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Old 04-13-18, 05:12 PM
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Interesting Observations from Reddit post

The following post is a Reddit post titled: "Dating a girl with ADHD-C, an outsider's perspective." I found the post informative. The poster seems to have very good observations skills. I think he'll make a good psychologist.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Reddit user
I have anxiety and depression but I'm coping well with treatment and a lotttt of therapy. I always thought I had it tough. I was even a little dismissive of how much ADHD can affect people because they were painted as geniuses and bright and adorkable etc...

I have a degree in Psychology and I'm still in university still working on becoming a psychiatrist, I've had a nearly three year long paid internship at two different clinics.

But dating someone with ADHD has not met my expectations!! It's made me confront a lot of the biases from my lecturers, from books, from studies I've read, from clients I've met. There's a lot of variables and "flavours" and I'm sorry I'm talking about it in such an attached way but I visit this subreddit a lot and it's great to see there are also huge, huge things you all can relate on.

This is completely anecdotal and specific to her, how her ADHD manifested and made her who she is. But I just wanted to share because it's opened my mind up in ways reading and discussing about in class never would have and I think they're more universal symptoms than I'm giving them credit for.

It's insane to me that her disorder has played such a huge role in her daily life + overall life and was completely overlooked until she went through a gruelling process (in this country) to seek the help she needed...

She has a tic disorder.
She's ADHD Inattentive and Hyperactive. But this one is insane to me. She scrunches her nose, cracks her knuckles, stretches her arms out and blinks abruptly. This started without medication but medication makes it much worse.

Watching Rupaul Drag race means tongue popping is her new thing she can't stop doing. I'm not easily annoyed by this but I noticed her mouth tastes different because she's been doing it so much, I'm guessing she's bruised the inside of her mouth lol. She hasn't noticed she does it when she's walking down the street.

Tourettes, ADHD, and OCD have similar origins neurologically. I'm still trying to figure this one out.

The anger.
If you corner her, which I've seen people in her life do, she will lash out with a barrage of emotions you'd never think she had because she's so chill and easygoing. This baffles the people in her life. I know to let her cool off, she can get in such a funk about a particular situation and not be able to let go and gets completely overwhelmed with emotion. But it doesn't last long if you just let her work it out and give her space.

She lets people take advantage of her kindness.
Her rejection dysphoria makes her unsure of herself and constantly look for approval. She's loyal to a fault. This, I never realised, could be ADHD related because her natural personality is to rebel and question authority...until it's someone she loves...then she lets them completely cross her boundaries.

It seems she's has cardinal rules she'll never break, that's part of her inherent character, not part of her ADHD. But when it comes to herself, because of ADHD, she constantly lets other people walk all over her. Her self-esteem is up in the air thanks to being terrified of rejection.

Her natural personality, if she was a neurotypical, let's say, would be to tell someone to **** off and be extremely, helpfully honest. So I hate that she has so many self doubts.

This is why self-esteem isn't thinking just thinking "I'm the ****," and being over confident. It's so important, guys. And I recommend everyone learn what their boundaries are and how to speak up if someone is mistreating you! So, so, so important to your mental health. I've seen her go from a fiery woman to distressed and overly sympathetic to people who don't deserve it way too many times and it ****s me off. It ****s me the **** off so ******* badly. She shouldn't feel guilty for being herself.

She gets phrases/words stuck in her head (intrusive thoughts).
With me, she allows these random words to leave her lips. Lately she's been saying "oovoo javer." I always thought this was just a funny quirk of hers.

I knew there was overlap with OCD and ADHD, which is why her tic was fascinating to me, but this explains so much about how she'll randomly come out and say the weirdest ****.

"Yer faether wid be proud" is another one. It's honestly hilarious to me, I just never realised it was routed in ADHD...And I didn't know it could get darker, she told me she has persistent, intrusive thoughts about things she hates like spiders crawling on her and falling down stairs. A razor blade sliding down her heart has been one she's had her whole life.

I know everyone experiences the call of the void and that's normal. But intrusive thoughts?? That can mess with your psyche and and be an annoyance for you at the least.

Avoidance.
When she's overwhelmed, she just avoids things. She won't make that call, she won't do the paperwork, she won't do the grocery shopping. It can be the simplest things, if she's overwhelmed, she avoids it. She's a pretty and charming girl so she often gets away with it and it never bites her in the ***. I'm not sure how much this applies to other people, but I KNOW she's stressing about things that could be easily be solved.

I used to get frustrated with her, but now I see if you keep adding things to her "list", she gets overwhelmed easily. I can't relate to this because I have an ordinary reward response to getting things ticked off a list. This is an executive functioning problem. She WANTS to get through the day and get everything done, but there's a lack of dopamine, a lack of "normal" stimulation to do something.

It can all be a bit much. It's not that she doesn't want to do something, but she'll often find herself distracting herself, not because she's so flighty and oh so random and spacey, no, because doing things doesn't give her the same "thrill" it does neurotypicals and this constant battle of expectations and responsibilities makes her shirk away and feel preemptively inadequate if she gets it wrong.

I'd like to thank her teachers and parents for constantly shouting at her for this one ��

She's easily hurt.
Again, rejection dysphoria. She'll make fun of herself all the time, but sometimes you can say something and not realise you've hurt her feelings. I've always been guilty of thinking I'M the sensitive one so I've gotten defensive how I could possibly hurt her feelings. Don't do this. Because I realised over the years, she never steps on my toes. She's ultra sensitive to other people's feelings and extremely empathetic.

