Why do you not have a social life?

[spunkysmum]

Originally Posted by JOHNCG

You know, if you said to a psychiatrist :

" Doctor, I have a desire to be totally alone- to live in complete isolation in my own little world and I actively shun contact with all other human beings; furthermore, I like it like that, and that's exactly how I live out my life day-to-day."

He or she would instantly diagnose you as having a serious psychiatric condition of some kind.

The reason is, that from birth there is no doubt whatsoever, healthy ("neurotypical") human beings are genetically pre-programmed - and "hard-wired" - to be social creatures , to interact with others in meaningful relationships. For healthy individuals life is always lived out in a context of interpersonal relationships.

And not desiring ,or not being capable of, doing this is an utterly abnormal state of affairs. It can be a symptom, for example, of certain types of personality pathology or maybe Autism Spectrum Disorder or prodromal schizophrenia and so on; but one thing is for sure, and that is that it is not normal or healthy.

In short, people aren't supposed to live as outcasts from human society; they were never designed that way, and if they are living as loners, then somehow/somewhere, something inside their heads has gone very wrong.

All very interesting, but I'm scratching my head wondering how this relates even remotely to anything I said in my post? Did you perhaps inadvertently quote a different post than you intended?

[Drewbacca]

Originally Posted by JOHNCG

You know, if you said to a psychiatrist :

" Doctor, I have a desire to be totally alone- to live in complete isolation in my own little world and I actively shun contact with all other human beings; furthermore, I like it like that, and that's exactly how I live out my life day-to-day."

He or she would instantly diagnose you as having a serious psychiatric condition of some kind.

You're probably right... but no one in this thread said that they wanted to live in complete isolation in their own little world and shun contact...

Living alone, having space, not answering to a room mate, sig. other, or parent certainly has its benefits. I think that your scenario would require mail ordering groceries and never going out in public though... that would in fact be psychotic.

[spunkysmum]

Originally Posted by JOHNCG

You know, if you said to a psychiatrist :

" Doctor, I have a desire to be totally alone- to live in complete isolation in my own little world and I actively shun contact with all other human beings; furthermore, I like it like that, and that's exactly how I live out my life day-to-day."

He or she would instantly diagnose you as having a serious psychiatric condition of some kind.

The reason is, that from birth there is no doubt whatsoever, healthy ("neurotypical") human beings are genetically pre-programmed - and "hard-wired" - to be social creatures , to interact with others in meaningful relationships. For healthy individuals life is always lived out in a context of interpersonal relationships.

And not desiring ,or not being capable of, doing this is an utterly abnormal state of affairs. It can be a symptom, for example, of certain types of personality pathology or maybe Autism Spectrum Disorder or prodromal schizophrenia and so on; but one thing is for sure, and that is that it is not normal or healthy.

In short, people aren't supposed to live as outcasts from human society; they were never designed that way, and if they are living as loners, then somehow/somewhere, something inside their heads has gone very wrong.

I'm still puzzled as to how you think this relates in any way whatsoever to what I've posted. If you are in any way trying to insinuate that anything you've said here has ANYTHING WHATSOEVER to do with me or resembles my situation in any way, shape or form, let me clarify just a few of the many, many ways it does not.

I said "solitude is the greater need right now" BECAUSE I DON'T GET ANY. If I've eaten a huge bowl of salty popcorn but have not had anything to drink in hours, yes, I will say that liquid is the greater need, because I'm full up on food and parched for water. THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M PLANNING TO GO ON A LIQUID DIET FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

I do a job where I work with the public ALL DAY. A job in another town I applied for and took and drive 80 miles round trip to FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE of getting to know the people in that town with an eye toward becoming a part of that community. I have been in a relationship with the same person for 13 years, so clearly, I'm not only capable of forming meaningful relationships, but I'm highly successful at maintaining them.

I also have quite a healthy network of online friends who are, I assure you, actual people.

I have more people in my life than I can even reasonably give enough time to. My life is lousy with people.

I deeply regret having to shatter your vision of me as the Unibomber with boobs.

[Fortune]

Originally Posted by Drewbacca

You're probably right... but no one in this thread said that they wanted to live in complete isolation in their own little world and shun contact...

Living alone, having space, not answering to a room mate, sig. other, or parent certainly has its benefits. I think that your scenario would require mail ordering groceries and never going out in public though... that would in fact be psychotic.

That's not actually psychosis. That's more likely to be avoidance, such as displayed in extreme cases of social anxiety and avoidant personality disorder.

Psychosis has a specific meaning and is not a catch-all term for mental illness. It refers to a loss of contact with reality, and is a feature in bipolar manic phases, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and clinical depression with psychotic features, among others.

[Drewbacca]

Originally Posted by JOHNCG

There is good evidence, for example, that having few , or no, friends is a common feature of ADHD (Cf: Barkley 1989; Bauermercher et al, 2005)

Bauermercher?

Did you spell this name wrong? I can't find any evidence of such a paper.

Originally Posted by Fortune

That's not actually psychosis. That's more likely to be avoidance, such as displayed in extreme cases of social anxiety and avoidant personality disorder.

Noted. I think my brain is just tired. Thanks for the correction.

[Blimey]

Originally Posted by Drewbacca

I'm not sure what you don't understand. Significant impact on work, relationships, etc., is not the same thing as social vs. antisocial.

Hi, I was meaning in terms of wanting friends but not actually having any (inability to make friends)...which I dont think counts as antisocial?

[Drewbacca]

Originally Posted by Blimey

Hi, I was meaning in terms of wanting friends but not actually having any (inability to make friends)...which I dont think counts as antisocial?

If I'm understanding you correctly,

not-having friends is not part of the diagnosis criteria.

Relationships tend to be stressed, due to ADHD partners picking up more than their fair share of the slack or due to an inability to understand their partner's ADHD mind... But, there is nothing inherent to ADHD that says we can't be social, make friends, have meaningful relationships.

[tudorose]

I'm very social at work. That's it. Outside of work my time is mine. So I don't care about having a social life. I don't feel the need and I'm too tired.

[MentalNomad]

Simple, my personality is sub-standard and I have terrible social anxiety.

[CheekyMonkey]

Originally Posted by MentalNomad

Simple, my personality is sub-standard and I have terrible social anxiety.

Sub-standard? By WHOSE standard?

[Psyche99]

I'm lucky because somehow I've still obtained many friends but it has been difficult I day dream and think so much I some times have speech problems from it and no one seems to be able to keep up with my topic jumping, that's why I smoked mj for a while, it slowed me down to a normal pace where I could function with "normal" people.