ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > CO-EXISTING CONDITIONS > ADDiction & Substance Abuse
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #76  
Old 04-20-17, 04:17 PM
midnightstar's Avatar
midnightstar midnightstar is online now
Purriendly feline moderator
 

Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 16,593
Blog Entries: 10
Thanks: 15,701
Thanked 19,880 Times in 11,555 Posts
midnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond reputemidnightstar has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Sex and love addiction part 2

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermus View Post
Girls who can't have Mr Perfect. Why settle for anything less than you can have?



Well, I'm a universal reject. I have nothing I can prove myself by except that I can obsess about women and drink. And stay sober, a trick that's easy for most healthy people. So what?
I'm another "universal reject" who can't have Mr. Perfect and even if Mr. Perfect came knocking on my door I'm not sure I'd want him (people who claim to be "perfect" tend to judge other people by their standards which basically means that nobody is good enough for them)

I really hope you can meet the girl you want when the time is right, Hermus, when you've recovered from your addictions
__________________
Beauty (12th August 2007 - 3rd November 2008 )
Dylan (4th November 2008 - 23rd March 2012)
Tom (29th August 2014 - 17th October 2014)
Ebony (1st January 2014 - current)
Tigger (31st October 2014 - current)
"No human should ever hurt an animal" Jessie, Animal Farm
Hope you all have a beautiful day
"Keep your dreams alive, dreaming is still how the strong survive" Oliver and Company (Disney)
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to midnightstar For This Useful Post:
Hermus (04-20-17), Letching Gray (04-20-17), namazu (04-20-17)
  #77  
Old 04-20-17, 04:52 PM
Hermus's Avatar
Hermus Hermus is online now
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Nijmegen, Netherlands
Posts: 2,852
Thanks: 2,241
Thanked 5,513 Times in 2,360 Posts
Hermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Sex and love addiction part 2

Quote:
Originally Posted by midnightstar View Post
I'm another "universal reject" who can't have Mr. Perfect and even if Mr. Perfect came knocking on my door I'm not sure I'd want him (people who claim to be "perfect" tend to judge other people by their standards which basically means that nobody is good enough for them)

I really hope you can meet the girl you want when the time is right, Hermus, when you've recovered from your addictions
No, you're not. You've got a job, your cats, you're not getting into rages and writing ugly things on forums. You are doing quite well.
__________________
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
Carl Rogers
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Hermus For This Useful Post:
Letching Gray (04-20-17)
  #78  
Old 04-20-17, 07:14 PM
Letching Gray Letching Gray is offline
Banned
 

Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Miami
Posts: 937
Thanks: 1,278
Thanked 684 Times in 400 Posts
Letching Gray has much to be proud ofLetching Gray has much to be proud ofLetching Gray has much to be proud ofLetching Gray has much to be proud ofLetching Gray has much to be proud ofLetching Gray has much to be proud ofLetching Gray has much to be proud ofLetching Gray has much to be proud of
Re: Sex and love addiction part 2

we always hurt the ones we love
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #79  
Old 04-20-17, 07:16 PM
aeon's Avatar
aeon aeon is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Twin Cities, Minnesota
Posts: 7,332
Thanks: 21,918
Thanked 12,570 Times in 5,576 Posts
aeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Sex and love addiction part 2

As for who goes for who, always remember this:

The ways of the heart are a mystery, and we often do not choose who we love.


Cheers,
Ian
__________________
@>~,~~'~ Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to aeon For This Useful Post:
Letching Gray (04-20-17), Little Missy (04-20-17)
  #80  
Old 04-20-17, 08:47 PM
Fuzzy12's Avatar
Fuzzy12 Fuzzy12 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 18,498
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks: 30,623
Thanked 27,730 Times in 12,818 Posts
Fuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Sex and love addiction part 2

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermus View Post
Girls who can't have Mr Perfect. Why settle for anything less than you can have?



