My Story of Bipolar

[Lady Shadow]

Hi everyone!

My name is Lady Shadow, and I have Bipolar I Disorder. I just want to say that this has been a very hard journey the past 15 years. I never had bipolar, my whole life, until I turned the age of 24. I had a high paying job and unsupportive boyfriend at the time. I used to drink a lot and I became very depressed. At the advice of my friends and family, I went to a psychiatrist, not really knowing what to expect and carelessly he threw Lexapro at me and shooed me out of his office because I was crying uncontrollably.

The Lexapro did something bad to my brain - I don't know the extent of it but it definitely changed my brain chemistry and patterns forever. I had my first violent manic episode because of that horrible irresponsible psychiatrist and it led to many, many, MANY hospitalizations after that. Needless to say, I lost my job, my apartment, all my friends and my will to live. After I recovered and was med-free for three years after that horrible time, the symptoms came back with a vengeance and it sent BACK into the hospital.

The past 15 years have been a nightmare. I haven't been able to hold a job, and I haven't managed to stay out of the hospital. My last hospitalization was 10 months last year in a terrible, terrible place. I now suffer from PTSD because of it.

All I can say is, be careful if you ever go to a doctor for help. Research the physician beforehand and MAKE SURE he/she is responsible.

You don't want to end up like me.

BUT, on a good note, I have a fantastic supportive family and wonderful partner who have helped me through all the bad times. I have also built up a good amount of friends since then and I am always looking for more.

If you need anything, or in need of friend, I will try my best to help you out.

Peace be with you all.

LS

[sarahsweets]

Welcome to the dark side...

[Lady Shadow]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Welcome to the dark side...

Haha thanks! <3

[TimothyWilson]

Can we prevent it?

[undopaminergic]

In parts, my history resembles yours. I've been in and out of hospitals since 2009, and am currently in the midst of such an episode. I have bipolar I but they are focussing on psychotic episodes and calling it schizophrenia!


-undopaminergic

[Emre22]

Originally Posted by undopaminergic

In parts, my history resembles yours. I've been in and out of hospitals since 2009, and am currently in the midst of such an episode. I have bipolar I but they are focussing on psychotic episodes and calling it schizophrenia!


-undopaminergic

it doesnt matter what they focus on, if your bipolar is not under control(cant have a year without an episode), they will give you similar medicines. There are certain dose of anti-psychotics which are therapeutic for bipolar and schizophernia both together. anti-psychotics are also mood stabilizers , mostly they are combined with mood stabilizers

as i know lithium is gold standart also there are alternatives if you cant use lithium
if they do not prescribe you lithium or other mood stabilizers, it would be a problem but otherwise it doesnt matter what they focus on ,

also believe me that psychosis is very dangerous , you cannot estimate what can it cause, you should prevent it at any cost

if they don't think that you got bipolar , maybe there is a reason , are you visiting same doctor? you are talking about long time , try to stick certain one so your doc can observe you from long term perspective
if they keep an eye on you for years , it is better to trust professionals
sometimes we may feel like "i have that thing" but those kind of insticts or senses are always misleading especially if you dont have any professional background on topic

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by undopaminergic

In parts, my history resembles yours. I've been in and out of hospitals since 2009, and am currently in the midst of such an episode. I have bipolar I but they are focussing on psychotic episodes and calling it schizophrenia!


-undopaminergic

I think when it comes to psychotic episodes its hard to distinguish between bipolar I mania and psychosis and other forms of psychosis and disorders like schizophrenia.

[undopaminergic]

Originally Posted by Emre22

it doesnt matter what they focus on, ...

I suppose, but it's annoying me.

Originally Posted by Emre22

... anti-psychotics are also mood stabilizers , ...

I regard them as "antimanics".

Originally Posted by Emre22

... if they do not prescribe you lithium or other mood stabilizers, ...

No lithium, but lamotrigine.

As for antipsychotics, I'm on several, but the most effective is the antidepressant trimipramine.

Originally Posted by Emre22

also believe me that psychosis is very dangerous , you cannot estimate what can it cause, you should prevent it at any cost

I agree, except for the "any" cost part.

Originally Posted by Emre22

if they don't think that you got bipolar , maybe there is a reason , are you visiting same doctor?

I'm not sure exactly what they think, but bipolar isn't listed as a diagnosis.

Originally Posted by Emre22

if they keep an eye on you for years , it is better to trust professionals

It's been years on an off. I haven't had either mania nor psychosis for years now, so I don't know why they are waiting to discharge me. I am extremely stable -- so much, I call it "rigid" or "stuck".

Originally Posted by Emre22

sometimes we may feel like "i have that thing" but those kind of insticts or senses are always misleading especially if you dont have any professional background on topic

Maybe you have a better experience with "professionals" than me. The vast majority of them have been less competent than myself in my experience. At first I trusted them, but the more I learn(ed) about mental health, the less I trust them.

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

I think when it comes to psychotic episodes its hard to distinguish between bipolar I mania and psychosis and other forms of psychosis and disorders like schizophrenia.

Yes, sometimes. For me, it's like I only get psychotic symptoms when I am in a manic or manic-like episode. However, the delusions often persist for some time after the mania is over. I haven't had hallucinations for about 10 years now.

-undopaminergic

[Emre22]

Originally Posted by undopaminergic

I suppose, but it's annoying me.



I regard them as "antimanics".



No lithium, but lamotrigine.

As for antipsychotics, I'm on several, but the most effective is the antidepressant trimipramine.



I agree, except for the "any" cost part.



I'm not sure exactly what they think, but bipolar isn't listed as a diagnosis.



It's been years on an off. I haven't had either mania nor psychosis for years now, so I don't know why they are waiting to discharge me. I am extremely stable -- so much, I call it "rigid" or "stuck".



Maybe you have a better experience with "professionals" than me. The vast majority of them have been less competent than myself in my experience. At first I trusted them, but the more I learn(ed) about mental health, the less I trust them.



Yes, sometimes. For me, it's like I only get psychotic symptoms when I am in a manic or manic-like episode. However, the delusions often persist for some time after the mania is over. I haven't had hallucinations for about 10 years now.

-undopaminergic

i used any cost term probably because delusional thoughts were traumatic for me , i mean when you realize they are. I am also a control maniac on many issues so break with reality is unbearable possibility for me. i mean for a control maniac , it is absolute loss of control

i have better experience with professionals, well umm not always but i have very good relation with my mother's doctor also cousin of my mother
since he knows my family background probably it helps him to understand me better

i also try to be perfect when i explain myself and describe myself
i give every small detail but i also had some troubles. especially if professional doesnt listen to me , for example if professional is trying to prescribe me a medicine that i tried before and didnt work
it is annoying

well as my docs said, going stable is important , as much as you experience episodes , especially mania . it makes illness hard to manage