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Old 05-12-15, 10:54 AM
Infp86 Infp86 is offline
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Red face How do I move forward?

I need some people to chime in here, there have got to be guys in my situation, or who have at least been there.

I'm 29 and my life is a mess. I've been diagnosed with inattentive ADD and generalized anxiety disorder for 10 years now. Since graduating high school I have never been able to make it as far as a career goes. I did not go to college, my parents divorced the year I graduated due to my father developing a drug addiction and I think the idea of more school was just to much to consider, since high school had almost been impossible.

Since that point I have just drifted from job to job, usually at about 1 year intervals, continuously being fired for "careless" errors and forgetfulness. This has literally plagued my life as I want nothing more than to just be able to make it somewhere. No matter what system I try to develop for myself, these issues slip through. I have always been medicated, and have tried almost every ADHD medicine and anti-depressant under the sun. Currently I am on a Effexor and Vyvanse and it seems to help the most, although is almost not affordable. Most stimulant medicines cause me to crash so bad I am unable to function and only last about 2 hours when in effect.

Right now I am on the verge of losing another job. This one is an office/cubicle based sales role ( all of my jobs have been of this type). Clerical errors is the term this time. Honestly, I do not know where to turn after this one. My resume has been ruined from such spotty history. Employers take on look at it and say, why have you never stayed anywhere longer than a year? I don't know if I have the strength to start over again. My dad is now terminally ill with cancer and trying to start over while dealing with this sounds almost impossible. Does anyone struggle with a similar issue? How did you overcome it? What type of work did you find that you were able to excel in? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Old 05-12-15, 02:43 PM
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Re: How do I move forward?

I can relate,
we are about the same age, i also tried countless of medications but the difference is that i never found any that really works..i mean, Adderal worked for me to an extent but the side effects were insufferable - it made me focus a little bit better but with for the price of elevated anxieties, not practical to say the least, so i don't use any medications now.

My ADHD\Anxieties have affected all of the aspects of my life, i have dropped out of college after a single semester, i have been switching jobs every 1-1.5 years and these jobs are usually low level jobs which i manage to do ok in although the stress and forgetfulness during work makes me anxious.

I usually try to disguise my unstable performance in my job by humor and trying to have good relations with my supervisors, it works to an extent but that's no a solution.
I can do a good job but it's hard for me to multitask, so even if i do something remarkable in one field at work, i tend to neglect other aspect and it comes back at me from time to time, and as i said before it takes a lot of effort and stress me out.

I got into a point that i started looking at jobs abroad instead in my home country, and i find it useful since i get to see new places and meet new people which adds a little bit of interest to my confused and anxious life......it doesn't make me progress professionally but just makes my life a little bit more interesting and changing atmosphere can usually make you feel a little better.

All in all, i'm at the same crossroads as you, i don't really have a bigger plan, just floating from place to place wondering how will i make a living when i'll be 40, and can't stand the thought of doing these low level jobs forever.
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Old 05-13-15, 07:56 AM
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Re: How do I move forward?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Infp86 View Post
I need some people to chime in here, there have got to be guys in my situation, or who have at least been there.

I'm 29 and my life is a mess. I've been diagnosed with inattentive ADD and generalized anxiety disorder for 10 years now. Since graduating high school I have never been able to make it as far as a career goes. I did not go to college, my parents divorced the year I graduated due to my father developing a drug addiction and I think the idea of more school was just to much to consider, since high school had almost been impossible.

Since that point I have just drifted from job to job, usually at about 1 year intervals, continuously being fired for "careless" errors and forgetfulness. This has literally plagued my life as I want nothing more than to just be able to make it somewhere. No matter what system I try to develop for myself, these issues slip through. I have always been medicated, and have tried almost every ADHD medicine and anti-depressant under the sun. Currently I am on a Effexor and Vyvanse and it seems to help the most, although is almost not affordable. Most stimulant medicines cause me to crash so bad I am unable to function and only last about 2 hours when in effect.

Right now I am on the verge of losing another job. This one is an office/cubicle based sales role ( all of my jobs have been of this type). Clerical errors is the term this time. Honestly, I do not know where to turn after this one. My resume has been ruined from such spotty history. Employers take on look at it and say, why have you never stayed anywhere longer than a year? I don't know if I have the strength to start over again. My dad is now terminally ill with cancer and trying to start over while dealing with this sounds almost impossible. Does anyone struggle with a similar issue? How did you overcome it? What type of work did you find that you were able to excel in? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Hi. First of all, I am sorry about your condition: on top of ADHD you are in a very very stressful life situation with a closed-one very ill . What can I say? If you can afford:

1) Book yourself a time for therapy: individual or group. It gives you strength when you have a forum in which to talk. You have immense stress upon you, under which even a "normal", healthy person would probably have difficulties going forward.

