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  #76  
Old 09-12-17, 04:09 PM
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Re: A joke

Q: What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?

A: It gets toad away.


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@>~,~~'~ Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.
“Well, look who I ran into,” crowed Coincidence. “Please,” flirted Fate, “this was meant to be.”
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  #77  
Old 09-12-17, 04:12 PM
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Re: A joke

Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

A: It’s okay, she woke up.


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@>~,~~'~ Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.
“Well, look who I ran into,” crowed Coincidence. “Please,” flirted Fate, “this was meant to be.”
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  #78  
Old 09-12-17, 04:13 PM
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Re: A joke

Q: Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?

A: Because he was always spotted.


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@>~,~~'~ Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.
“Well, look who I ran into,” crowed Coincidence. “Please,” flirted Fate, “this was meant to be.”
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  #79  
Old 09-12-17, 04:14 PM
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Re: A joke

Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?

A: Because it was soda pressing.


Cheers,
Ian
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@>~,~~'~ Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.
“Well, look who I ran into,” crowed Coincidence. “Please,” flirted Fate, “this was meant to be.”
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  #80  
Old 09-12-17, 04:15 PM
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Re: A joke

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.


Cheers,
Ian
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@>~,~~'~ Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.
“Well, look who I ran into,” crowed Coincidence. “Please,” flirted Fate, “this was meant to be.”
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  #81  
Old 09-12-17, 04:16 PM
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Re: A joke

Q: What is the difference between a cat and a comma?

A: One has claws at the end of its paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.


Cheers,
Ian
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@>~,~~'~ Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.
“Well, look who I ran into,” crowed Coincidence. “Please,” flirted Fate, “this was meant to be.”
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  #82  
Old 09-12-17, 04:18 PM
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Re: A joke

What cheese is made backwards?

Edam

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  #83  
Old 09-12-17, 04:23 PM
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Re: A joke

Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a train?

A: One says, “Spit out your gum,” and the other says, “Choo choo choo!”


Cheers,
Ian
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@>~,~~'~ Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.
“Well, look who I ran into,” crowed Coincidence. “Please,” flirted Fate, “this was meant to be.”
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  #84  
Old 09-12-17, 04:23 PM
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Re: A joke

A man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".

He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
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  #85  
Old 09-12-17, 04:26 PM
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Re: A joke

Q: Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

A: Because he was outstanding in his field.


Cheers,
Ian
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@>~,~~'~ Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.
“Well, look who I ran into,” crowed Coincidence. “Please,” flirted Fate, “this was meant to be.”
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  #86  
Old 09-12-17, 05:56 PM
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Re: A joke

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
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  #87  
Old 09-12-17, 11:15 PM
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Re: A joke

What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look! I’m about to change.

What does a nut say when it sneezes?
Cashew.

Why was the little strawberry crying?
His mom was in a jam.

How do you put an alien baby to sleep?
You rocket!

How do snails fight?
They slug it out.

Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker?
It was craving a well-balanced meal.

Why are frogs so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them.

How do you impress a female baker?
Bring her flours.

What do you call a pony with a cough?
A little hoarse.

Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
For dizzle!

Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two tired.

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?

What did one hat say to the other?
You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.

What did one eye say to the other eye?
Between you and me, something smells!

What did the triangle say to the circle?
You’re pointless.

What did the big bucket say to the smaller one?
Lookin’ a little pail there.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they’d be called bagels.

Why don’t you ever see a hippopotamus hiding in a tree?
Because they’re really good at it!

Why do chicken coups always have two doors?
With four, they’d be chicken sedans.

What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.

Why did the lifeguard kick the elephants out of the pool?
They kept dropping their trunks.

Why did the cookie go to the doctors?
Because he felt crummy.

What did the cop say to his growling stomach?
Stop! I’ve got you under a vest!
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  #88  
Old 09-15-17, 09:06 AM
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Re: A joke

WHEN CATS ARE SAD

Bartender: What'll ya have?
Cat: Shot of rum.
[Bartender pours it]
[Cat slowly pushes it off the bar]
Cat: Another.
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  #89  
Old 09-15-17, 09:26 AM
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Re: A joke

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine.
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  #90  
Old 09-15-17, 10:05 AM
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Re: A joke

Quote:
Originally Posted by stef View Post
WHEN CATS ARE SAD

Bartender: What'll ya have?
Cat: Shot of rum.
[Bartender pours it]
[Cat slowly pushes it off the bar]
Cat: Another.
I don't get it.

Is it because cats like pushing things off the table?
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