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Women with ADD/ADHD This forum is for women to discuss issues related to being a woman with AD/HD.

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  #1  
Old 08-06-10, 02:45 AM
saints_fan31 saints_fan31 is offline
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Feeling overwhelmed

I wasn't diagnosed that long ago, but I've known for awhile that I'm ADHD. I'm the combination type more on the severe end, I've been getting treatment which is good, but I feel like whenever I try to explain to my friends and family what's going on, they never understand. They just want me to stop making excuses, or they don't really see me as being ADHD, they'll tell me things like "life is hard"...I'm sick of people telling me it's all in my head! Especially people I'm very close to. My sister told me the people who love me the most will understand and it takes time. What are peoples experiences? Do people grow to understand more with time? I'm trying to figure out how to make my relationships better. Any suggestions? Thanks for reading this (and sorry if I got a little intense!)
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Old 08-06-10, 03:06 AM
brintiff brintiff is offline
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Re: Feeling overwhelmed

Unfortunately a lot of people believe we are either unmotivated, lazy, stupid or all three. I don't think I've changed any of their minds so I don't associate with them anymore, probably not what you wanted to hear but it's been my experience.
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Old 08-06-10, 08:08 AM
ideaman ideaman is offline
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Re: Feeling overwhelmed

In my experience it's very hard for most people to understand. Most of the people I have tried to explain don't really get it
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Old 08-06-10, 08:34 AM
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Re: Feeling overwhelmed

The people I know do not get it. Even after a couple of years, they do not get it. I finally get it...lol...I get that they do not get it!!!

We understand though. Talk to us. Deal with them...where the adhd stuff is concerned. I really hated typing that but it is the truth of my experience.
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Old 08-06-10, 12:37 PM
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Re: Feeling overwhelmed

it's like trying to explain color to a blind person ........only, they aren't really blind, they just have their eyes firmly closed, and refuse to see....

because there are a few people who understand .......and when you find one .....treasure them !!!!..........


I have one friend in Michigan who I think gets it .....I spend the winters there, and last winter I was apologising for not getting the kitchen cleaned up, and her reply was "that's ok, you have other strengths......"


'bout blew me off my feet........



my roommate here in Califoria ? ...the exact opposite .....
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Old 08-06-10, 04:01 PM
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Re: Feeling overwhelmed

Yes, I'm dealing with this in a huge way right now. I am starting to explain it to people, because I'm sick of the pressures I just can't live up to. I can tell some people don't get it. I'm to the point of just spending little or no time with those folks. I just get sick of being sorry all the time.
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Old 08-06-10, 05:22 PM
Babyanne Babyanne is offline
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Re: Feeling overwhelmed

My favourite was telling people I was getting tested (after we got my son diagnosed) and having them say "why bother you are doing okay" Not knowing that I cry myself to sleep because I can't figure out how to clean the house, help my son with his homework, answer all of Hubby's questions about general life, deal with my mothers artistic ADD (5 hours painting and no help around the house) and be a working mother. I know they aren't privy to this but it still upsets me that they think I am just doing it for something to do! ~ thanks for listening to that little rant
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Old 08-07-10, 03:22 PM
amiegrace amiegrace is offline
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Re: Feeling overwhelmed

"sorry if I got a little intense'

That's a hallmark of having ADD -- basically we all understand that quite well!

Sometimes we want others to affirm us because we are so used to having a difficult time relying on our own instincts that there is still that voice in the back of our heads questioning if we really "have" this thing called ADD -- so if they don't give us positive feedback, we feel stuck in a negative feedback loop. It's taken my husband, like, about 10 years to even begin to understand that this is something I can't help (it may have something to do with getting everything done in three days that I've been trying to do for three months when I get on meds. Then I tell him, Duh, honey, this is what I've wanted to be able to do all along, I just haven't been able to. I have a disability!!) It takes time to really accept and -- if not embrace -- then to be okay that there are things that people who don't have ADD will never understand. And you can learn to be okay with that. We get pretty good at putting on a mask and hiding how badly we are really struggling with things.

The book, "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?" (or something like that), I think the author is Peggy Ramundo (or something like that is great for making you feel like someone out there understands. And there will be many times on this forum you will probably want to cry with relief that there are people who just GET YOU.
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Old 08-07-10, 08:49 PM
saints_fan31 saints_fan31 is offline
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Re: Feeling overwhelmed

I'm feeling a lot better just reading all these responses, thanks for the support guys! I'll keep figuring it out.
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Old 08-09-10, 03:19 PM
pookandpeb pookandpeb is offline
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Re: Feeling overwhelmed

Hi. I'm exactly in your shoes. I've been trying to "come out" lately. I'm really shocked at the comments I've gotten, even from the kindest of people. Almost no one understands except my husband and God who I believe has shown me a lot of grace (I'm not sure to what extent I am allowed to discuss that on here).

One approach that I've taken, is to say to someone " I have ADD" then let them express their reaction. Then I go on to educate them with specific examples. I'll say something like "ADD is not just being spaced out. My mind just works differently than other people. Since childhood I could not even keep a notebook straightened. When I set something down, I forget about it almost instantly and go on to something else. As a result I spend a lot of time looking for things, which causes me to be late. In other words, managing "things" is a terrible challenge for me. If I don't return your email l or show up late, start without me or forward the email again, but please don't take it personally. Even though ADD is problematic, I am also very gifted. I would not be the writer, designer, cook, etc. that I am if I didn't have the mind that I do".

It seems like people connect the dots better when I give these specific strengths and weaknesses that they have seen in me. Although since they can't personally relate, I still get advice like, "well did you ever think about getting a blackberry?? or "maybe you could take a time management class!".

**sigh***


Haha...I see that I responded this already a few days ago, and forgot. How funny is that?
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Old 08-09-10, 03:28 PM
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Re: Feeling overwhelmed

Quote:
Originally Posted by pookandpeb
"maybe you could take a time management class!".
Sure! Because the last 60 of them were so helpful! Grrr!

I have learned to smile sweetly and say, "Gee, I should try that!" while mentally moving on.

What gets to me is having to explain it to doctors and nurses. *sigh*
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