2) Have you tried a non-stimulant medication for your ADHD (Strattera)?

3) Try to list the things in which you are interested / what kind of things motivate you (sounds blah, blah, blah, but really can be a life saver, when you realize that this is what ticks me!). For example, ironically to me, I like fast-tempo sales work; even though I am ADD, have suffered SAD/anxiety for years: it keeps me awake, and I get fast response in sales. I can fall in sleep when it is slow.

4) Try to make lists of things you need to do, make it a routine. If you need to do phone-calls, reserve yourself a particular day for that and force yourself to do it.

5) Have you tried to tell the ADHD to your employer (be careful, consider it calmly though)? If u decide to tell, make it wisely: do not fall in self-pity, suggest yourself (for example: could you have a silent room if you are delicate for noises, could you have a suspension seat (you can bounce up and down, it can ease your inner restlessness), could you have some routine task days/meeting day etc.)

These came to my mind. They are based on my own experience, my own way of coping with this disease/malfunction/whatever. I think you need to cope with basic things first with a therapist, you need help for sure.

Like said I have unmedicated ADHD-I (ADD), SAD (sertraline/Zoloft 25 mg/day). I have had a history of burn-outs in worklife, I am 38-y-old, masters degree in chem.engineering with highest grades. But the work-life has sort of went not so well compared to the expectations. I have had 1-2 years work stints, now working in a tiny family-owned import company, doing technical sales. I get very interested when enquiries come and I try to sell, but almost fall in sleep, when nothing interesting is around. I have had therapy ( 3years, group therapy, worked fine!), I train like mad which helps me a lot, also.

Sorry, if the msg. is not so orderly. I wrote the text in 15 mins in a row... Would say veeeery typical...

All the best.
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Old 05-13-15, 11:52 AM
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Re: How do I move forward?

To answer the question above, yes I have. I am currently in a "reduced work load" but that will end June 1st. That is all the employer was willing to do. Kind of sucks.
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Old 05-13-15, 12:03 PM
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Re: How do I move forward?

Stop getting the same jobs you suck at.
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Old 05-13-15, 02:05 PM
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Re: How do I move forward?

I'm sorry that you are going through this difficult time and my thoughts are with you in regards to your dad.

For me personally I only exist today because I found the right medicine and dosage to assist me and give me the best chance of success. I'm AD(H)D with anxiety and depression. I was diagnosed at 6 years old in 1969 when there was little to nothing known about our disorder(s).
Before medication I suffered much like you and millions of others in the world.

I reached the end of my rope 20 years or so ago. After addiction, divorce and incarceration due to my anger I finally surrendered and turned my life around.

I started educating myself as much as possible in regards to my disorders
I cleaned my diet stopped using alcohol and recreational drugs
I started exercising daily
I focused on getting consistent quality sleep

It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life but if I didn't do it I would not be here today.

It took me a while to find the right combination of medication that helped me the best but I refused to stop until I found it.
It's not a magical formula and I still have to work very hard to accomplish what others do with ease but I'm happy and healthy today and I will never go back to where I was.

That also meant changing my career for a job that better fit me. We can't tell you what that is, you have to find that out for yourself!

You are headed in the right direction by coming on here and reaching out for help.

Keep fighting and I wish good things for you!

“Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.”
- John Wooden
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Old 05-13-15, 07:50 PM
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Re: How do I move forward?

I agree with previous posters that therapy would probably help and also finding what kind of job you like and would be good at. Tmoney is right that no one can give you that answer, but there might be ways to get help from people whose job it is to help guide others into figuring out the answer. I think I saw that you're in Cincinnati, and doing a quick search for Career Centers there, I found there's a One Stop Career Center that, which is part of a federal workforce development program to help un- and underemployed people to get better jobs. They usually have free or low cost services which might include career counseling or suggestions of different training programs for specific jobs that there are a lot of in your area or resume and interview preparation. Anyway, it might be someplace to check out: http://http://www.omj-cinham.org/job...rs/services-2/
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Old 05-14-15, 11:54 AM
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Re: How do I move forward?

Dear Infp! (I'm an INFP too! although sometimes I test as INFJ. So really INFX)

I wanted to write back to you when I had time to really think about it first. I don't think there is an easy answer for what's going on, but I think there are many possibilities. I sense though from what you say that you are majorly distressed and depressed about it.

