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Non-ADD Partner Support This is a support forum for non-ADD partners, spouses, and significant others offering feedback from both the ADD and non-ADD perspectives

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Old 07-22-20, 07:15 PM
Ds1979 Ds1979 is offline
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I just donít trust him...

Hi. Iím new to this forum and have no one else to talk to...

My ADD partner and I have been together 4 years and most of the time we are very happy. I have learnt a lot about ADD and understand a lot of the things that I come up against. Ie rubbish never emptied, having to leave lists every day etc

About 2 years ago I found some messages on his phone to a girl on Instagram that he had never met and was unlikely to ever meet (she lived in another country) the messages were all about how he had feelings for her blah blah he said it was purely the adrenaline hit and nothing was meant by it. We saw a councillor and we moved on. About 8 months later I found he left me. No warning. Nothing. Packed his bags and moved out. 3 weeks later he was back saying heíd had a meltdown. How the pressure of the relationship had gotten too much so he bolted. A few weeks later I found that an old high school crush of his has seen him and was Persuing him and convinced him to leave me. That they were going to run off into the sunset. He admitted that he let nostalgia get the better of him and in reality he had nothing more than a high school boy crush on her and those feelings werenít real. I believed him. We had it out (with our therapist ) and he deleted her (after I read the messages he had sent telling her to stay away and that he wanted to be with me) and we moved on.

About 10 months after that I found some text messages on his phone to some random girl. Again he said it was nothing and just for the chase. This was last year. During the lockdown I saw on his Facebook that a girl from out of town sent him some photos of her self to him and he sent one back. I confronted him and he broke down saying itís nothing. That he canít help the chase but it means nothing.

Our sex life is pretty non existent. Once a week if we are lucky. (This is partly to do with true fact we have older children living at home and that he rarely seems interested at night and only in the morning and I have to go to work early) but he watches porn. (This doesnít really bother me)

I have seen messages on his Facebook of him flirting with women. I donít think he would actually meet with them. I think he just does it for the attention. For the dopamine hit. For the thrill.

But I canít get over it. To me it is totally wrong. He never flirts with me anymore. Never sends me flirty messages. Is this normal?

I guess I just need someone to tell me that they too have this. I do love him and I do believe he loves me. I just donít trust him and thatís a huge thing to me. He wants to get married. I do too but I donít know if I will ever trust him

He says he needs to see a therapist again to help him stop feeling the need to chat to women...

Any advice???
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Old 07-23-20, 01:44 AM
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Re: I just donít trust him...

Let him go. Pack his bags and show him the door. Its emotional cheating and you deserve better. This is no adhd per se, but it is as*hole behavior.
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