hygiene solutions

[allesandro1]

I've worked in schools as a therapist. Not a school counselor, a therapist called in to do consulting work. I've worked with special ed teachers and counselors. No one has the time to be calling parents and going out to parents' houses simply because a student is wearing the same clothes every day. He is offending someone, likely other students and the special ed teacher(who has to teach in close proximity to him, not to mention his classmates) who brings this up in team meetings and is in constant communication with the guidance counselor because he stinks. He needs to be showering daily, and he needs to use the deodorant after he showers, not after he already stinks at school. If he's going to wear the same clothes daily then he needs to wash those clothes daily, not every Sunday night. (reminds me of an old joke where a waitress says,( " yes, we make the coffee fresh, every Sunday night ") If she's complaining about his nails as well, it's because in addition to the fact that he is not showering or using deodorant or wearing clean clothes, his nails are long and dirty which makes everything even more gross. Sit him down make him cut those long, dirty nails, shower, use deodorant, wash his clothes, and while you are at it have him brush his teeth and use some mouth wash as well.
It would make more sense than posting on here daily and trying to convince me that poor victim you is being harassed by school guidance counselor who has nothing better to do than come to your house and complain that your kid is wearing the same clothes and has nails that are too long

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by allesandro1

I've worked in schools as a therapist. Not a school counselor, a therapist called in to do consulting work. I've worked with special ed teachers and counselors. No one has the time to be calling parents and going out to parents' houses simply because a student is wearing the same clothes every day. He is offending someone, likely other students and the special ed teacher(who has to teach in close proximity to him, not to mention his classmates) who brings this up in team meetings and is in constant communication with the guidance counselor because he stinks.

The OP said someone is coming to the house and that she called to get clarification. If she says thats what's going on then we have to take her word for it. If someone has it in for her then they really could be nitpicking everything to death.

He needs to be showering daily, and he needs to use the deodorant after he showers, not after he already stinks at school. If he's going to wear the same clothes daily then he needs to wash those clothes daily, not every Sunday night.

The op said that he showers and uses deodorant but she sends him once to school just in case. If he washes his clothes sunday I doubt re-wearing the same outfit is going to cause an offending odor so great that the school would notice. It sounds like she has someone that is zeroed in on the boy and for whatever reason her- and they are not letting her off the hook. I myself have re-worn clothes after one or two wears. Unless they are filthy I do not see an issue with it.

(reminds me of an old joke where a waitress says,( " yes, we make the coffee fresh, every Sunday night ") If she's complaining about his nails as well, it's because in addition to the fact that he is not showering or using deodorant or wearing clean clothes, his nails are long and dirty which makes everything even more gross. Sit him down make him cut those long, dirty nails, shower, use deodorant, wash his clothes, and while you are at it have him brush his teeth and use some mouth wash as well.

Having nails be long doesnt automatically mean he has "long dirty nails". He may prefer long nails and the school or this woman doesnt think its ok but its not her business. She said he does shower and wash his clothes so I am not sure why you felt like you needed to say this again as if the op isnt doing it. She didnt mention that there was an issue with his teeth or breath so I feel like you threw that in there.

It would make more sense than posting on here daily and trying to convince me that poor victim you is being harassed by school guidance counselor who has nothing better to do than come to your house and complain that your kid is wearing the same clothes and has nails that are too long

She can post hourly if need be. It might not make sense to you. DO you have kids? When something is going on with your kids and school it takes over your thoughts and that is what is happening with the OP. If someone needs to talk about it its ok. It would be one thing if what she described were horrible examples of abuse and thats all she was doing but it sounds like she is trying.

OP-you may have to make it a point to change your sleep schedule enough to see him off to school and then go back to bed once he leaves.

[DUBL07]

Do you think it's a comfort issue? not like clothes fit comfort but laundry soap smell wears off shirt feels better and smells like him comfort? i had a friend in school that would often do this. he hated "clean" clothes. he always wore things many many times. in the summer he might wear the same shirt for a week. maybe your son feels the same way. maybe unscented laundry soap. or buy him white t'shirts to wear under a shirt. he can change the outer shirt daily but the undershirt can be worn twice maybe. the school gets involved because they fear neglect. kids wearing the same things over and over could mean mom is not taking care of him. school always fears the worst. It's apparent the school knows he has ADHD. So why wouldn't they assume it's a sensory issue or something else. You better buy him five pairs of shoes, can't wear the same sneakers every day.

[LyrinMeow]

I have directly asked to be told about any and all issues so that I may address them. I cannot address an issue I don't know about. I was told his clothes and his nails are it. Those are the problems. Unless you want to say the school is refusing to give me the full picture.

He showers. He does not stink. I live with him and I have a nose. He has plenty of clothing to wear. The clothes thing has been going on for a number months and I've been going back and forth with his special education teacher about different things to try. It is improving but not perfect yet. Everything that has been told to me that needs to be fixed is being worked on.

My nails are extremely long. Does that imply that they are dirty? I don't shower every single day. Am I dirty? Should someone call HR on me? On more than on occasion I have worn an item that has not been washed a second time.

I posted this to see if anyone HERE had ANY other SUGGESTIONS since a lot of people here grew up ADHD/some ASD. So someone just might know a trick I haven't tried yet.

