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  #1  
Old 03-31-18, 09:09 PM
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Will I ever be happy?

Today I went out with my family for lunch for my birthday. Yesterday I got a job. I'm going to move out of a stagnant town that I lived in for 8 years, and move forward with my life.

Yet somehow, here I sit, trying not to cry. Shouldn't I be feeling happy right now?
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Old 03-31-18, 09:29 PM
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Re: Will I ever be happy?

What can I say man

Other than I know how you feel

I’m sorry. I know it sucks
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Old 03-31-18, 11:36 PM
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Re: Will I ever be happy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by eats_mice View Post
Today I went out with my family for lunch for my birthday. Yesterday I got a job. I'm going to move out of a stagnant town that I lived in for 8 years, and move forward with my life.

Yet somehow, here I sit, trying not to cry. Shouldn't I be feeling happy right now?
Congratulations and happy birthday. Change can be scary and stressful and makes it difficult to feel happy. I totally get it and struggle with that myself. What should be exciting is probably more anxiety, I assume. There’s a very fine line there for me.

All your change sounds good and you will probably be much happier as you get acclimated to them hopefully.

Best wishes
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Old 04-01-18, 12:06 AM
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Re: Will I ever be happy?

I know how you feel. I don't have any answers.
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Old 04-01-18, 05:09 PM
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Re: Will I ever be happy?

Maybe it's that I'm more sad to be leaving everything behind. I do have friends and other people who are important to me. I've been wishing for a new adventure for so long. I guess it's finally time.
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Old 04-01-18, 06:12 PM
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Re: Will I ever be happy?

Hey! Sometimes a new place is the greatest thing that can happen.
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Old 04-01-18, 06:29 PM
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Re: Will I ever be happy?

We are creatures of comfort, and the uncertain can be pretty anxiety inducing. But don't let it stop you! Sometimes we stay in jobs we hate, relationships that aren't good for us, and so forth but it's always better to at least try and see where it takes you. I will be starting a new job soon too, and I'm just going to roll with the punches. It's much better than my current situation, so I'm grateful. Good luck.
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Old 04-04-18, 09:57 PM
ToneTone ToneTone is offline
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Re: Will I ever be happy?

You might feel terrified ... you also might feel some sense of loss that you couldn't get the life you wanted where you were ...

I can sorta identify with what you report for another reason.

In my family growing up, we basically were banned from ever celebrating success. Internalizing and shaming ourselves over failure and something going wrong--we were good at that ... But outwardly, openly celebrating good news--there were dynamics in my family that blocked that.

It was only after I left home for a number of years ... that I sorta noticed this ... and still it took some time to allow myself to celebrate good news.

OK, let me be more direct and blunt. Growing up I had a brother who struggled with life ... and felt like a failure ... and the family sorta saw him as a failure ... and I felt guilty about whatever success I would have ... so unconsciously (in the way people learn in families), I learned to not celebrate great news because I didn't want to make my brother look bad or feel bad in comparison.

The problem is that trying to publicly downplay good news for me ... in not loudly celebrating good news ... or cheering myself on when I had an accomplishment ... over time led me to inwardly to not feel the joy of accomplishment!

Maybe (or maybe not) there is some dynamic like that in your family. If so, you just have to learn over time that feeling good ... and announcing you are feeling good ... or feeling proud of yourself ... does not mean you are announcing you are better than anyone else ...

Anyway, hang in there--and congratulations!!!

Tone
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  #9  
Old 04-30-18, 04:17 AM
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Re: Will I ever be happy?

With all the bad stuff that went down in my life that I dont really tell anyone about I find using comedy as an outlet helps.
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Old 04-30-18, 07:05 AM
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Re: Will I ever be happy?

I notice the occasional feelings of happiness. I try and treasure those. They don't come by that often but have so more of late since I got a dog.
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Old 04-30-18, 04:26 PM
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Re: Will I ever be happy?

The short answer is: most likely. When and for how long I don't know.

Depends on what flavor of illness (if any) you are dealing with.

Some days I look at my life and go, hey, I made! I have a good life! And the next day I'll want to kill myself again. For me, over the years I've learned my baseline mood and it's waaay lower than everyone else's seems to be, even medicated. I've just learned to live with myself.

They haven't managed to medicate me into a wonderful, bubbly person yet.
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