Your feelings are valid, guys. You need to tell people if they've hurt your feelings and if they're good to you, they'll understand. I know it's not that simple, but you once you respect your own feelings you should expect other people to as well.

Sensory problems.
She gets extremely overwhelmed by her senses. If she's driving in the car, you need to be quiet. She won't even play music. As an example, one time an advert played on youtube when we were playing a video in the car and it was so loud and intrusive that she had to pull into a parking spot and gather her thoughts and nearly hit another car while she did.

Even crossing the road she can misread one little thing and nearly be hit by a car. There's a LOT happening on the road all the time, people say those with ADHD are amazing in a crisis and that may be true. But all that information can definitely impair someone with ADHD.

She seems to always be a step behind everyone else and honestly, it's one of the most debilitating symptoms I've noticed. People get really frustrated with her, I'm like "dude, she has ADHD. Slow the **** down."

It's no joke.

She cannot take direction.
This is what baffles me about her being overlooked with having a mental disorder her whole life.

If you verbally list off something for her to do, she just won't get it right and panics herself. She needs to figure it out. I noticed this when she was playing games, she can't do tutorials. She can't press the right buttons at the right times, she doesn't understand what the **** the game is asking her to do haha.

It's funny watching her play games and get things wrong so many times before she gets it right. We got ff15 recently and she's gotten so frustrated with what missions are asking of her and if it wasn't for our friend, she would've gave up the game days ago.

She was a very talented athlete when we were kids, super fast, amazing reflexes, galant and skilled, but never went for the obvious kill and completely tuned out her coaches. Me and our friends would be in balls of laughter as her coach would be red in the face. Especially basketball, "lay up! Lay up! oH MY GOD LAY UP!!"

She has an innate interest in people.
She likes to get to the meat of things. She's actually really good at small talk, just because she likes learning about people and what makes them tick.

I never considered this an ADHD thing until I figured out this is what stimulates her. Getting to the core of things, finding out what makes people different. She'll quiz you on silly things and push your buttons, but she'll also find out what things you have in common.

Conversation with her...she can't stay on topic. It's so much fun if you roll with it. She always wants to hit a nerve, hit a bone, uncover truths. It's not the mechanics of monotonous conversation, it's the fact she is genuinely stimulated by the inner workings of things beyond the details, the everyday. Or tying the everyday into something more interesting and revealing about humanity. She'll come away from the most banal conversation with a new understanding of someone I never would've considered. And she can have the most boring conversations with people and glean something from it.

She turned her mental disorder here into a great strength. I really admire her emotional intelligence. I often hear people with ADHD saying they have trouble listening, but she loves listening! She'll remember every word of conversation. I'm guessing this also ties into the rejection dysphoria and needing to please people so eventually listening and understanding became a huge part of her.

She can't sit down and watch a movie.
She wants to make them, because it's such a meaty thing with so much to figure out and play with. Tying into my last point.

But it seems watching films is too much of an emotional investment for her. She can watch TV because there's more time to get emotionally invested in characters and formulas etc. but films? I can't think of the last time we watched a film together and she didn't fall asleep.

SHE CAN'T JUST DO ONE THING.
This I find really amusing. If she's playing video games, she plays youtube videos or watches a TV show at the same time.

When she's cleaning or doing dishes or walking, she has to be listening to music or have something on in the background. She listens to countless audio books and podcasts when she's walking. When she's eating she has to watch something. There's always something playing on her laptop/TV.

It flies in the face in what I've observed with her needing to concentrate on one thing. It seems she needs so much stimulation at once. But if you call her name/if her phone goes off/whatever then her "**** I'm overstimulated" thing kicks in.

So, pretty much, again, with ADHD she needs the utmost stimulation because of a lack of dopamine. But because of sensory overload, this has to be something within her control.

Last edited by namazu; 04-13-18 at 05:17 PM.. Reason: Added quote tags.
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Old 04-15-18, 06:26 AM
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Re: Interesting Observations from Reddit post

I mean...I get it an all but this person seems more about highlighting the stuff thats wrong and not a whole lot about whats good.
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Old 05-08-18, 05:19 PM
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Re: Interesting Observations from Reddit post

I wonder what an article like this written about me would look like. Hmmm. Probably not very appealing to highlight my eccentricities and faults.
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Old 05-08-18, 06:58 PM
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Re: Interesting Observations from Reddit post

I really like that he recognizes rejection dysphoria as a real thing.

Also, some of the things that she does and experiences are not OCD nor ADHD. I am not really sure what it is but he has the medical resources at his fingertips to find out.

Quote:
I have a degree in Psychology and I'm still in university still working on becoming a psychiatrist, I've had a nearly three year long paid internship at two different clinics.
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Old 05-08-18, 07:26 PM
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Re: Interesting Observations from Reddit post

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
I mean...I get it an all but this person seems more about highlighting the stuff thats wrong and not a whole lot about whats good.
He starts off by saying "I was even a little dismissive of how much ADHD can
affect people because they were painted as geniuses and bright and adorkable
etc..."
as being the common understanding of this disorder, and that he now
can see the struggles that are also part of the disorder.
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