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Primary & Secondary Education This forum is for parents to discuss issues related to their children's education and AD/HD.

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Old 06-03-11, 12:16 PM
Bella'sMom Bella'sMom is offline
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<rant> Bad day in Bella-land!

This was a long post, but bottom line, Bella cried for half an hour before school today, refused to go in, clung to the car, to me, to the pillars outside. Twice before when she's been that hysterical, I've taken her home, but my husband gives me grief over that. So today, I carried her in, signed her in (she fought so long she made herself 10 minutes late even though we arrived 15 minutes early.

She ran back out of the school and the hysteria continued. I am recovering from a broken leg, can walk but not run, so I had to keep calling her to me. It was more than 10 minutes before the school finally sent someone out to help coax her inside, and we walked her to the door together, but in the end, her teacher had to CARRY her into the school, PRY her hands from my clothes, and I had to leave her like that.

What's the right answer? The school board is already on us because she's late so often (usually only by seconds because she gets distracted walking from my car to the door, but they don't care, late is late in their book.) Twice now I've just given up and taken her home when she's that upset, but we are only allowed 6 absences per semester, and I don't want her truant on top of tardy! Plus, I don't want her (or her baby sister) thinking that throwing tantrums will get them out of anything.

The secretaries were giving me stink-eye for bringing her in like that, but I didn't know what else to do?!?!?

It was heart wrenching. She was hysterical. All she wanted was her Mommy. Walking away from a child who's screaming for you while a teacher physically restrains her so she cant run after you!!????

I've asked her clinical social worker (behavioural therapist) to put in a consult for a psychiatrist to explore meds... her impulsive behaviors have become dangerous (playing with fire and climbing out the window to go to the neighbor's house, to name just a few.)

I'm scared! I'm so afraid she's going to get hurt, but I'm also SO angry that the school system. If I had screamed at her, they'd say I was abusive. I was calm with her and they acted like I'm too soft. They marked her tardy, AGAIN, even though we were clearly visible outside the door for long before the bell rang. I brought her in and they gave me attitude, if I'd taken her home, they would call her truant!

All I want is for my little girl to be happy and safe.
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Old 06-03-11, 01:03 PM
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Re: <rant> Bad day in Bella-land!

I could have written your post when my granddaughter was in 1st grade. Even though she had a tentative diagnosis of Atypical Autism and clearly (to our perception) she needed a lot of help, the principal in her lofty first-year-in-our-school-wisdom decided to mainstream her into the toughest classroom in the building. We should not have left her there for a whole year - but we were so new at all this we didn't know what our rights were - and we didn't know how bad it was. We were used to meltdowns at home so we thought it was normal for her to have meltdowns at school. It shouldn't be - they have way more experience than we do.


Does your daughter have a diagnosis yet? Does she have an intervention plan in place (504 Plan or IEP)? If not the FIRST thing you must do is ask for one. Having a diagnosis helps, but the school must do an evaluation if you ask for one. They need to be helping you - and they need to be helping your daughter!


For the last two years my granddaughter has spent most of her day in the special ed room with an aide to help her. I love that at our school the teachers stand at the doors and welcome the kids. They're all familiar with my granddaughter by now and help when they see that she's very stressed and doesn't want to be there.

We've had some days when we let her stay home, but we've had days when we took her to school instead of letting her ride the bus, and we've walked her to her classroom and just hung out and visited for a bit. Most days she manages to stay and work, but some days they have to call us to come and take her home - usually if she's getting sick. Autistic kids have a really hard time with self-awareness and communication so we have to watch for signs when she's getting sick.


We finally started giving my granddaughter meds to help balance her moods and to help with her anxiety. A hard decision to make, and we've switched meds since and are thinking we need to go back to the previous one.

Good luck with getting the school to be on your daughter's side and helping her feel happy to be in school.
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Old 06-03-11, 01:15 PM
Bella'sMom Bella'sMom is offline
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Re: <rant> Bad day in Bella-land!

That's the kicker, she's recently diagnosed, has a 504, and sees a behavioral therapist *in school.* In fact, she missed her session Tuesday because of a melt-down, I gave in and brought her home, and today is her make-up session with her therapist. This will be her last session of the year and it's important because we're trying to figure out what we will do over the summer, what we will do next year if she's at another school, etc.
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Old 06-03-11, 02:37 PM
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Re: <rant> Bad day in Bella-land!

Oh yes the screaming I-don't-want-to-go-to-school tantrums!

When my daughter was in kindergarten it would take 2 people to get her to school sometimes, one holding under her arms and one holding her legs. We would have to dump her in the car, sometimes with no shoes, and take her into the classroom ourslves.

The teacher was a saint, just an amazing understanding woman who had been teaching longer than I had been alive.

It only took a few times before our daughter realized that we were serious, she WAS GOING TO SCHOOL.

If she has a 504 then tell whomever is in charge that you NEED assistance in the am, as soon as your daughter gets there.

I agree with your husband, she needs to know that she must go to school. She needs it to be a consistant arrival routine, so she knows full well what to expect.
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Old 06-09-11, 09:00 PM
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Re: <rant> Bad day in Bella-land!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Luvmybully View Post
If she has a 504 then tell whomever is in charge that you NEED assistance in the am, as soon as your daughter gets there.

I agree with your husband, she needs to know that she must go to school. She needs it to be a consistant arrival routine, so she knows full well what to expect.
I have to agree with this. If you have a 504 in place it is the schools responsiblity (under federal law) to follow it. I would request a meeting with whom ever is the 504 coordinator of her school to ad something about arrival time to school. Do you drive her to school or does she take the bus (not that it matters)? they could have a staff member meet you by the entrance and walk her to class and help get her settled in. After a few times of you not giving in and reiterating that she must go to school and making her go the tatrums will disapate (she will learn that is what is expected and is requiered of her).

I hope this helps some or at least sets your mind at ease some
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