In fact, I worked someone who grew up with ADD who up front told me she had it. I asked if she needed me to do anything differently. She told me she needed structure and paced a lot. She was wonderful to work with, very energetic, generating a lot of ideas. She asked me to tell her if she was ever too anything, but I never thought so. She was different, but in a good way. I really admired her self-knowledge and acceptance. I would love to work with her again.

She helped me become better because I learned another way of thinking. I realized that while some people benefit from a more laid back way of working, some people need deadlines and an overview. After that I always kept in mind that at least some people in every group will benefit from that. Being more laid back myself, it had never occurred to me, so I broadened my leadership to include more types of people.

To me, she's an example of someone who had ADD diagnosed early, so didn't have the baggage my sister's had to deal with. She even had a teacher wad up her work and throw it away. It's hard to feel good about yourself while that's happening.
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Old 02-16-11, 09:36 PM
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Re: Not picking up the beginning of story

Thank you for the knowledge, that is the song I was thinking of . I have benefited from the part of your brain you have dedicated to Phaedra. Your wasted time was worth it to me. Dirty dishes be damned.
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