Do you have any support and help? You don't have to answer, but kind of think of what actual support you could possibly get and ask for. If you do not have much support at all, then you really need to get some! Because I think sometimes we tend to forget to even ask for help, since we have some perception of negativity in certain directions. It's a generalized sense of negativity that can build, I think. But it can put an otherwise "coping individual" into a state of less possible actions, hence inaction.

When I say "help", I mean anything from encouraging words to good advice to practical helps and most importantly, therapy and coaching for your ADHD and low motivation issue. I'm all into this guy named Russell Barkley lately who has the most amazing presentation from a 2012 speaking engagement, and he explains how we are cognitively challenged in areas such as feeling motivated, perceiving the consequences of inaction or impulsive action, as well as other major areas that affect how we can read social situations (which work is partly based on, darn it). What is cool is how he gives you tons of hope, by comparing how people with ADHD can be hugely motivated by things like video games, where the consequences and rewards are immediate and reinforcing of a pleasurable experience of effort. We are majorly capable therefore, of motivation beyond what others are capable, but we can't connect into it easily except in our narrow interest areas, etc. But what if you could figure out how to instill an artificial but highly effective motivational system in your life?

I hope that makes sense! I've thought a great deal about this in regards to how I feel often. I have a huge need to straighten out my life at age 44, and suddenly my sole support in life is terribly ill with cancer. I have a young daughter who depends on me. So my urge to change is paramount to me at this time.

One thing i have contemplated, is... if I could somehow simplify my finances and reduce debt, then could I work a very simple job of the type I know I can handle better and I actually enjoy?

In the past, my favorite jobs were fairly lowly, but when I was a support figure for someone who owned their own business. I knew this guy when I was younger, just from having heard there was a job available, and he owned his own pizza shop. He was only around age 22 too! He was the same age as me, and they had like 3 people who worked different shifts with him. I enjoyed opening up the shop with him because he was actually really a nice guy and would talk to me and offer me a brownie and stuff. I guess it helped that I was cute back then (LOL) but still, I think he was cool to anyone who worked with him.

The pay was minimum wage, but I bet if I had been willing to work more hours or work in a manager role at times, he would have paid me a bit more.

Another job I ATE UP and loved to pieces was shelving books at the library. Again, this doesn't pay that much but if you could work this job, and maybe even have another part time job, it would pay the basic bills. (depending on where you live).

I also have considered working night as a security gaurd (probably requires some kind of training?) or working nights at a convenience store. It would be weird, but weird in a good kind of "risky feeling" way. Risk can keep a person like me on my toes.

Another option is to look for other jobs for small business people (not necessarily food service) where I can actually enjoy the sense of helping out the individual. It's weird how much I enjoy that. I would feel better in a small business I think, if the person involved is cool and I'm not required to be responsible for "all the money" for example. I wouldn't enjoy that.

I wonder if anyone else has suggestions for jobs, like anything a person can do when needing money bad and they don't really enjoy working with other people. I find people too distracting from my job! It's a terrible problem for me.
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Old 06-30-15, 04:21 AM
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Exclamation Re: How do I move forward?

"the verge of losing another job. This one is an office/cubicle based sales role ( all of my jobs have been of this type)."

Your office job is killing you and you have to get out of it. It's an extremely poor fit for someone with ADD to be doing inside sales. I know because I did it for years at some of the biggest tech companies in the world. It was hell!

Don't do what I did and let another 5 to 10 years go by. Inside sales is nothing more than a glorified office admin position, no matter how they try to sell it. It would be better for you to find a "transition job" until you figure all this out.

You'll want to find a job that's physical in nature and not all mental work and being chained to your desk all day, stop that madness. Office work or to be more specific - "paper pushing" - is a total killer... you were not made for it so stop torturing yourself. That's what I would have told my 29 year old self so I'm passing it along.

The prime directive, as I see it, for any young man is to find himself - and then finding himself he finds his life's work.

I'm a huge believer in great therapy... find the very best you can find, for that can make all the difference. ADD as you know is a very complicated condition and shows up in many different unique combinations so having a great therapist to help you unlock this mystery of yourself to yourself it priceless.


Things that worked for me to crack the career code were:

*Taking a "conscious sabbatical" to get to the bottom of all of it (my ADD, career, etc..) once and for all. It can be done. I saved up money and prepared for one year then quit.

*Vipassana Meditation: https://www.dhamma.org/en-US/about/vipassana

*Extended periods of time in nature -- nature has a profound healing effect on the soul.

*Intensive Cognitive Behavior therapy and EMDR https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_mo...d_reprocessing

*Extended solo travel.

*Selling everything I had, quitting my job, and starting all over again.


Not for everybody I know but for me it worked.


