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Careers/Job Impact This forum is for adults to discuss how AD/HD affects work and career.

 
 
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Old 07-05-18, 03:05 PM
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I've been let go of, again. I need

It's been lingering in the air for a while now, 2 major security incidents in a row because of my inattentiveness and forgetfulness , I've been expecting it and in some way really hoping for it. To be released from this souldraining responsibility called 'a job' I can barely manage. Next week will be my last week, but in the meantime I will have to face questions from coworkers about why I can't manage a job with 10% of the caseload of my coworkers ?. 'I can manage your job in 1 hour' 'you're too slow', criticism I've heard over and over. You have ADD but you havent been diagnosed yet ?. You're not sure yet if you're sick or just lazy ?.

I've had this job for a bit more than 4months, I haven't completed the 6month trial. I've been let go of during the training for the actual job several times. Let go of or fired during the trial period. My current manager advised me to be a bit more kind to myself, my selftalk is very negative.

The only job I thrived in (for a little while) was where I was given no rules and no time restrictions to learn, I did it on my pace and I learned faster than I ever thought possible. My manager was pleased with my performance and learning ability, but eventually it also got repetitive and I stopped caring and also stopped learning, I couldn't bring up the energy anymore. I did do many creative things áfter work, like a parttime photography business, making small websites and painting. I still have these hobbies, almost my whole life actually.

My manager has been patient with me but she can see I don't care about this job, I don't care about the tech we're supporting, I like to create new things, not support things that already exist. Also not believing in my abilities turns into a selffullfilling prophecy. Low confidence, that's me.

To put in concisely, I have to go from failed tech support employee to a talented artist working in sculpture and new media changing peoples perceptions. Before getting there I need a new job that is not tech support ... I like programming and have been learning for webdeveloper but keeping my 'condition' in mind it's very slow going. I need to level up considerably in coding skills within 1, 2 months max. I need a coach, I can't manage time on my own or I'll slip again. Oh and I haven't been diagnosed for ADD yet, the test is due in 3 weeks. I needed to vent, need some support
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