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  #46  
Old 08-19-17, 07:07 AM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

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  #47  
Old 08-19-17, 07:08 AM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

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Originally Posted by acdc01 View Post
Anonymouslyadd, hate to say it but I think you should let go of the cards if you can still perform ok without them (even if you can perform better with).

I've worked with 2 severe control freaks before, controlling cause of their own personal insecurities.

Only one way to make them happy, nod and agree with everything they want. Tell them their ideas are good. And a third that won't work alone but in combination with the above, suck up to them. It doesn't happen overnight and thry never love you more than others but they do relax their grip some. You are completely going against her wishes if you get someone else to approve your cards. It will make her dislike you even more.

That said, I only had the strength to do the above with one of them. The other, I reported and he completely backed off after that. This was actually by far the most effective method but only works if your company supports you over her which im not sure they would since shes in charge od your actions. They did for me because I had the support of another higher up at the time who witnessed his actions.
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  #48  
Old 08-21-17, 11:04 PM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

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Is the marketing girl the one who makes decisions about whether you can interact with customers this way?
I think so.
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  #49  
Old 08-21-17, 11:17 PM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

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Originally Posted by acdc01 View Post
Anonymouslyadd, hate to say it but I think you should let go of the cards if you can still perform ok without them (even if you can perform better with).

I've worked with 2 severe control freaks before, controlling cause of their own personal insecurities.

Only one way to make them happy, nod and agree with everything they want. Tell them their ideas are good. And a third that won't work alone but in combination with the above, suck up to them. It doesn't happen overnight and thry never love you more than others but they do relax their grip some. You are completely going against her wishes if you get someone else to approve your cards. It will make her dislike you even more.

That said, I only had the strength to do the above with one of them. The other, I reported and he completely backed off after that. This was actually by far the most effective method but only works if your company supports you over her which im not sure they would since shes in charge of your actions. If they support her over you, it'll have the opposite effect and get you in trouble. They did support me because I had the support of another higher up at the time who witnessed his actions.

Are you doing anything fun this weekend? Maybe it'd help to relax and make yourself forget and feel better somehow.
I do need to add more fun things to my days when I'm off from work, and there is something about her that really bothers me.

The marketing girl received the brownies and card. She loved them. She made a big deal about it and the CFO and President heard about it. They both praised me.

Whether I'm allowed to use the cards as a relationship building tool, I'm going to send them to people I work with. I like the idea of doing things a little different and showing appreciation to others. I sent a card to my coworker a week before last.

I'm really having a difficult time letting this go. It's not just the cards. It's everything else. I found out that one of my newest customers had a service issue without him calling us about it. What did she do? She criticized me over not telling him to call us about the issue. I still brought it to their attention.

She just doesn't like a lot of what I do. It's not just me either. She's like that with my coworker. She doesn't like people questioning her authority. She's got a very negative lens that she sees life through I guess. It's all negative.
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  #50  
Old 08-21-17, 11:52 PM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

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Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd View Post
She just doesn't like a lot of what I do. It's not just me either. She's like that with my coworker. She doesn't like people questioning her authority. She's got a very negative lens that she sees life through I guess. It's all negative.
You know, I thought she singled you out but if she's not singling you out, then that makes it less for you to worry about.

If she doesn't single you out, if her opinion of you (regardless of whether she's your boss or not) won't get you fired or pay/promotion potential lowered then there is isnt too much to worry about. Course it's alway better to have everyone like you but that can't always happen.

Is she ticked off you sent that card to the marketing person? One of my ex-bosses would have been ticked off though he would have kept a well polished veneer of a smile on his face.

Also, if you think she's not going to want you to do something you really want to do, maybe you can share the idea in a public setting first, before she tells you no. If the marketing girl and president had liked the cards before she was against it, she would never have asked you not to send them out and she wouldn't have had anything to be ticked off at you about cause there would be nothing for you to defy. I'd pick a public setting where she is sitting at the meeting too that way it doesn't look like you are going behind her back and she can see everyone's support.
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  #51  
Old 08-22-17, 12:10 AM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

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Originally Posted by acdc01 View Post
You know, I thought she singled you out but if she's not singling you out, then that makes it less for you to worry about.

If she doesn't single you out, if her opinion of you (regardless of whether she's your boss or not) won't get you fired or pay/promotion potential lowered then there is isnt too much to worry about. Course it's alway better to have everyone like you but that can't always happen.

Is she ticked off you sent that card to the marketing person? One of my ex-bosses would have been ticked off though he would have kept a well polished veneer of a smile on his face.
I think she doesn't like me the most, but she gets mad at my coworker too.

I'm not sure if she was upset. She'd never show it, though. She's very professional looking and polite. She's also no longer responsible for the cards. How big of a fool would she look by making a comment about it?
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Also, if you think she's not going to want you to do something you really want to do, maybe you can share the idea in a public setting first, before she tells you no. If the marketing girl and president had liked the cards before she was against it, she would never have asked you not to send them out and she wouldn't have had anything to be ticked off at you about cause there would be nothing for you to defy. I'd pick a public setting where she is sitting at the meeting too that way it doesn't look like you are going behind her back and she can see everyone's support.
Good point and something to consider moving forward. I think the problem is that I began listening to her to begin with. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have anything to worry about.
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Old 08-22-17, 12:38 PM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

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I'm not sure if she was upset. She'd never show it, though. She's very professional looking and polite. She's also no longer responsible for the cards. How big of a fool would she look by making a comment about it?
Haha. Well, you got your card thing I guess. Polite and professional. She sounds like my ex boss who definitely would be fuming deep inside with a cheery smile on his face.

I'm getting the feeling things aren't as bad off as you felt originally. You think that's true?

I'd still pick my battles wisely though. Some things aren't worth the fight so if it really doesn't affect your performance that much, I'd compromise sometimes.
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  #53  
Old 08-23-17, 04:43 AM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

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I think so.
I would make sure so she doesnt get the wrong idea about the brownies and card.
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  #54  
Old 08-24-17, 10:12 PM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

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I would make sure so she doesnt get the wrong idea about the brownies and card.
Do you mean so that she doesn't think that I like her?
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Old 08-25-17, 04:30 AM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

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Do you mean so that she doesn't think that I like her?
Yes. Also so she doesnt think you are overstepping your bounds as far as dealing with clients in that way.
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  #56  
Old 08-28-17, 09:37 PM
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Re: How to handle a controlling coworker

I had a talk with my pseudo-boss today. She got me during my lunch about something I hadn't done. Then, I brought in a list of things that I'd done and asked her how I was supposed to accomplish them in addition to that task. I told her that I couldn't accomplish all of things that I was trying to accomplish in addition to doing the task that she wanted me to do.

By bringing the list in, I hoped she would see all that I'd accomplished over the course of 4.5 hours, but it didn't work. She basically said that she could have accomplished what I said I couldn't do. She then proceeded to help me with a schedule.
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