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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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  #1  
Old 12-03-18, 09:09 AM
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I started dating

I am not perfect yet (:P), in fact I am in quite a difficult phase of my life, but I have a good therapist and supportive network, and I am hopeful that I will find the stability that I have longed for. I have made a lot of breakthroughs in the last months, so that gives me reason for optimism.

So, I could delay dating for a while, but I feel like I have been doing that long enough. I am not looking for someone to fix me or to support me in a one-way fasion, I just would like to find someone that I can share my life with in a positive way, and just to learn how to be in a loving and healthy relationship, and just to have fun.

I think I can handle it if it doesn't work out with the first person, or the ones after that, I am just looking forward to adding this dimension to my life.

Last Saturday I made a dating profile, and the same day I got into contact with someone that seems very cool, so I look forward to meeting her, I think today I will hear if she's interested, but so far it looks promising (as far as you can judge by the messages).

One balance that I have to learn to make is between being vulnerable/open (for example about what is going on in my life) and between just having a good time (and being there for her). Or, between being serious and having fun. I will keep it light for the first dates, and slowly build up the seriousness (up to a point). I will never lie about my situation (or anything for that matter), but I am also not obliged to share everything right away. I have my therapist for that and I feel capable of working through my issues by myself.

It could be that I am not ready for a relationship, but then I will learn that. However, I feel like I am, despite my situation right now, which could also be a lot worse. I have least some stability now (and I become more stable by the week) and I am becoming more confident (with ups and downs).
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  #2  
Old 12-04-18, 12:55 AM
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Re: I started dating

Cool, Jacksper!! Keep us posted!



I PM'd you as our situations are somewhat similar. I want to start to date, too. I'm not really sure if I should, though. I will start a thread about it tomorrow.
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Old 12-07-18, 05:59 PM
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Re: I started dating

The date is tomorrow. We are in the same workfield (pure coincidence - it is a very small niche field and there are very few women), and we'll do a fun activity that is linked to that (that we both haven't done). In the meantime we'll explore a new city, and we start with a relaxed hot chocolate and apple pie.

She seems like a good and fun person, and I think I am as well - I enjoy meeting new people, so I think not much can go wrong.

I will try to sleep, eat and relax well during the first part of the day, and I will go to the date without inflated expectations. At the very least it will be an interesting and probably fun afternoon, and I will get some more dating experience.

But she seems like my type, which doesn't mean it has to continue (and I could be wrong), it only means that there are probably many good single women out there and that it's a matter of time before I find someone to build a relationship with.

Perhaps that starts tomorrow. Perhaps not. But I am proud for taking this move towards the unknown. And every day, with or without a date, one should try to enjoy, and that I will!
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Old 12-07-18, 07:34 PM
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Re: I started dating

Awesome Jasper best of luck
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Old 12-08-18, 08:04 PM
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Re: I started dating

Thanks, it was great!!!!!!!

This was the first time we met, but we talked for almost 6 hours! It was very nice to get to know each other. I learned about what she likes to do, what she finds important, what she is struggling with and a bit of her history. She seems like a cool person. She also studied for 10 years and ended up the same workfield as me (which is amazingly coincidental). She also likes sci-fi (so no fights about what movie or series to watch ), likes to philosophize about things and she likes to exercise and be in nature.

I also shared things from my own past, and what I am dealing with, even that I broke down half a year ago and that I am going to a therapist. But I made it a bit more light by mentioning that surely everyone has their bagage and that that is ok, that I am grateful for being in such a good place. I also told her that she doesn't need to be perfect.

Early in the afternoon she mentioned that she was tired of dating, that she planned to stop. However, later she told me that she wasn't done with me, and she asked me for a second date! So, next week we'll go walking in a nice nature area, looking forward to it!
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  #6  
Old 12-10-18, 09:16 AM
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Re: I started dating

Bizarre coincidence... I work in another city 160 kilometers from home, and my date lives 85 kilometers from me (also about 120 kilometers from my work town)... and now she is for a training in the same city...

And not only that, she is in the building next to me, just 75 meters away from me!

Soooo, after work we'll have a bonus date!
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Old 12-13-18, 07:41 AM
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Re: I started dating

It's fun, but I notice that I don't get the same enthusiasm back from her that I give her. At least I think/fear that she is distancing herself.

However, she is also very tired due to her busy schedule and her eating/sleeping pattern that she says could be better. And she has some things on her mind, so perhaps she is not doubting at all and I am just insecure.

I am definitely insecure, that's something that I want to overcome.

We will meet on Saturday morning, but I let her know that if she does not feel well than it's ok to postpone it, that I value her health and that she feels well more than our date. I am not sure that this was a good idea, perhaps I am making this thing too big (and in the process giving a weird impression of myself), but honestly I want her to do well and I do not want to be too anxious when I see her, so giving her the freedom to meet me or not when she wants to is as much something that I want to communicate to her as to myself.

Anyways, I have a lot to learn I think, but I hope that I am taking good steps. If she thinks it's weird or if I am not able to relax in this relationship due to my fears, at least I know that I am doing my best and learning things in the process. If it doesn't work, I will continue dating.

But I hope that I can overcome my anxiety, that she is doing well and that we can make this work.
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Old Yesterday, 04:24 AM
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Re: I started dating

Turns out she really appreciated me giving her space to rest and take care of herself, and she needed it. She is having an insecure and stressful time, due to her just starting work (40 hours plus a daily commute), her dream about the future that she just let go of (hoping to find a new one), problems eating and sleeping, etc.

So, I said that she can take it easy and that I will stay around as long as she'd like.

Whether we'll have a date tomorrow morning I will hear today. To me it's ok either way, I'd like to see her but only if she's ok.
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