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  #1  
Old 02-16-17, 07:22 PM
sunflower93 sunflower93 is offline
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Question Is it adhd or is he just not interested?

I have been dating this guy since September last year. At the beginning he was really into me and at one point he even told me he wanted to marry me.
Few weeks later he changed his behavior, and started ignoring my texts and not initiating contact. This has lasted until today. I have asked him a couple of times, and one time he blamed his ADHD, whilst the other time he said he was too busy. Too busy to text? It feels like I'm running after him and he's acting passive and not caring at all.

I don't know what to do, since I really like him and want to make it work out.
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  #2  
Old 02-16-17, 10:31 PM
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Re: Is it adhd or is he just not interested?

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Originally Posted by sunflower93 View Post
I have been dating this guy since September last year. At the beginning he was really into me and at one point he even told me he wanted to marry me.
Telling you and doing it are not the same thing.

Quote:
Few weeks later he changed his behavior, and started ignoring my texts and not initiating contact. This has lasted until today. I have asked him a couple of times, and one time he blamed his ADHD, whilst the other time he said he was too busy. Too busy to text? It feels like I'm running after him and he's acting passive and not caring at all.

I don't know what to do, since I really like him and want to make it work out.
I suggest let him go. It doesnt matter if its adhd, another girl, busy life or plain douche baggery- save yourself the energy and heart ache.
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  #3  
Old 02-17-17, 12:54 AM
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Re: Is it adhd or is he just not interested?

My view is that if you have to ask, then no, he's not that into you ...

Assume that ambivalence is a no. You save a lot of time that way.

Tone
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Old 02-17-17, 05:33 AM
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Re: Is it adhd or is he just not interested?

Punt him.
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Old 02-17-17, 06:16 AM
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Re: Is it adhd or is he just not interested?

Well his ignoring of you is certainly working in his favour if it has you chasing after him. That sort of thing can occur a lot in relationships.
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Old 02-17-17, 06:50 AM
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Re: Is it adhd or is he just not interested?

Thanks for your answers.
I remember one time I saw his facebook inbox and it was literally full of unread messages. So I know for sure that I'm not the only one he's doing this to, and I've noticed our mutual friends have also complained about the same thing.
Whenever I'm with him he's so in the moment. It's like nothing exists except me. But when we say lur goodbyes it's back to me chasing him. Frustrating.
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Old 02-17-17, 03:29 PM
dvdnvwls dvdnvwls is offline
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Re: Is it adhd or is he just not interested?

If you knew for sure that this was 100% caused by ADHD, would that really change your mind about anything? Would it make you decide to stick with him? Would that be a good thing?
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Old 02-17-17, 05:23 PM
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Re: Is it adhd or is he just not interested?

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Originally Posted by dvdnvwls View Post
If you knew for sure that this was 100% caused by ADHD, would that really change your mind about anything? Would it make you decide to stick with him? Would that be a good thing?
There is a huge difference to whether it is solely caused by his ADHD, or if he is simply being a douchebag. I would at least try to understand and maybe figure things out with him.
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Old 02-17-17, 06:52 PM
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Re: Is it adhd or is he just not interested?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunflower93 View Post
I have been dating this guy since September last year. At the beginning he was really into me and at one point he even told me he wanted to marry me.
Few weeks later he changed his behavior, and started ignoring my texts and not initiating contact. This has lasted until today. I have asked him a couple of times, and one time he blamed his ADHD, whilst the other time he said he was too busy. Too busy to text? It feels like I'm running after him and he's acting passive and not caring at all.

I don't know what to do, since I really like him and want to make it work out.
Quick read based on your post.
  • During the 5 months you have made it clear to him that you liked him and want to pursue a relationship.
  • After 5 months if he wanted a relationship, you would have one.
  • Taking another step, does this happen to you "kinda often" with relationships. Not saying this is the case at all. If it does happen kinda often, there may be an issue on your side too.

HTH, -LN
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Old 02-17-17, 07:16 PM
sunflower93 sunflower93 is offline
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Re: Is it adhd or is he just not interested?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Nut View Post
Quick read based on your post.
  • During the 5 months you have made it clear to him that you liked him and want to pursue a relationship.
  • After 5 months if he wanted a relationship, you would have one.
  • Taking another step, does this happen to you "kinda often" with relationships. Not saying this is the case at all. If it does happen kinda often, there may be an issue on your side too.

HTH, -LN
First time I experience this
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Old 02-17-17, 07:33 PM
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Re: Is it adhd or is he just not interested?

Too busy to text? Completely possible. Texting diverts my attention from what I'm trying to focus on so I often will glance at a message to make sure it doesn't need immediate attention, later on when I have the time I forget to respond.

Not initiating contact though. That's a concern. When I'm into someone I physically go see them. Its rare for me to make a plan, but if I know my gf is feeling neglected or if I know I have time off and want to spend it with her, then I will make an effort to call her and make the plan. I'm more likely to show up unannounced and hope she's available, but either way I initiate contact as much or more then she does.
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Old 02-17-17, 09:23 PM
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Re: Is it adhd or is he just not interested?

To be honest, he sounds like he's a jerk with you -- you deserve better. Do you want to be part of that? I wouldn't want to marry a guy like that. There are other fish out there to catch. Toss him back in the water and let him go. Time to move on.
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Old 02-18-17, 12:26 AM
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Re: Is it adhd or is he just not interested?

I sometimes stop communicating when I'm scared and don't know what to do. I get afraid that maybe I've messed things up so badly that there's no solution. There are very few people who haven't had that from me at some time or another. Even my mother was once really worried about me because I hadn't called her in so long.
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Old 02-18-17, 05:03 PM
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Re: Is it adhd or is he just not interested?

Quote:
Originally Posted by dvdnvwls View Post
I sometimes stop communicating when I'm scared and don't know what to do. I get afraid that maybe I've messed things up so badly that there's no solution. There are very few people who haven't had that from me at some time or another. Even my mother was once really worried about me because I hadn't called her in so long.
Sounds like the guy I'm talking about. He hasn't even talked to his parents for several months now
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Old 02-23-17, 09:04 PM
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Re: Is it adhd or is he just not interested?

Maybe he has undiagnosed Aspergers too let him go kinda in your same deal we live together though mine just rather do his day to day routine do not text him no more do not tolerate the mess men normally are bad social Any how in needs the skills training or he was a players
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