Well, I'm a universal reject. I have nothing I can prove myself by except that I can obsess about women and drink. And stay sober, a trick that's easy for most healthy people. So what?
The problem is that Mr Perfect doesn't exist. Not just because alk humans are flawed but mainly because there isn't a single definition of perfect. It differs from.person to person. It eve differs from day to day abd situation to situation for each individual. I can't even imagine someone perfect that I'd like to be with. Even my fantasy crushes used to have serious flaws. Not because that makes them more attractive but because it makes them more real.

I don't think I am perfect and neither is hubby. That doesn't change though that I still think he's awesome...even if flawed.

By the way i also didn't settle because I was too fat and ugly to find anyone better. I'm happy with my choice.

I don't think you are a universal reject and I'm sorry that you seem to think so. I wonder if the problem is that you look at things in too absolute terms, too rigidly, too narrowly.

Fat and ugly - can't be desirable
Struggling with addictions - can't be desirable.

I don't think humans are so one dimensional. There's much more to us.

Regarding the fat and ugly comment I'm sorry but that's just such incredible rubbish. Please believe me that of all the qualities in a person that will make you happy their weight and their appearance are among the least important. If you don't find someone attractive you don't need to force yourself to find them attractive but please know it's not because they actually aren't attractive. Maybe not to you but tp someone else.

Similarly your addictions might be anathema to some women but others will be able to look beyond that and still find you lovable.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermus View Post
Yeah, and maybe I am just ****** off at everything and in a I don't give a f mode. At least I'm not acting out my SLA or drinking. Judge me whatever you want!
You know what's funny? I really doubt anyone in this thread is judging you negatively for the topic of this thread ie your addictions though you seem to think that they make you the scum of the universe.
I would rather judge yyou for your fat and ugly girls comment though.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Fuzzy12 For This Useful Post:
aeon (04-20-17), namazu (04-20-17)
  #81  
Old 04-21-17, 02:06 AM
Hermus's Avatar
Hermus Hermus is online now
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Nijmegen, Netherlands
Posts: 2,852
Thanks: 2,241
Thanked 5,513 Times in 2,360 Posts
Hermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Sex and love addiction part 2

There must be something going wrong in my recovery. The more I start to process things and the more things that get opened up, the more insecure I start to feel. Shouldn't I be starting to feel more secure about myself in recovery, instead of less?
__________________
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
Carl Rogers
Reply With Quote
  #82  
Old 04-21-17, 03:28 AM
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
Mod-A-holic
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: nj, usa
Posts: 24,970
Thanks: 5,553
Thanked 29,218 Times in 13,234 Posts
sarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Sex and love addiction part 2

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 View Post
Regarding the fat and ugly comment I'm sorry but that's just such incredible rubbish. Please believe me that of all the qualities in a person that will make you happy their weight and their appearance are among the least important. If you don't find someone attractive you don't need to force yourself to find them attractive but please know it's not because they actually aren't attractive. Maybe not to you but tp someone else.
I love this part.
__________________
President of the No F's given society.

I carried a watermelon?

I've always been one of a kind. It just hasnt always been positive.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to sarahsweets For This Useful Post:
Fuzzy12 (04-21-17), Little Missy (04-21-17), stef (04-21-17)
  #83  
Old 04-21-17, 03:33 AM
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
Mod-A-holic
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: nj, usa
Posts: 24,970
Thanks: 5,553
Thanked 29,218 Times in 13,234 Posts
sarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Sex and love addiction part 2

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermus View Post
No, I'm saying a woman can't be both mentally healthy and attractive and choose for a sex and love addicted drunk over a healthy and successful guy. You can be offended all you want.
Many mentally and physically attractive women will choose different partners based on how they feel when they are with them. Especially if you are in recovery. You know whats sexy to me? A man that is willing to get real and vunerable; a man willing to make one of the hardest choices he could ever make. A man willing to let down his guard and dig deep to face his demons. Thats far more important then how someone looks in a bathing suit or tight pair of jeans.
__________________
President of the No F's given society.

I carried a watermelon?