Book recommendation:

Driven to Distraction at Work: How to Focus and Be More Productive Hardcover – January 6, 2015
by Ned Hallowell

Healing the Shame that Binds You (Recovery Classics) Paperback – October 15, 2005
by John Bradshaw
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Old 07-02-15, 02:33 PM
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Re: How do I move forward?

Maybe you can learn a trade and do manual labour? Your outside but the training will be filled with theory I guess.

General Advice is with ADHD
-eat leafy vegetables, avoid gluten, breads of all kind, eat alot of nuts, avoid sugar
I suppose you know this already
these cost alot and unless your rich you most likely can't do these on a regular basis
-travel very often once a week to give your brain a change in perspective
-adrenaline activites like parachuting, motorcycling, exploring the local environment with your car

Advice dealing with other people:
-Learn how to hold eye contact, train it in front of the mirror it's hard though

there are talk groups like toastmasters and such but the challenge is to go there regulary..

You can also go self employed but its hard as hell
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Old 07-02-15, 03:00 PM
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Re: How do I move forward?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LethalFocus View Post
General Advice is with ADHD
-eat leafy vegetables, avoid gluten, breads of all kind, eat alot of nuts, avoid sugar
I suppose you know this already
these cost alot and unless your rich you most likely can't do these on a regular basis
Just want to share that leafy greens can easily be grown in pots, bought on sale, caught at the end of the day for discounted prices at farmer's markets, foraged for in the wild (or any lawn/land space that isn't treated with harmful chemicals) for free, and most peeps who grow them are more than willing to barter and share. Nuts are sold in bulk in many places now. Catching a sale on them is always your wallet's best bet. You definitely don't have to be rich to eat healthier cleaner foods. Especially once you stop buying the other stuff.
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Old 07-03-15, 05:06 PM
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Re: How do I move forward?

Diet is really important.
The job that I have at the moment is delivery stock to the surrounding country areas. So it's outside, driving alone lonely roads and a lot of physical work when I arrive at the destination.
I love physical work but I have to have a mental challenge as well.
The medical aspect is important. I won't go into it here because the other posters have gone into it.
I've never found a great therapist but I have a great support structure.
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Old 07-04-15, 04:36 PM
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Re: How do I move forward?

If you tried all sorts of ADHD medication, I suppose you already tried long-acting ones too? Maybe those will work better since you crash after 8-12 hours, not 2. Also, I take a beta-blocker for anxiety and it's much better for me than my previous med (a SSRI). If you tried those and they didn't work, I have no advice.

I was lucky that I found job as a debt recovery officer in a company that had pretty good paying customers... I didn't have much workload and every mistake I made was fixable. When I gave customers phone calls for nothing or I gave them the wrong financial information, they got angry, but they didn't bother to make complains. When I forgot to do something, I always had an excuse. And my boss was really nice and supportive. I don't know how you can pick a place like that though. It's usually a matter of luck.
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Old 07-15-15, 06:55 PM
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Re: How do I move forward?

....there's a book you might "What Color is Your Parachute?" to help you find the right type of job for you .....it is a book that has been around for many years now, but the author constantly updates it to go with the changing times and technology .....get the latest book you can .....and you can go to Amazon ...the 2014 paperback is available for $2.51 with $4 shipping .....


....by the time you go through all the questions he asks you to think about ....you'll have a much better idea of what direction you want to go in .....

...I highly recommend it ....and it must help a lot of people, it's been around for at least 25 years ....
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Old 07-16-15, 08:20 AM
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Re: How do I move forward?

The number one thing that helped me was finding the right medication type and dosage. I use to take different meds earlier in my life and I finally realized they were not working for me as well as they should.

I tried different types and dosages until I found what I believed to be the most effective to me. Without the right meds I would have never made it!

I had to find a job that I felt fit me best considering my disorders. Mine was working with kids. It doesn't take a rocket scientist and being a big kid myself I related well with them and I really enjoyed my work, and so I did well!

For me, the key to success living with my disorders was accepting that I am different, being responsible for my disorders, and most importantly modifying my environment to accommodate my life deficiencies caused by my disorders.

Some of us are still in a battle with ourselves hoping that miraculously we will just get better and succeed and that somehow this all will just go away one day.
For me and my disorders that is just simply not the case!
It is an everyday fight that requires discipline and sacrifice in order to be happy and healthy.

I wouldn't have it any other way!

If you haven't read the book Taking Charge of Adult AD(H)D, I recommend it highly!

"Having AD(H)D is not your fault....But accepting it is your responsibility!"
~ Russell A. Barkley

I wish good things for you!
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