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Old 09-22-20, 08:30 PM
RMSLover420 RMSLover420 is offline

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learned to focus. now coping with previous years.

I did it; I've achieved consistent focus. I am 19 years old, and I feel my previous 18 years were lacking. I have plenty of fond memories and had loads of fun, but I never reached my max potential. See, I've always had trouble focusing. I engaged in exciting activity daily, just playing video games. Competitive Counter Strike was a blast. Rhythem games were frusturating but just as rewarding. Oh, and Realm of the Mad God, a fantastic MMO. I played and played games, but never reached the upper levels. I've heard plenty of times about "hyperfocus", but could never achieve it. I'd stare at math questions, essays, source code, or anything requiring lots of brain power. It'd take me longer than what others seemed to complete faster than me, and it was frusturating. My memory was terrible, too. I felt years behind others.

A month ago, I decided to wear heavy duty earmuffs, like those high performance m3 ones construction workers wear. I'm in an entirely different world. I've ascended; became an animaster, an interdimentional monk. My memory, short term and long term, have transcended. I remember when I placed things from a day before, recite text after a glimpse, remember layouts, street names, methods, etc. I can focus on anything, as long as I'm wearing my legendary earmuffs. I thought it was the exclusion of the hearing sense, but no. I wear IEMs inside them(good god, it allows me to play quake 3). It seems to be a mix of the clamp pressure, isolation, and lack of background noise. I don't beileve I've become a better person. I believe I've became the best version of myself.

I can't stop thinking about how much time I've wasted. Not just because I played nothing but video games, but because I never reached my "max potential" from everything I interacted with: school, friends, hobbies, etc. Estimated years of my life based on arbitrary guesses: 5-6 years. I can't stop idealizing my child and teen years. Becoming a go-getter seems to be my greatest choice to make up the "wasted years". You could say I'm being too self centered. I believe it's healthy to care about myself as an individual. Arrrggg I could've created so many things. Ahhhhhh. Past is over. Can't stop thinking about it! I'm writing this with my head down and eyes closed as I couldn't sleep and thought sharing this would help me cope.

I promise to myself to compensate for my "wasted years". I'll start tomorrow. In a month, I'll look back at my huge progress. I'll stop thinking about it.
btw i had depression and wasnt diagnosed until 16 so that made a big difference in life. sorry for the blog post and cringe reddit spacing. thought it'd help me.
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Old 10-07-20, 11:08 PM
acdc01 acdc01 is offline
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Re: learned to focus. now coping with previous years.

Congratulations on finding something that helps you so much. That is great news.

i wouldn’t worry about your time wasted. You are actually still very young and you really haven’t wasted much time at all.
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Old 10-08-20, 05:20 AM
jmilly jmilly is offline
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Re: learned to focus. now coping with previous years.

Thank you for sharing your story with us, I'm glad that with your own decision and patience, you are able to get over your past failures and now you're making your new journey that you ever wanted. Congrats!
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