You seem fine going out of your way to try and call me out for things you know nothing about. So I guess a phone call isn't over the top either, is it? You and creepy house invading councilor lady are why there is only one person at the school that I will actually still deal with.

Well and the lady who lied and said my child was doing things the involved staff members said he never did. Twice. Or the Spanish teacher who was pi**d because he got a B in his class. He should have gotten and A dammit and he made sure I knew about it.

He is healthy, happy, fed (read: eats all the food in the house), mostly mainstreamed, in all honors classes, and on the honor roll or whatever they are calling it now. Very very very rarely does he need any discipline at all.

To the people actually trying to be helpful:

I thought it may be a sensory issue but when I ask him he just shrugs. Communication isn't his strong point. But I may try cutting out tags just to be safe. I'm allergic to everything ever so I only use hypoallergenic laundry detergent and dryers sheets so we should be good there.

As for sleep schedule I get up at 4:45 to get to work. He doesn't go to school around 7:45. I did just put a reminder on my phone to text him about changing this morning. I hear you have to do things for like 3 weeks to make it habit.

Also strange, one day this week he did not change clothes but did bring clothes to change into. I haven't had a chance to talk to him about that yet. Maybe he's getting up too late. Ah well. Thanks for some new things to try anyway.

[CharlesH]

Originally Posted by allesandro1

I've worked in schools as a therapist. Not a school counselor, a therapist called in to do consulting work. I've worked with special ed teachers and counselors. No one has the time to be calling parents and going out to parents' houses simply because a student is wearing the same clothes every day.

Allesandro - post #15 probably gives a big clue as to why the school is flagging the kid. The kid's ASD and ADHD cause him to say/do things that can cause concern. I agree that it's probably not just the clothes/fingernails issue alone that gets him flagged, and I think the OP already knew that as well.

She was just asking for ideas to help address one of the specific challenges that her son faces.

Originally Posted by LyrinMeow

But these people forget they are talking to someone with Autism and ADHD. At school he would be like "We are out of milk" or "we are out of mac and cheese" so they think I can't afford to buy milk and mac and cheese and call me to ask if I need access to social services. I'm like omfg no. He just won't tell ME (the person who does the shopping) we are out of milk he tells YOU. And again, it's because he ate it all in 2 days again.

I can only imagine what kind of mom they think I am. -_-

[LyrinMeow]

Just ignore allesandro1. They kick puppies.

We made it a full week today with changing clothes! Progress!

When asked to think a minute about why he wasn't changing he responded with: I forget. He says he has no preference for materials and tags don't bother him. It just appears to be ADHD brain.

I think I'll have him set up a reminder on his phone. And put one on mine just to be safe.

His nails are short right now. However, up until, say maybe 4 months ago he would bite them down until there was nothing there so he never got used to cutting them. He also has motor skills issues so I don't think he can do his right hand by himself yet. Or I haven't seen him do it. He could be pulling one over on me to only do half the work.

Thanks for all the tips, guys!

[ryanolivas]

Woah I didn't expect someone with an age like that having issues with hygiene. Well, If your reminders seems to be uneffected. Better to consult him to a psychologist and know the reason behind it.

[natnatroswell22]

Originally Posted by allesandro1

So, I'm confused because originally you said that she was complaining because he wears the same clothes daily. Now it seems your saying that she is complaining because of his nails. Also, your saying that these clothes he wears every day are also washed daily as well? And he showers and uses deodorant daily as well also? Your sure??

Same question! Very confusing though.

[LyrinMeow]

The nails are a minor complaint. I got them when asking for ANY other issues. And that is what I got. Long nails. Like I said, up until a bit ago he bit them really bad so never had to cut them. So he forgets. It's a new thing for him. I don't really notice the nails (ADHD mom). So now I check his nails when I remember. He's been keeping up with them recently.

And no the clothes he wears aren't washed daily. Never wear the same outfit twice before a wash? I've done it. I just don't do it in a row so no one notices. Jeans you are not supposed to wash after every wear, I've read a few places. To extend the life. He doesn't (usually, it's a possibility) smell. I was not complained to about this. We know he forgets deodorant at home sometimes and I have one for him at school. I'm sure you've never forgotten deodorant either. I keep one in my purse for that exact reason. ADHD before the meds kick in and 5am don't mix well together for remembering sh- That's why he had one at school. Working on remembering with reminders. Although if I am any indication it's best just to bring some deodorant with you.

Yeah. He's 14 an has hygiene problems. Its a not an unheard of issue for these kids. It's just ADHD and ASD. He forgets. He doesn't care I don't think. No social norm pressure. We had the no one likes a stinky friend talk. Over the summer we are practicing.

He has also made a lot of improvements in self reliance in the last few years. This is just not one of the things he's ready to do that with yet I guess. I'll keep working on it with him.

The world isn't ending. I was asking for ways to FIX the problem not have people to harass me over it.

[sarahsweets]

I do not know why things arent more clear for other people. Lyne said that he showers and wears clean clothes even if he re-wears an outfit(which I do all the time). She is trying to stay on top of his nails and has extra deodorant. I have deodorant up in my room, the bathroom, my purse and the kitchen because I sweat alot or might forget.