I've always been one of a kind. It just hasnt always been positive.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to sarahsweets For This Useful Post:
aeon (04-21-17), Little Missy (04-21-17)
  #84  
Old 04-21-17, 04:00 AM
dvdnvwls dvdnvwls is offline
Mr. BllVt
 

Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Anywhere I can
Posts: 14,917
Thanks: 1,278
Thanked 17,952 Times in 9,009 Posts
dvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Sex and love addiction part 2

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermus View Post
There must be something going wrong in my recovery. The more I start to process things and the more things that get opened up, the more insecure I start to feel. Shouldn't I be starting to feel more secure about myself in recovery, instead of less?
The feeling of one's false security dropping away, and of having to finally be yourself in real life, is a feeling of fear and extreme insecurity. Whatever is giving you that fear and insecurity, get more of that.
__________________
Postmodernism, the school of 'thought' that proclaimed 'There are no truths, only interpretations' has largely played itself out in absurdity, but it has left behind a generation of academics in the humanities disabled by their distrust of the very idea of truth and their disrespect for evidence, settling for 'conversations' in which nobody is wrong and nothing can be confirmed, only asserted with whatever style you can muster.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to dvdnvwls For This Useful Post:
aeon (04-21-17)
  #85  
Old 04-21-17, 04:33 AM
Hermus's Avatar
Hermus Hermus is online now
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Nijmegen, Netherlands
Posts: 2,852
Thanks: 2,241
Thanked 5,513 Times in 2,360 Posts
Hermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Sex and love addiction part 2

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Many mentally and physically attractive women will choose different partners based on how they feel when they are with them. Especially if you are in recovery. You know whats sexy to me? A man that is willing to get real and vunerable; a man willing to make one of the hardest choices he could ever make. A man willing to let down his guard and dig deep to face his demons. Thats far more important then how someone looks in a bathing suit or tight pair of jeans.
And then you show vulnerability, maybe even shed a tear, and they think: 'Wimp!' And run away as fast as they can. It is not a coincidence that in general bad boys have the pretty ladies around them.
__________________
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
Carl Rogers
Reply With Quote
  #86  
Old 04-21-17, 04:37 AM
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
Mod-A-holic
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: nj, usa
Posts: 24,970
Thanks: 5,553
Thanked 29,218 Times in 13,234 Posts
sarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Sex and love addiction part 2

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermus View Post
And then you show vulnerability, maybe even shed a tear, and they think: 'Wimp!' And run away as fast as they can. It is not a coincidence that in general bad boys have the pretty ladies around them.
Is that truly your life experiences? That you have been vunerable, shed a tear and had women leave? I would be willing to bet that that is very rare. If anything I would say that more women would be likely to appreciate that vs wanting a "bad boy". And the whole "bad boy" thing is also something that I think is a cop out. Many beautiful women who dont return the admiration of their many suitors are simply dismissed as "good girls looking for bad boys" when they are just not finding someone they connect with.
__________________
President of the No F's given society.

I carried a watermelon?

I've always been one of a kind. It just hasnt always been positive.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to sarahsweets For This Useful Post:
Fuzzy12 (04-21-17), namazu (04-21-17)
  #87  
Old 04-21-17, 06:36 AM
Hermus's Avatar
Hermus Hermus is online now
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Nijmegen, Netherlands
Posts: 2,852
Thanks: 2,241
Thanked 5,513 Times in 2,360 Posts
Hermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond reputeHermus has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Sex and love addiction part 2

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Is that truly your life experiences? That you have been vunerable, shed a tear and had women leave? I would be willing to bet that that is very rare. If anything I would say that more women would be likely to appreciate that vs wanting a "bad boy". And the whole "bad boy" thing is also something that I think is a cop out. Many beautiful women who dont return the admiration of their many suitors are simply dismissed as "good girls looking for bad boys" when they are just not finding someone they connect with.
Well, my experience is that my mother wasn't available to me when I was feeling upset, dismissing my feelings. There was little room to express how I felt. So I don't know if I'm right, but that's the way I have come to believe the world works.
__________________
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
Carl Rogers
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Hermus For This Useful Post:
aeon (04-21-17), namazu (04-21-17)
  #88  
Old 04-21-17, 10:17 AM
namazu's Avatar
namazu namazu is online now
Yeti-Wrangling Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Northern Hemisphere
Posts: 12,468
Thanks: 59,497
Thanked 18,340 Times in 9,043 Posts
namazu has a reputation beyond reputenamazu has a reputation beyond reputenamazu has a reputation beyond reputenamazu has a reputation beyond reputenamazu has a reputation beyond reputenamazu has a reputation beyond reputenamazu has a reputation beyond reputenamazu has a reputation beyond reputenamazu has a reputation beyond reputenamazu has a reputation beyond reputenamazu has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Sex and love addiction part 2

