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Children's Diagnosis & Treatment This forums is for parents to discuss issues related to diagnosis and treament of children with AD/HD

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  #1  
Old 10-04-18, 07:59 PM
Pboysmom Pboysmom is offline
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Where to start

I am sitting here completely overwhelmed.

My son is 7 and in the 2nd grade. Last year his 1st grade teacher told me that he was really having a tough time behaving in class. He was moving his clip to the bottom of the behavior chart almost daily. She felt strongly that he had ADHD. Before I was able to his pediatrician, the teacher retired (in late December.) His new 1st grade teacher told me that she didn't see any behavior from him that wasn't typical of his age, so I let it go.

2nd grade got off to a good start. His classroom teacher told me that he had some difficulty behaving at first, but things improved and she didn't have any concerns. Academically, he is reading at 4th grade level and doing math at a 3rd grade level. So I breathed a sigh of relief.

Until 2 weeks ago. In the last 2 weeks:

1) His principal called me to tell me he was playing a bit too rough on the playground. He clearly wasn't trying to be mean, but he did get carried away.
2) His teacher called me to tell me he had use the F word a few times at lunch. Apparently he used it as a proper noun and the lunchlady heard him.
3) His PE teacher (new this year) emailed me to let me mnow that my son had been disruptive the last 4-5 classes. He has been talking to other kids and making noises and its reached the point where it is affecting his grade.
4) His teacher called me again to let me know that he had been throwing his corn at lunch. When the lunchl ady asked him to stop he wasn't respectful to her, and shr has to talk to him about his lunch behavior almost eevery day. The teacher wanted to create a behavior reward chart for lunchtime and I agreed to it.
5) The behavior chart doesn't start until Monday, but the teacher told me today that the lunch lady reported that he was playing with his food (which he denies), and she had to tell him to keep his hands to himself in line (which he admits).
6) My son told me that in PE he had to sit on the sidelines during the entire class because he was making noises during instructional time. Which means I'll probably get a call from the PE teacher tomorrow.

His well-child visit is scheduled for tomorrow and I will dkscuss his behavior with his doctor. But I know that an ADHD diagnosis takes time. What the heck do I do until then? I can't have a behavior chart for PE also.
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Old 10-04-18, 08:35 PM
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Re: Where to start

I would print that out and take it to your appointment tomorrow.

One thing stood out to me in your description of teachers interacting with him: moved his clip to the bottom...that's punitive action and I can tell you from my hellish primary school experiences that's not going to be successful. Shaming him/comparing him to "better behaved/on task" kids won't make him able to behave. I would say something to any educator doing that with my kid.

One other thing: there's a few posts in this section called dizfriz's corner. In one of those resources/posts is an explanation of the 30% average. What I mean is taking your kid's age, multiply by 30% and subtract that from his age. That's likely more reflective of his ability to regulate himself emotionally and behaviorally. If your kid is seven, that means his executive functioning and social maturing is closer to a five ish year old. He's not developmentally delayed, just to be clear, but if he has ADHD he's operating with the self control typical of someone 30% younger than he actually is.

I have a 3.5 year old and if she has it, when she's seven, I'll expect her to be able to process a rewards system and control herself emotionally more like a five to five point five year old. The upshot is punishing the behavior builds resentment and can easily lead self esteem issues (thinking you consistently fail/cannot succeed). He also might in earnest not remember "playing with his food" ... I don't think he's necessarily trying to be deceptive. As a kid I get I could do nothing right, was never on task/prepared, but I also felt I was always trying but just couldn't contain my energy and focus or stay on task. Until I got a bit older, and then I gave up on teachers (despite having been diagnosed at age eight) because from my perspective they just hated and criticized and tried to embarrass me.

I would look into IEPs and see how your school supports children with attention and/or learning differences. Lastly, keep in mind that teachers may have an opinion and might be right or wrong, but you need to talk to a mental health professional to really find out what's happening.

Hope that helps, and welcome!
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Old 10-05-18, 04:28 AM
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Re: Where to start

After the well visit I would consider getting into see a psychiatrist that specializes in adhd especially if its kids. I also agree with peri that punishments are not as effective as rewards with an adhd kid.
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Old 10-09-18, 04:50 PM
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Re: Where to start

OP: How'd the appointment go with the doctor the other day? Any more reports from school? I agree with others; sometimes punishment just doesn't work. It's been a few days since you posted this, so hopefully there's a plan in place.
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Old 10-10-18, 12:43 PM
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Re: Where to start

I liked the behavior charts in school. It gave me a baseline. I have found that with my kids they don't see as what they did was "wrong". I frequently talk through with them what happened, what the teacher said happened, and then we do a role playing chat on if the teacher saw that why it was a problem.

My kids don't understand social cues. If a teacher points at them and tightens her eyes it has no effect, they don't take that as a cue that they are pushing the teacher too far, or they are about to go over the proverbial cliff from playing to being disrespectful. The detailed notes from the teachers help me teach life lessons.

Do my kids ALWAYS get it? NOPE! But they tend to do better and not mess up in the same way again. Not to say they are perfect or anything, if one scenario in the situation changes then it's like we are starting over. I've noticed my son (16) has adopted a sort of neutral face when he is unsure if he is right or wrong. It seems to appease the teachers and staff. My 9 year old is still wading through it and misstepping.

The things that jump out to me in your post are the ambiguous words:

"playing a bit too rough on the playground"...define rough?

"my son had been disruptive the last 4-5 classes"...define disruptive?

"The lunch lady says he was playing with his food"....define PLAY?

"he was making noises during instructional time"....define noises?

ALLLLLLL of these have been things I have heard. The words disruptive and off task I have heard so many times I can't even count. Usually my kid really didn't realize he was being disruptive, making noise, playing with his food...etc....my kids definitions and the teachers definitions were VERY far apart! I had to update my kids definitions.
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