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermus View Post
Well, my experience is that my mother wasn't available to me when I was feeling upset, dismissing my feelings. There was little room to express how I felt. So I don't know if I'm right, but that's the way I have come to believe the world works.
Then you have plenty of room for learning, growth, and change. That's good, right?

Based on how you've described your mother, your mother-son relationship with her is probably not the best model for relationships of any kind, let alone romantic relationships between equal partners.

Add my voice to the chorus of people debunking the notion that attractive women generally or universally prefer "bad boys", and that if you're rejected it's because you're a "nice guy".

(Incidentally, a lot of guys who fancy themselves "nice guys" aren't perceived as such by the women they're trying to woo. Not that they're "wimps" or "effeminate" or anything -- they're just not as "nice" as they think they are when interacting with women or with people in general. Truly, genuinely nice guys typically don't go around making a big show of saying that they're nice guys. They're just kind to people -- all people, of all sexes/genders, regardless of appearance or personal sexual desirability. It's a way of being, not a convenient persona.)
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to namazu For This Useful Post:
aeon (04-21-17), Fortune (04-22-17), stef (04-21-17)
  #89  
Old 04-21-17, 10:34 AM
aeon's Avatar
aeon aeon is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Twin Cities, Minnesota
Posts: 7,332
Thanks: 21,918
Thanked 12,570 Times in 5,576 Posts
aeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Sex and love addiction part 2

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermus View Post
Well, my experience is that my mother wasn't available to me when I was feeling upset, dismissing my feelings. There was little room to express how I felt. So I don't know if I'm right, but that's the way I have come to believe the world works.
If my relationships with women were based on a framework modeled on the relationship I had with my mother, I would have suicided long ago, or I would be in prison for serial murder.

Indeed, there are other ways, and namazu gives sage advice above.


Cheers,
Ian
__________________
@>~,~~'~ Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to aeon For This Useful Post:
namazu (04-21-17), stef (04-21-17)
  #90  
Old 04-21-17, 10:40 AM
dvdnvwls dvdnvwls is offline
Mr. BllVt
 

Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Anywhere I can
Posts: 14,917
Thanks: 1,278
Thanked 17,952 Times in 9,009 Posts
dvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond reputedvdnvwls has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Sex and love addiction part 2

I AM an effeminate wimp if there is such a thing, and I'm in a very happy marriage to a beautiful woman. So there you have it.

(After we were already married, one day she admitted to me that when we met she wondered if I was gay. So I'm not making this up. )
__________________
Postmodernism, the school of 'thought' that proclaimed 'There are no truths, only interpretations' has largely played itself out in absurdity, but it has left behind a generation of academics in the humanities disabled by their distrust of the very idea of truth and their disrespect for evidence, settling for 'conversations' in which nobody is wrong and nothing can be confirmed, only asserted with whatever style you can muster.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to dvdnvwls For This Useful Post:
Hermus (04-21-17), namazu (04-21-17), stef (04-21-17)
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Treatment for ADD and sex addiction zeek123 Relationships & Social Issues 10 09-15-17 01:56 AM
Obsessive approach towards love and sex dewrdr Women with ADD/ADHD 2 07-11-16 09:50 AM
An Anti Addiction Pill Scattered ADD News 22 10-06-11 01:38 AM
My Yahoo Personality & Love Style Report Caine7478 Chit-Chat 15 02-01-05 05:40 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:08 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums